Happiness is Accepting Life as it comes

July 1, 2009 by jsmith · 2 Comments
Filed under: About Happiness, Happiness, Relationships, health 

My mother turned 75 last month.  She’s in pretty good health for an old lady who raised eight kids and has 19 grandchildren.  My dad passed away 23 years ago, and Mom turned out to be quite the survivor — she went to work for Kelly Girls as a permatemp for many years, finished raising my younger siblings, and has retained her independence.

Mary Ann at 75 - still smilin'

Mary Ann at 75 - still smilin'

Several years ago vision problems arose, and the doctors diagnosed macular degeneration — slowly but surely she is losing her eyesight.  Still, with a huge magnifying glass and bright light she continued to read voraciously.  And as long as she still had that car in her garage, she could still manage her own life — as long as she only drove on sunny days, to destinations she already knew.

So she kept the car — carrying the insurance and maintenance costs on her limited budget, because of what the car stood for.  This disease is progressive, however, and despite all treatments, Mom recently came to terms with the fact that she is a danger to self and others on the road.  The car had to go.

On a beautiful sunny day last week she took the car out for one last trip to her hairdresser.  When she returned, she turned the keys over to Brandon, a great guy who’s been dating my niece, Elizabeth.  Brandon needed a new car, and who can pass up a deal like this one — the car is ten years old, only has 20,000 miles on it, and was (literally!) only driven by a little old lady to the local mall, church on Sundays… and her hairdresser.

Grandma Mary Ann has cheerfully moved on to the next phase of her life — a little more dependent on others, yet still independent… and always still Smilin’!

P.S.  She does NOT color her hair. I hope I still have that much dark hair on my head 22 years from now!

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Happiness is Chocolate + Mint

June 30, 2009 by jsmith · 1 Comment
Filed under: Everyday Happiness, Pleasure 

While in Costa Rica, I picked up a package of Chiclets Fusion gum — a luscious blend of chocolate and mint.  After consuming the last piece of my stash today, I turned to the web to find out where I might find more.  Alas, it appears this gum flavor is only sold in Latin America.  However, I did stumble across this commercial for Fusion, which perfectly captures the mint and chocolate experience (21 seconds).

Warning — sensuality and chocolate flow freely here!

Does the Spanish-speaking world know how to advertise gum, or what?!

I may just have to return to Costa Rica to pick up some more….  :)

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Creating Brand YOU on Social Media

June 25, 2009 by jsmith · Leave a Comment
Filed under: In the workplace 

Hey, this is just a quick note to all of you who are working on your presence in the world of Social Media.  This is ‘old news’ already in some circles, but may still be very relevant for you.  ~10 days ago Facebook opened up the opportunity for users to get their own vanity URL — just like the celebrities & the big dogs!

Right now your Facebook link probably looks something like this: http://www.facebook.com/people/whosa-ma-whatsis/45678348 (not a real link).  But now you can have this URL: http://www.facebook.com/yourname Cool, huh?

Log onto Facebook and then go to http://www.facebook.com/username You’ll be able to check availability and obtain your own name.

Example:  Of course, w/ a name like Jim Smith, my name was long gone   :(   But I reserved my company name, so now I can send people to www.Facebook.com/TheExecutiveHappinessCoach If you are trying to build a brand for your business, this is pretty powerful stuff.

AND for those who have a LinkedIn account, you should know that you can customize your URL at at LinkedIn, as well.  Again, an example is that I changed mine to www.LinkedIn.com/in/theexecutivehappinesscoach You can do the same.  On the left menu, choose Edit My Profile.  then on the profile page at bottom of first section where it reads Public Profile, click on the [edit] hyperlink next to the URL that shows there.  On the next page, the top item will be Custom URL — click on the [edit] hyperlink once again, and you can customize your URL.  If you have a Brand and want to ’show up’ in all your social media venues in the same way, this is a great tool.

And if you’re just you, well… remember that YOU are a brand.  This sort of customizing plays well if you’re looking for a job, trying to establish yourself in a career, etc.

Just passing along the tip.

In happiness, J

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Ten Grumpy Things to Like About Today

June 2, 2009 by jsmith · 4 Comments
Filed under: Coaching, Humor, Practicing Happiness 

Had a conversation with a client who was feeling a bit down this morning.  OK, a LOT down — the economy’s nasty, his business is down, his wife may lose her job, his car needs new brakes… you get the picture. Grouse, grouse, grouse.  Ick.

When I challenged him to think of 3 positive things about today, he resisted.  From a place as low as he was, he found it tough to think upbeat.  He plowed on, however, and by the end he came up with ten+ things, and we were laughing together.

With his permission, I’m sharing the list.  Keep in mind this comes from a grumpy person <grin>

  1. I’m above ground. Ok, I guess that any day I’m still above ground and breathing is a good day.
  2. It’s not winter. I was so sick of last winter, you know?
  3. It’s another day closer to my vacation. I SO need a vacation.
  4. My plants need the rain.
  5. Gas is a lot cheaper than same time last year.
  6. My Inbox has less than 300 emails in it, which is good for me.
  7. FedEx arrived on time this morning. Don’t you love that?!
  8. Water’s running from the tap and electricity’s flowing without interruption, and that’s pretty amazing when you think about it.
  9. I can go to the grocery store and buy fresh fruit all year round. That’s even more amazing
  10. My wife and my dog still love me. Even when everybody else is crabby, my dog’s always in a good mood.
  11. I’m healthy. As long as I have that, I’m good.

What’s positive in your life today?

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Happiness is Flying High!

May 27, 2009 by jsmith · Leave a Comment
Filed under: Everyday Happiness, Meaning, Pleasure 

Zip Lining over the Costa Rican Rain Forest

I had a lot of adventures on my recent vacation in Costa Rica — I explored coral reefs, climbed a mountain on horseback, and allowed myself to be strapped to a steel cable and pushed out of tree — upside down.  Yikes!

I took this video on one of my right side up trips.  Gives you a flavor of what Zip Lining over the rain forest canopy is like.  I’m WAY up there in this one, and take a look at the gorgeous sky!

Happiness is truly Flying High!

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The Unforgettable Commencement Address 2009

May 26, 2009 by jsmith · Leave a Comment
Filed under: Leadership, Meaning, Practicing Happiness 

This speech was delivered this month at Commencement for the University of Portland, where the speaker, Paul Hawken, received an honorary doctorate.  I find it inspirational — he points to the huge difference that just one person, working for a cause, can make in the world.  You can also find the complete talk at the University of Portland’s website

Commencement: Healing or Stealing?

The unforgettable Commencement Address 2009. By Paul Hawken**

When I was invited to give this speech, I was asked if I could give a simple short talk that was “direct, naked, taut, honest, passionate, lean, shivering, startling, and graceful.” Boy, no pressure there.

But let’s begin with the startling part. Hey, Class of 2009: you are going to have to figure out what it means to be a human being on earth at a time when every living system is declining, and the rate of decline is accelerating. Kind of a mind-boggling situation – but not one peer-reviewed paper published in the last thirty years can refute that statement. Basically, the earth needs a new operating system, you are the programmers, and we need it within a few decades.

This planet came with a set of operating instructions, but we seem to have misplaced them. Important rules like don’t poison the water, soil, or air, and don’t let the earth get overcrowded, and don’t touch the thermostat have been broken. Buckminster Fuller said that spaceship earth was so ingeniously designed that no one has a clue that we are on one, flying through the universe at a million miles per hour, with no need for seatbelts, lots of room in coach, and really good food – but all that is changing.

There is invisible writing on the back of the diploma you will receive, and in case you didn’t bring lemon juice to decode it, I can tell you what it says: YOU ARE BRILLIANT, AND THE EARTH IS HIRING. The earth couldn’t afford to send any recruiters or limos to your school. It sent you rain, sunsets, ripe cherries, night blooming jasmine, and that unbelievably cute person you are dating. Take the hint. And here’s the deal: Forget that this task of planet-saving is not possible in the time required. Don’t be put off by people who know what is not possible. Do what needs to be done, and check to see if it was impossible only after you are done.

When asked if I am pessimistic or optimistic about the future, my answer is always the same: If you look at the science about what is happening on earth and aren’t pessimistic, you don’t understand data. But if you meet the people who are working to restore this earth and the lives of the poor, and you aren’t optimistic, you haven’t got a pulse. What I see everywhere in the world are ordinary people willing to confront despair, power, and incalculable odds in order to restore some semblance of grace, justice, and beauty to this world. The poet Adrienne Rich wrote, “So much has been destroyed I have cast my lot with those who, age after age, perversely, with no extraordinary power, reconstitute the world.” There could be no better description. Humanity is coalescing. It is reconstituting the world, and the action is taking place in schoolrooms, farms, jungles, villages, campuses, companies, refuge camps, deserts, fisheries, and slums.

You join a multitude of caring people. No one knows how many groups and organizations are working on the most salient issues of our day: climate change, poverty, deforestation, peace, water, hunger, conservation, human rights, and more. This is the largest movement the world has ever seen. Rather than control, it seeks connection. Rather than dominance, it strives to disperse concentrations of power. Like Mercy Corps, it works behind the scenes and gets the job done. Large as it is, no one knows the true size of this movement. It provides hope, support, and meaning to billions of people in the world. Its clout resides in idea, not in force. It is made up of teachers, children, peasants, businesspeople, rappers, organic farmers, nuns, artists, government workers, fisherfolk, engineers, students, incorrigible writers, weeping Muslims, concerned mothers, poets, doctors without borders, grieving Christians, street musicians, the President of the United States of America, and as the writer David James Duncan would say, the Creator, the One who loves us all in such a huge way.

There is a rabbinical teaching that says if the world is ending and the Messiah arrives, first plant a tree, and then see if the story is true. Inspiration is not garnered from the litanies of what may befall us; it resides in humanity’s willingness to restore, redress, reform, rebuild, recover, reimagine, and reconsider. “One day you finally knew what you had to do, and began, though the voices around you kept shouting their bad advice,” is Mary Oliver’s description of moving away from the profane toward a deep sense of connectedness to the living world.

Millions of people are working on behalf of strangers, even if the evening news is usually about the death of strangers. This kindness of strangers has religious, even mythic origins, and very specific eighteenth-century roots. Abolitionists were the first people to create a national and global movement to defend the rights of those they did not know. Until that time, no group had filed a grievance except on behalf of itself. The founders of this movement were largely unknown – Granville Clark, Thomas Clarkson, Josiah Wedgwood – and their goal was ridiculous on the face of it: at that time three out of four people in the world were enslaved. Enslaving each other was what human beings had done for ages. And the abolitionist movement was greeted with incredulity. Conservative spokesmen ridiculed the abolitionists as liberals, progressives, do-gooders, meddlers, and activists. They were told they would ruin the economy and drive England into poverty. But for the first time in history a group of people organized themselves to help people they would never know, from whom they would never receive direct or indirect benefit.. And today tens of millions of people do this every day. It is called the world of non-profits, civil society, schools, social entrepreneurship, and non-governmental organizations, of companies who place social and environmental justice at the top of their strategic goals. The scope and scale of this effort is unparalleled in history.

The living world is not “out there” somewhere, but in your heart. What do we know about life? In the words of biologist Janine Benyus, life creates the conditions that are conducive to life. I can think of no better motto for a future economy. We have tens of thousands of abandoned homes without people and tens of thousands of abandoned people without homes. We have failed bankers advising failed regulators on how to save failed assets. Think about this: we are the only species on this planet without full employment. Brilliant. We have an economy that tells us that it is cheaper to destroy earth in real time than to renew, restore, and sustain it. You can print money to bail out a bank but you can’t print life to bail out a planet. At present we are stealing the future, selling it in the present, and calling it gross domestic product. We can just as easily have an economy that is based on healing the future instead of stealing it. We can either create assets for the future or take the assets of the future. One is called restoration and the other exploitation. And whenever we exploit the earth we exploit people and cause untold suffering. Working for the earth is not a way to get rich, it is a way to be rich.

The first living cell came into being nearly 40 million centuries ago, and its direct descendants are in all of our bloodstreams. Literally you are breathing molecules this very second that were inhaled by Moses, Mother Teresa, and Bono. We are vastly interconnected. Our fates are inseparable. We are here because the dream of every cell is to become two cells. In each of you are one quadrillion cells, 90 percent of which are not human cells. Your body is a community, and without those other microorganisms you would perish in hours. Each human cell has 400 billion molecules conducting millions of processes between trillions of atoms. The total cellular activity in one human body is staggering: one septillion actions at any one moment, a one with twenty-four zeros after it. In a millisecond, our body has undergone ten times more processes than there are stars in the universe – exactly what Charles Darwin foretold when he said science would discover that each living creature was a “little universe, formed of a host of self-propagating organisms, inconceivably minute and as numerous as the stars of heaven.”

So I have two questions for you all: First, can you feel your body? Stop for a moment. Feel your body. One septillion activities going on simultaneously, and your body does this so well you are free to ignore it, and wonder instead when this speech will end. Second question: who is in charge of your body? Who is managing those molecules? Hopefully not a political party. Life is creating the conditions that are conducive to life inside you, just as in all of nature. What I want you to imagine is that collectively humanity is evincing a deep innate wisdom in coming together to heal the wounds and insults of the past.

Ralph Waldo Emerson once asked what we would do if the stars only came out once every thousand years. No one would sleep that night, of course. The world would become religious overnight. We would be ecstatic, delirious, made rapturous by the glory of God. Instead the stars come out every night, and we watch television.

This extraordinary time when we are globally aware of each other and the multiple dangers that threaten civilization has never happened, not in a thousand years, not in ten thousand years. Each of us is as complex and beautiful as all the stars in the universe. We have done great things and we have gone way off course in terms of honoring creation. You are graduating to the most amazing, challenging, stupefying challenge ever bequested to any generation. The generations before you failed. They didn’t stay up all night. They got distracted and lost sight of the fact that life is a miracle every moment of your existence. Nature beckons you to be on her side. You couldn’t ask for a better boss. The most unrealistic person in the world is the cynic, not the dreamer. Hopefulness only makes sense when it is doesn’t make sense to be hopeful. This is your century. Take it and run as if your life depends on it.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

**Paul Hawken is a renowned entrepreneur, visionary environmental activist, and author of many books, most recently Blessed Unrest: How the Largest Movement in the World Came into Being and Why No One Saw It Coming. He was presented with an honorary doctorate of humane letters by University president Father Bill Beauchamp, C.S.C., in May, when he delivered this superb speech.

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What’s Love Got To Do With It?

May 20, 2009 by jsmith · Leave a Comment
Filed under: About Happiness, Coaching, Happiness, Practicing Happiness, Relationships 

One of my clients has been blogging her way through the coaching experience.  After years of holding all her thoughts inside, she’s discovered that writing helps her reveal herself to herself.  Recently, we revisted an old topic — ♥ self love.♥

This client (who goes by the anonymous title of Spudsie, a childhood nickname) is an animated writer, so if you go to read this entry, hang on for a wild ride.  She’s also “into” references to Winnie-the-Pooh characters.  She’s been channeling Eeyore for years, and she wants to experience more of Tigger.

Take a look at her blog post, here

I mention this because the subject of self-love comes up often in the Happiness conversation.  Spudsie’s struggle is similar to what I see many people go thru, and I really admire her courage in posting her progress on the web.  I’m also impressed with the support she gets from her internet friends across the country.  Her struggles mirror the struggles that other people have, and so she’s created a sort of learning-together community.

♥ ♥ What’s Love Got to Do With Happiness? ♥ ♥

Two weeks ago I heard a series of great motivations talks where the message of self-responsibility was a constant theme.  I attended sessions with a professional speaker from Australia who lived in the UK, a Maori warrior who talks on leadership, a life coach from Vancouver, BC, a Malay gentleman who runs a global school for professional speakers, and an Irish expat who lives in Singapore.

My learning: no matter where you’re from or where on the globe you live, one of the most powerful ways to change your world is to change how you behave, and let the rest of you grow into it.

So the message I brought back into my conversations is this:  If you want the rest of the world to like you/love you/treat you better, guess what? — you have to love yourself, first.  And if you start behaving like you do, after a while you’ll find that ♥ Loving You ♥ starts to feel more and more natural.  Eventually, if you practice self-love enough, your old habits of putting yourself down will hold less power over you, and self confidence will show up more often.

And in that space, you’ll find more Happiness.

So, how might you love yourself more?  What practice(s) could help you feel more loved, loving, and lovable?  (e.g. a simple start might be looking at your own reflection in the mirror and saying, “I love you just the way you are…”).  What physical postures/practices/language would model the way you want to grow into?  Identify a few of those, and start practicing.

As your ♥ self-love ♥ muscles grow stronger, be prepared for your world to start shifting.

In ♥ love ♥ and happiness, Coach Jim

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Mood and Language: which comes first?

May 18, 2009 by jsmith · Leave a Comment
Filed under: Coaching, Practicing Happiness, Relationships 

In a recent coaching teleclass a participant asked, “is it our mood that creates our language, or is it the words and stories we use that create our mood?”  She was looking for a neat and crisp definition of how people work.

It ain’t that simple.  Figuring out how people work is like solving the Chicken or Egg puzzle – which came first?

The answer to the above question is not either/or; it’s Yes.  Both.

venn-bel2Our head (and our language and stories) and our heart (our emotions/reactions) and our physical self (behavior, non-verbals) are inextricably connected – each affects the other two.

The mood or emotion we’re in affects our behavior and it influences what we say and what we think.  Our thoughts/language lead to the emotion we’re in and also affect our behavior.  And of course our behavior leads to consequences that subsequently influence our reactions and stories.

A recent comic strip illustrated this principle beautifully.  It’s called Non Sequitur (distributedby Universal Press Syndicate).  Some context is important.  The main character, Danae, is a very wise 10-year old girl who wears a black T-shirt emblazoned with a skull, and she is always in a foul mood, believing that everything wrong in the world is the fault of a conspiracy spawned by “booger-brained boys.”

  • Frame 1: Danae stands with a smile on her face and thinks: “I’m in a good mood today… I wonder why?”
  • Frame 2: “Hmmph… oh, well” she says out loud, and she skips merrily down the street, passing Timmy, a boy who lives nearby.  He turns around and says, “Geez, why’re you in such a foul mood?”
  • Frame 3: Startled, Danae asks, “what?” “you said ‘hmmph’…” “So?”  “It sounds cranky” “does not” “If you say so…”
  • Frame 4: “Hey, I was in a GOOD mood!”  “Ahh.. ‘was’… past tense…” he says, turning away.  “No… I AM IN A GOOD MOOD!!”  “Then why are you shouting??”
  • Frame 5: “’CUZ NOW I’M IN A BAD MOOD!” she screams, black smoke and a death’s head emerging from her mouth. And as Timmy walks away he says, “Hmmph… Well, I was in a great mood ‘til you came along”

I love this strip, although I’m sure the illustrator was not thinking of modeling ontological principles when he wrote it.  He demonstrates first how the mood affects thinking and behavior; then how different language changes the mood and then the behavior – of both parties!

Who we are and how we show up is a constant dance and balancing act between what we think, the emotion we’re in, and what we do.  To live a happy life we must monitor ourselves in all three areas and recognize that even minor shifts in one can transform the other.

Some examples:

  • Shifting our “story” about other people’s motives can cause us to move from suspicion to trust to calm to worry… and how we react to those people will vary based on the mood we put ourselves in.
  • Taking a few deep breaths can calm both our emotions and our thinking.
  • Moving fast and getting caught up in being busy-busy-busy can shift our mood to anxiety and focuses our thinking on what’s NOT done versus what we have accomplished.
  • If we are “feeling good” and run in to another person who’s having a bad day, we can hold fast to our own mood by carefully monitoring our language to avoid picking up the conversation that other person wants to pull us into.
  • Wearing a smile pulls our emotions up and opens our thinking

So, the answer to Which? is Yes.  If we want to live a balanced life, then, we must attend to all three areas: the stories we tell ourselves and others, the emotions we’re feeling, and how we interact with others.

Have a happy one; and remember that YOU are in charge of how you experience life today!

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This is a Great Time to be a Consumer… with Cash

May 14, 2009 by jsmith · Leave a Comment
Filed under: Everyday Happiness, Practicing Happiness 

–>While shopping for some gifts on a budget, my daughter came across incredible deals at a high-end store.  She came home with two gorgeous messenger bags orginally priced at $75, marked down, and down again, then then unloaded for $10 each.

–>Several regional auto dealers are offering a BOGO –Buy One, Get One free.  This is a sales strategy I’m used to seeing for bread.  Or frozen dinners.  But on automobiles?!

–>Using online discounters and sticking with local Innkeepers we priced out a weeklong tropical vacation near the equator for less than it would have cost us for a few days at Disney World.

–>Mortgage rates are at an all-time low…and banks are willing to refinance existing mortgages for a simple, flat fee versus high fees and a new round of unnecessary paperwork.

–>I read the other day of a real estate agent in Florida who is filling chartered buses with future snow birds and taking them on tours of gated communities where the houses started at $250K a few years ago, sold for $150K last year, and are now being snatched up for $50K today by people looking for a second home – and who were prudent enough to stay out of the speculators’ pricing wars.

–>If you are remodeling, landscaping, or want any repair work done, contractors are available to come out and provide a bid on a same-day basis, and will tell you they can start the job in a few days, rather than in a few weeks/months.

–>Stocks and other investments that even the naysayers agree are solid, dependable brands that will rebound are selling for low single-digit multiples of their earnings per share.

–>My wife’s desktop computer died in the midst of the tax season  & we had to replace it, fast. The new one has 3X the RAM, 5X the memory, all the bells and whistles… and cost only a few hundred bucks – less than the monitor alone would have cost just a couple years ago.

Everything is on sale.  Everything.

Of course, if you have no cash flow, it does not matter.  But if you are consumer with cash, this can be a very happy time for you.

I’m just sayin’….

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Happiness is Watching Your Child Succeed, Part 3

May 12, 2009 by jsmith · 2 Comments
Filed under: Everyday Happiness, In the workplace, Pleasure, Relationships, health 

My eldest child, Kelly (a regular reader of this blog), has been bugging me since I started it, asking, “when are you gonna write a column about ME?”  For a long time I put her off by pointing out that this is my professional blog, not personal.  Well, since I recently wrote about BOTH of her brothers, I clearly can’t use that excuse any more.  So to keep peace in the family :)  I will write today’s post about her.

kelly-headshotThis is Kelly Smith Gibson.  After graduating from the University of Notre Dame, she attended med school at the University of Pennsylvania in Philadelphia.  She married a wonderful young man from Seattle in December 2007 in a ceremony that took place in the Basilica at the Notre Dame campus, which is where they met.

Today, she and Paul live nearby and Kelly is a first-year resident in an OB/Gyn program that is run jointly by Metro General Hospital and the Cleveland Clinic.  She delivers babies.  Lots of babies.  A lot of the babies she delivers are born to moms in high-risk pregnancy situations, like those who are very young, very old, and those who have diabetes or other complicating health conditions.  Metro boasts one of the finest high-risk pregnancy units in the country, and I know that Kelly is very proud to be a part of the team there.

Not all is a bed of roses for Kelly.  Students who graduate from Med School in the United States carry a huge debt load.  I get nosebleeds just thinking about how much money she owes in student loans.  Residents work 80-90 hours a week – including a LOT of nights and 24-hour weekend shifts — for not a lot of money.  And she has to study constantly – huge big textbooks and journals and new research into exciting topics like female cancers and rates of morbidity for high-risk pregnancies, and so on.  And hubby Paul just got laid off from his job last week as an Actuarial Analyst for a consulting firm.  And the liability insurance premiums for Obstetricians is a scary number – OB’s have to deliver a ton of babies each year just to pay for their insurance.

AND she and Paul are a very happy and engaging couple whom my wife and feel blessed to count as our friends.

So, Kelly, this is your blog post.  Now the whole world (of my subscribers, anyway) know what a great person you are and how proud I am of you and your accomplishments.

Can we be done, now?

And NO, I’m not writing a post about your dog. :)

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