Happiness is a Great Mac-N-Cheese!

Met a client for lunch today at a little gem of a restaurant in Tremont (a ‘comeback’ region of Cleveland) called Lucky’s Cafe.

I’ve had many meetings at this location over the past year, but they’ve always been “meet for coffee” events, so my experience of Lucky’s is as a coffee shop — with a great patio in the summer.

Today was my first lunch meeting at the place.  I knew as soon as I looked at the menu what I was going to order — the macaroni and cheese is legendary, plus I’ve got a warm spot for comfort food.

But I have to tell you, I was completely unprepared for how UTTERLY FANTASTIC a plain old dish like macaroni and cheese can become in the hands of a food artistan.

This was not ‘just’ a variation on comfort food.  It was decadent.  It was the very definition of Creamy.  It was a macaroni and cheese Dessert.  It was a ‘dive in and swim around in it’ entree.  It was a little bit of bubbling cheese heaven on a plate.  It was a Stop-The-Conversation-So-I-Can-Experience-Sensory-Pleasure dish.

Did I mention it was really good?

And that the side of homemade applesauce was just the perfect thickness, with a hint of cinnamon?

Ironically, just before the entrees arrived, my client and I were discussing the distinction between pleasure (fleeting) and happiness (more enduring).  So the question becomes, can macaroni and cheese create true happiness?

Well, I’m willing to go back to Lucky’s Cafe to find out!

(from their menu)

Baked Mac-N-Cheese
Cheddar, Brie, Parmesan, And Mozzarella Cheeses, Baked With Pasta And Cream, Topped With Brioche Bread Crumbs.
Served With Housemade Apple Sauce.

The Point is to Live the Question

At a recent coaching conference, a wise colleague shared a very powerful practice: the 10-Year Question.

In coaching, questions are the primary tool: the probe, the lever, the dynamite that can explode a story, the key to unlocking awareness.  What sort of question, I thought, could take ten years to answer?  That would be a powerful question, indeed!

“So,” we asked eagerly, pencils poised above our notepads and journals, “what is the 10-Year Question?”

Fact is, a question that powerful does not come from the coach, it comes from the client.  Here’s the question I can ask as a coach: “what is a question that is so big that it will take you 10 years — or more — to completely answer it?”

Are you getting it, now?  It’s YOUR question.  It’s the question you have not dared to ask yourself.  It’s the deep question that you’ve probably ignored in the busy-ness of getting things done.  It’s the question that does not have a clear answer.  Indeed, it may not have any answer.

What is point of asking a question that does not have an answer?  Practice. practice holding the question and notice how the question affects everything you do — the decisions you make, the paths you take, the conversations you find most compelling, the things you become curious about, the part of you that choose to explore.

I met a friend for lunch; I gave her the 10-year question as a “gift” and she sent me a lovely magnet with the following quote, which eloquently captures the spirit and power of a 10-year Question:

“I beg you…to have patience with everything unresolved in your heart and try to love the questions themselves as if they were locked rooms of books written in a very foreign language. Don’t search for the answers, which could not be given to you now, because you would not be able to live them. And the point is, to live everything. Live the questions now. Perhaps then, someday far in the future, you will gradually, without even noticing it, live your way into the answer…”

~Rainer Maria Rilke (German poet, 1875-1926)

So, what’s YOUR 10-year question?  And what will happen when and if you have the courage to LIVE that question?  I”m still working on mine….

Jim’s Dark Chocolate Peppermint Fudge

By popular demand:

Jim’s Dark Chocolate Peppermint Fudge

Making the Fudge

Put 4-5 candy canes into a plastic bag.  Bang with a hammer till in small pieces.  Set aside.

In non-stick saucepan, mix the following over low/med heat:

• 1 lb bag confectioner’s sugar
• ½ cup powdered cocoa – Hershey’s Special Dark is wonderful.  If you can’t get Hershey’s try to use dark chocolate, dutch process cocoa
• 6 Tablespoons butter (3./4 of a stick — margarine also works)
• 4 Tbl milk
• 1 teaspoon vanilla
• ¼ tsp salt

Heat over low/medium heat, stirring constantly until JUST starts to boil.  Mixture will be dark and silky.

Remove from heat.  Pour in crushed candy canes.  Fold into mixture, and immediately pour into a buttered 9×9 inch pan.  Let cool, then refrigerate a couple hours.  Once set, can remove from fridge.

Storing the Fudge

Remove and cut into 1 X 1” squares.  It’s very rich.  Keep in sealed container.  Hide from strangers.  Maybe even hide it from yourself, as you’ll find yourself eating a piece every time you walk thru the kitchen…..

Eating the Fudge

Oh, sure, you can just pop a square of fudge in your mouth, chew and swallow.  But where’s the joy in that?!  Here are my favorite ways to enjoy it:

1. Take a single square of the fudge, and bite it in half.  Let the fudge lay on your tongue.  As it melts, press it up against the roof of your mouth and let your tongue bathe in the sugary-grainy smooth chocolatey-ness of it.  Close your eyes and breathe in the wonderful, chocolately sensuality of the fudge.  Be one with the fudge.  Ommmmm.
2. Sit down with a steaming cup of hot coffee, freshly brewed (I make mine strong, with a french press).  Sip of coffee, pop fudge into warm mouth.  As the fudge melts, sip gently on the coffee and let the coffee/chocolate combo swirl smoothly down your throat.  Do not try to speak — it will ruin the moment.
3. Try it with a short mug of Trader Joe’s Dark Sipping Chocolate.  Follow same process as with coffee, but be warned — this option is not for the weak!  You must have a strong tolerance for dark chocolate-ness.  Have a glass of ice water nearby, in case someone needs to toss on you to bring you out of your ecstasy.

Enjoy the guilty pleasure!

If You Think You Can, You Can

Remember Susan Boyle, the frumpy Britain’s Got Talent contestant who wowed the world with her voice and got 6 Million hits on You Tube?  Well, here’s another phenomenal talent video, with nearly as many views… but that you’ve never heard of.

Why?  Because most of the views are from China.

Here’s my shortened version of the backstory that’s making the rounds:

She was a dancer; lost her arm in an accident, went into depression.  Found refuge in teaching dance to children, but never lost her passion.  He was never a dancer; lost a leg in an accident, went into depression.  They met, and she made it her mission to help him become positive about life again.  Through creativity and determination and practice, they found a way to move together, to music.  They struggled, broke up, missed each other, got back together again.

And with the backing of friends and family, decided to enter a dance competition.

Here’s tale of overcoming adversity (if it does not show well on here, view it directly at YouTube)

I am reminded of the wonderful quote by Mary Kay Ash:  “If you think you can, you can.  And if you think you can’t, you’re right.”

I’m glad they tried.

Pay Attention to Your Limitations

“Interestingly, Koi, when put in a fish bowl, will only grow up to three inches. When this same fish is placed in a large tank, it will grow to about nine inches long. In a pond Koi can reach lengths of eighteen inches. Amazingly, when placed in a lake, Koi can grow to three feet long. The metaphor is obvious. You are limited by how you see the world.” — Vince Poscente

Koi, of course, are more often known as the common goldfish.  I’ve seen the above phenomenon play out when we’ve taken goldfish won at a carnival from a bowl on a shelf and moved them to our neighbor’s pond.

The funny thing about this self-limiting growth is that the fish is completely unaware of their environmental constraints.  They simply grow into what ever is available to them.  In a like manner, human beings grow into the space that’s available to them, often without being aware of the constraints others have placed on them.  We grow up to meet the expectations that others — and ourselves — have of us.

A big difference between humans and fish, of course, is that the fish will never really be aware — whereas the human has the capacity to notice their environment and intentionally choose to change it.

Do you choose to live your life in a small or big way?  And if you’re not happy with where you are, what are you doing about it?

In happiness, J

Happiness is Eating Healthy!

Since I completed a three-week detox just over a year ago, I’m much more mindful of the food that I eat.  I learned then, and have reinforced many times since, that I am what I eat — when I eat junk, I feel like crap; when I eat good food, everything’s easier in my life, including getting up with a positive attitude.

My wife - while still cherishing the occasional pork chop or hamburger - has essentially adopted my eating habits, and we’ve recently gone as long as four weeks without going to a grocery store.  How do we accomplish that feat?  Well, we find everything we need at a local produce market.

I read some articles recently that used several new terms to describe the way I’ve been eating for the past fifteen months:

• One-ingredient foods
• The Label-free diet
• The outer circle diet

These all describe the same concept:  Choose only foods at the grocery store that have 1 ingredient (this means that eggs, fruits, vegetables, meats/fish (from healthy animals raised correctly), nuts, seeds, and other 1-ingredient foods should comprise almost your entire diet (except for occasional cheat meals — and dark chocolate).

It’s also called the Label-Free diet because you only eat foods that do not require an FDA nutritional label (see above — what’s in eggs? Eggs!  What’s in a peach? Peach!  no label required).

And it’s also called the Outer Circle diet because you can do all your shopping at a typical grocery store by starting in the produce section (almost always in front corner of store) then steer a circle around the outer wall of the store — meats, dairy, etc.  In the middle of the store are all the processed foods with extensive labeling that you must read to even know what you are eating.

Obviously there are exceptions to the above, and there are foods you can buy with more than 1 ingredient still qualify, e.g. guacamole and hummus being two examples of foods made from several 1-ingredient foods and no additives/fats/sugars.  And oatmeal (ingredients: oats) is still in the cereal aisle.

I’ve written before about how my diet — which dramatically reduced my intake of caffeine, sugars, and glutens — has totally eliminated my afternoon sleepiness, the mood swings I used to experience from the sugar buzz/crash cycle, and the frequent heartburn that made me very crabby and unable to concentrate.

This shift has also dramatically heightened my awareness of how my body and emotions respond when I stray too far from what’s good for my body — I get shaky, dopey, irritable, tense, uncomfortable, distracted, and sometimes even downright mean when I eat poorly!

This may be difficult for many people whose bodies are addicted to processed foods… but give it a try for a week.  when you next shop for groceries, try to make sure that you only put in to your cart 1-ingredient/no-label foods.

I’m willing to bet you’ll feel better for that next week!  And a BODY that feels better has more opportunity to experience happiness.

Happiness is Eating Healthy!

Come To Work Happy

A reader from Singapore sent me this cartoon.  Happiness in the workplace is a global concern.  In an era of cost-cutting and bad news, this presents a clever, low-cost strategy for improving morale **

**Funny, yes?  The thing is, studies have shown that even FAKE SMILES can have an impact on mood.  That stems in part from the ‘fake it till you make it’ reality of the Mind-Body connection — when we act a part long enough, we eventually grow into the emotion, so smiling when you don’t feel it will, after a few minutes, lift your spirits a bit because you emotion races to match what you’re doing w/ your body.

The other reason why the Fake Smile exercise works is that other people are more likely to smile back at you when you wear a smile. Because we humans are emotionally contagious, others’ good feelings rub off on you, lightening your own mood a bit.  Cool, huh?!

A Smile really is a powerful weapon in the fight against negativity at work!

Happiness is Accepting Life as it comes

My mother turned 75 last month.  She’s in pretty good health for an old lady who raised eight kids and has 19 grandchildren.  My dad passed away 23 years ago, and Mom turned out to be quite the survivor — she went to work for Kelly Girls as a permatemp for many years, finished raising my younger siblings, and has retained her independence.

Several years ago vision problems arose, and the doctors diagnosed macular degeneration — slowly but surely she is losing her eyesight.  Still, with a huge magnifying glass and bright light she continued to read voraciously.  And as long as she still had that car in her garage, she could still manage her own life — as long as she only drove on sunny days, to destinations she already knew.

So she kept the car — carrying the insurance and maintenance costs on her limited budget, because of what the car stood for.  This disease is progressive, however, and despite all treatments, Mom recently came to terms with the fact that she is a danger to self and others on the road.  The car had to go.

On a beautiful sunny day last week she took the car out for one last trip to her hairdresser.  When she returned, she turned the keys over to Brandon, a great guy who’s been dating my niece, Elizabeth.  Brandon needed a new car, and who can pass up a deal like this one — the car is ten years old, only has 20,000 miles on it, and was (literally!) only driven by a little old lady to the local mall, church on Sundays… and her hairdresser.

Grandma Mary Ann has cheerfully moved on to the next phase of her life — a little more dependent on others, yet still independent… and always still Smilin’!

P.S.  She does NOT color her hair. I hope I still have that much dark hair on my head 22 years from now!

Happiness is Chocolate + Mint

While in Costa Rica, I picked up a package of Chiclets Fusion gum — a luscious blend of chocolate and mint.  After consuming the last piece of my stash today, I turned to the web to find out where I might find more.  Alas, it appears this gum flavor is only sold in Latin America.  However, I did stumble across this commercial for Fusion, which perfectly captures the mint and chocolate experience (21 seconds).

Warning — sensuality and chocolate flow freely here!

Does the Spanish-speaking world know how to advertise gum, or what?!

I may just have to return to Costa Rica to pick up some more…. 

Creating Brand YOU on Social Media

Hey, this is just a quick note to all of you who are working on your presence in the world of Social Media.  This is ‘old news’ already in some circles, but may still be very relevant for you.  ~10 days ago Facebook opened up the opportunity for users to get their own vanity URL — just like the celebrities & the big dogs!

Right now your Facebook link probably looks something like this: http://www.facebook.com/people/whosa-ma-whatsis/45678348 (not a real link).  But now you can have this URL: http://www.facebook.com/yourname Cool, huh?

Log onto Facebook and then go to http://www.facebook.com/username You’ll be able to check availability and obtain your own name.

Example:  Of course, w/ a name like Jim Smith, my name was long gone   :(   But I reserved my company name, so now I can send people to www.Facebook.com/TheExecutiveHappinessCoach If you are trying to build a brand for your business, this is pretty powerful stuff.

AND for those who have a LinkedIn account, you should know that you can customize your URL at at LinkedIn, as well.  Again, an example is that I changed mine to www.LinkedIn.com/in/theexecutivehappinesscoach You can do the same.  On the left menu, choose Edit My Profile.  then on the profile page at bottom of first section where it reads Public Profile, click on the [edit] hyperlink next to the URL that shows there.  On the next page, the top item will be Custom URL — click on the [edit] hyperlink once again, and you can customize your URL.  If you have a Brand and want to ’show up’ in all your social media venues in the same way, this is a great tool.

And if you’re just you, well… remember that YOU are a brand.  This sort of customizing plays well if you’re looking for a job, trying to establish yourself in a career, etc.

Just passing along the tip.

In happiness, J

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