Are You a Maximizer? Part 2

See Part 1 to assess where you are on the continuum.

What are the implications for how you make choices when you are in a Leadership role?

The Maximizer in you can make a great manager when you leverage your thoroughness, are careful about decisions, and hold your teams to high standards. On the extreme end, however, you can come across as a controlling perfectionist who is impossible to please and who overanalyzes everything.

Satisfiers’ strengths as managers can be your flexibility, your speedier decision-making, and your willingness to set general criteria without obsessing about the details. If your Satisfier is on steroids, you may be too willing to settle quickly, fail to review decisions made, or accept mediocrity.

The best leaders recognize that a balanced and flexible style works best. Sometimes the project or decision really IS important, and in those circumstances it is important to follow the details closely and progress carefully at every stage.  Let’s face it, though – most of the work done in organizations needs to be done well, not perfectly.

So the best approach, which lies halfway between Satisfying and Maximizing, is to work with your team to set very clear expectations about outcomes and deadlines – the WHAT you want – but then leave the smart people you hired to identify the path they will follow  — the HOW — to meet those expectations, without you watching over their shoulders or demanding perfection at every step

Remember, Leadership is not about a title: Anyone can be a leader who adjusts their decision-making style based on the relative importance of a the work – knowing when to hold high standards and take it slowly & carefully, and when to allow flexibility and focus on progress vs. perfection.

Are You a Maximizer? Part 1

We were waiting to pay for our groceries and realized we’d forgotten the pasta for that evening’s dinner party.  I raced back down the aisle and… um… did you know there are over 50 different options for linguini alone?  Which will our guests most prefer?  Egg-free, whole wheat, organic, tomato or spinach-infused, fresh or traditional, generic or brand name…??

By the time I returned to the checkout I was in a state of high anxiety from trying to make The Best Linguini Decision. “Don’t ever send me to the pasta aisle alone,” I begged my wife.  She just shook her head.

We’re like this with clothes, too. If I need new pants they must be The Best Deal, so I check ads for sales, visit every rack in at least three stores, try on numerous pairs, then (finally) choose.  Cheryl, on the other hand, will visit one store, try on maybe two pair, and buy one.  Done.

Maximizer versus Satisfier

When it comes to making decisions we all fall somewhere along the Maximizer-Satisfier scale. (to find where you land, take this assessment)

Maximizers need to be assured that every purchase or decision they make was the BEST possible. Yet how to know if any given option is the best?  Research.  Get more data.  Delay the decision.  Talk to friends.  Make the decision, but… then worry about whether it was the absolute best choice.

Satisfiers simply want to make a GOOD decision. Like Maximizers, they set out to meet specific criteria in their decisions and purchases.  The difference is that Satisfiers seek excellence, yet don’t obsess over achieving the Absolute Best.  Once they make a decision that is good enough, they never look back.

Let Go to Feel Happier

A continual focus on making the absolute best decisions can be a core talent but, like any strength, can become a weakness when overused. We live in a world of seemingly infinite choices anymore.  If you are unaware of your own drive to always make perfect decisions, you can end up generally unhappy because you’re constantly shy of a near-impossible standard.

Other ideas to help Maximizers reduce the anxiety of decision-making:

1. Choose when to choose. Decide to restrict your options when the decision is not crucial.  For example, make a rule to visit no more than two stores when shopping for clothing.
2. Learn to accept “good enough.” Settle for a choice that meets your core requirements rather than searching for the elusive “best.”  Then stop thinking about it.
3. Don’t worry about what you’re missing. Consciously limit how much you ponder the seemingly attractive features of options you reject.  Practice by focusing on the positive aspects of the choices you make.
4. Temper expectations. “Don’t expect too much, and you won’t be disappointed” is a cliché.  But that advice is sensible if you want to be more satisfied with life.

I hold high standards for my work, but have learned that striving constantly to create perfection is not only exhausting but it tends to feed my procrastination. To counter my own Maximizer tendencies, I’ve asked others for advice.  Now, when I am working on non-critical project I remind myself that “80% is good enough;” and when it comes to meeting deadlines, I consider the words of thought leader Seth Godin, “Done is better than perfect!”

Next: Maximizer and Satisfier in Leadership

Tiny Stories of Gratitude for the Holidays

A client of mine sent this story as part of his holiday message, and I loved it so much I asked for his permission to share it with all of you. My guest columnist, Rob, is an executive who lives in Chicagoland.

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I ask you all to practice random acts of kindness this season. During the past few weeks a few things have happened that I would like to share.

1. I picked up a pair of shoes from a the cobbler and indicated to the woman in the store that I was excited because I had only one more official Christmas Party to go to.  She said: ” I wish I had a Christmas Party to Go to.”

Let’s Be Grateful for what we have and get to do!

2. I shared with a beautiful woman my goal of teaching at the University of Chicago.  She shared with me that she had received her PhD there and had this set of china with Pictures of the Buildings on them from 1931.  I had just met her.  She left and returned within 10 minutes and gave me the 12-piece set of china.

Be Grateful for the generosity of others!

3. I was able to hear one of my best friends play his violin in Handel’s Messiah.  He was, and it was, amazing.

Be Grateful for the Talent and Growth of others!

4. I was blessed to have lunch with my mom and my aunt in Chicago at the Walnut Room of Marshall Fields.  Generally the wait is 2-4 hours.  I had exchanged holiday greetings with a man on an elevator earlier.  He saw us in line and gave us his reservation which was 45 minutes earlier.

There is an abundance of Generosity in the World!

5. Lunch and the time with mom and Aunt Arlene was a blessing!

Enjoy family and loved ones.  Be grateful!

6. We decided to have dessert at the Cheese Cake Factory on Michigan Avenue.  Another wait was in front of us.  I greeted the host with “Hello and Merry Christmas.”  He stopped and said “What did you say?”  “I said, Merry Christmas.”  He said “you are the first person who said that all day.  Thank you!”  and he seated us immediately

There are so many other miracles that keep happening!

I heard the bells on Christmas Day; their old familiar carols play, and wild

and sweet the word repeat of peace on earth, good-will to men!”

~Henry Wadsworth Longfellow, American Poet

Let Go of Your Stress this Holiday!

For two years I’ve been talking about diving in to video.  Many of you have asked for it. I finally made a public commitment (gulp!) in October to make and post a video on my website by year end.  Then, having accepted that my PC was inadequate for video work, I leaped into the Mac world.

What you’re about to see was filmed on my iPhone 3G, edited in iMovie on my brand new iMac computer, and tested on my iPad.

TIPS FOR A LESS-STRESS HOLIDAY

Click on the image to view the newsletter on YouTube, or just follow this link:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NSwTTSiS8_I

P.S. I invite you to let go of your inner editor. Yes, I know that this video is “too long,” it has episodes of poor lighting, and some of the edits are choppy.  On the other hand, it is DONE, and for a first-ever video clip, I’m pretty happy with it.  Please, enjoy!

Gratitude Reprised

As the American Thanksgiving holiday approaches, our thoughts turn to Giving Thanks and the emotion of Gratitude.  This emotion is so foundational to the experience of all the Positive Emotions that I believe it is impossible to oversell its importance or speak of it too often.

Gratitude is defined as, the quality of being warmly or deeply appreciative of kindness or benefits received; thankfulness.

Reminders about the Importance of Gratitude

• Expressions of Gratitude are the bricks of the foundation upon which Happiness, Optimism, Hope, and Joy are built.
• Practiced regularly, Gratitude shapes your worldview toward noticing abundance versus scarcity, since it focuses on what you Have versus what you Lack.
• You bring positive energy to the conversation whenever you speak with others about something for which you are grateful.
• Grateful people make better friends, parents, coworkers, and leaders.
• Finally, when you practice gratitude, you feel more content with the world, no matter what your current state (even unemployed!).

Practice makes Better

If you want to learn the piano or run a marathon, you must practice, practice, and practice.  The same is true of emotional states.  Here are nine intentional activities that will help you live a more Gratitude-filled life.

1.       Keep a Gratitude Journal. This is the most basic and powerful practice in all of Positive Psychology.  Every book on happiness published in the past eight years places this practice at/near the top of the list.  Every day, write down three blessings from the past 24 hours.  Pencil and paper or online journal work equally well – the key is that you write it, not just think it (it makes a difference).

2.       Remember the Bad Times. In his 2007 book, “Thanks,” researcher Robert Emmons noted the value of reflecting on past difficulties  — not to dwell on them, but to appreciate that you survived and are stronger today as a result of the experiences.

[This one resonates for me personally. Viewed in the rearview mirror, some of my darkest moments and biggest mistakes have come to symbolize significant turning points or deep learning that would not have been otherwise possible.  In the words of Helen Keller, “Only through experience of trial and suffering can the soul be strengthened, vision cleared, ambition inspired, and success achieved.”]

3.       Say, “Thank you.” Those who say ‘thank you’ more often than ‘please give me….’ experience higher life satisfaction.

4.       Three Square Meals.  A good friend of mine takes a moment before every meal and says three things he is grateful for since his last meal (and he is the most grateful person I know!)

5.       Appreciate Someone.  Every day, let a person in your life know you are grateful for them, and why.  Even if you only do this weekly, in a year you’ll have sent 52 notes.

6.       Build a Gratitude List. Start with a list of 25-50 things for which you are grateful.  Whenever you think of something new, add it to the list (challenge yourself to reach 100!).  Pull the list out and read it for a quick pick-me-up whenever you feel down, sad, or ungrateful.

7.       Wear a Body of Gratitude. With feet flat on the ground, pull your shoulders back and your head up, open your palms toward the person you are facing, and take a deep breath.

8.       Fill a Gratitude File.  Every time you receive a thank you note, place it in your file.  In email, create a folder to store these.  When you are having a bad day open the file and, as you read, feel the warmth of other people’s appreciation wash over you.

9.       Notice the Invisible and the Infrastructure. When was the last time you gave thanks for the fact that the lights actually go on when you flip the switch?  Or that your faucet flows with clean, drinkable water?  Or that you can live without fear of being assassinated in your home?  Much of the world’s population still lacks these life basics, so take a moment to appreciate what may have become invisible to you.

Happy Thanksgiving.  And in case you’ve not heard me say it before, my dear Readers: I am grateful for you!

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The 13 Principles of Happiness offer specific practices to strengthen your “happiness muscles.”  Visit http://www.theexecutivehappinesscoach.com/happiness/philosophies.cfm, to download a 1-page PDF Poster.  Post it on your refrigerator, and have extras handy for when your guests read it on Thanksgiving and want their own copies!

Be bold, step into your fear!

Love this quick video — an inspiring reminder that our fears are most often ONLY in our minds.

TIPS FOR AN UNHAPPY WORKFORCE

Most employees are already Unhappy, so it doesn’t take much effort to nudge them into Insecurity, as well. Here’s a quick reminder of how easy it is to keep your ungrateful subordinates in their place: under your control.**

1. Keep Them Guessing. Tell them nothing that’s not essential to their tiny little jobs.  First, it’s none of their business.  Second, they’re probably too stupid to understand important business concepts like you do.
2. Watch Them Like a Hawk. Show them why they can’t be Trusted.  Check their bags for smuggled company pens.  When you spot phone numbers of friends or family on the call log, highlight those and send an invoice; as a convenience, offer to dock their pay rather than requiring a bank check.
3. Isolation is Your Best Offense. When you see coworkers talking, tell them that sharing ANY company information is a terminable offense.  Don’t communicate with other departments; if no one knows what you do, it will be easier to act hurt or outraged when your budget gets cut.
4. Leverage Fear to Keep Your Calendar Clear. To minimize useless meetings, loudly slam things around when you’re in your office alone.  If you don’t have walls, put on your headset and pretend you are screaming on conference calls.  Avoid eye contact with underlings – it creates false hope that you are approachable.
5. Remind Them Why You’re the Boss. When you know the answer to a problem, say it quickly so you can demonstrate how smart you are.  If you don’t know the answer, sit back and let them solve it, then point out your excellent facilitation skills.

Remember, It’s ALL about the Title: Who needs to learn leadership skills when fear, intimidation, and the exercise of raw power can get the job done with less effort?  Tell your people to get happy on their own time, not yours.

**P.S. Note from Jim: I did NOT have to make up any of this. Each of these bad behaviors came from stories shared by audience members.  Hopefully none of them work for you!

I Don’t Want to be a Superstar; I just want to be ME!

I wish inspirational commercials like this were actually run on television, where they could reach more people and offer positive messages in the media.

It’s a minute and a half, and the most powerful message comes right at the end: I don’t want to be a superstar; I want to be better than that. I just want to be me!

NINE STRATEGIES TO AVOID HAPPINESS

Nine Strategies to Avoid Happiness: How to Live as a Victim and Still Control the World!

1.     Take Everything and Everyone for Granted. After all, it’s their job to take care of you, right?  Practice rudeness, then sneer at the ones who can’t handle it.  On those rare occasions when someone meets your impossibly high expectations, be sure to point out something that wasn’t perfect, even if you have to make it up.
What to Avoid: Never say “Thank You” or express Appreciation for anything.  Gratitude totally kills the buzz of a bad mood.

2.    Cultivate Pessimism. The world is a dark and dangerous place; make it your mission to remind people of that.  No matter what anyone suggests, frown and say, “That will never work!”  Scan the global weather channel daily so when people say “good morning” to you, you can remind them of a recent earthquake, typhoon, fire, or flood.
Exercise: Practice slumping, frowning, and rolling your eyes to deepen your skill.

3.    Use Social Comparison as a Weapon. When you notice any positive self-talk happening, immediately think of someone who is smarter, prettier, or more skilled than you – that will tamp down Self-Confidence before it gets out of control.  When a coworker receives recognition for their work, ice that down quickly by pointing out, “I’ve seen better.”
Child-rearing Tip: when your child brings home an essay or artwork, put on a Sad face and say, “too bad you’re not talented like <insert name of a friend> is.”

4.    Never Give Anyone a Break. Make ‘No’ your favorite word.  Never give of yourself, and for heaven’s sake avoid volunteerism.  Performing Acts of Kindness releases serotonin in your brain, which makes you feel better – and that’s the last thing you want!
Bonus Tip: Being mean to someone in public carries causes most bystanders to feel a little Depressed or Angry all day.  Double your impact!

5.    Push Other People Away. Isn’t it annoying when your family and friends try to “take care of you?”  Stay strong!  Keep declining invitations until they stop coming; then complain about Abandonment.  If you must attend, sit in a corner and whine about something irrelevant.
Special note about pets: Avoid warm-blooded pets, which tend to form icky Emotional bonds.  If you must have a pet, get a lizard, fish, or something with a reptile brain – there’s no risk they will ever care about you!

6.    Reject Simplicity. CNN apparently thinks you can handle three to six simultaneous streaming data feeds, so stay connected to The Grid at all times.  Respond to every email or call immediately (your global clients will be impressed when you respond at 4AM your time).
Special note: When you slow down and allow yourself to enjoy just one thing in the present moment, you risk allowing Happiness and Joy to take root.  So keep it complex!

7.    Avoid Commitment. According to Barry Schwartz’s work on the Paradox of Choice, having more options does not make us happier; in fact, we get more stressed.  So keep your options wide open!  Shun goal-writing exercises, as those create undesirable consequences like greater focus and discovery of your life purpose.  Live randomly and put off decisions until you have 100% of all data (which of course will be…never).
Bonus: Lacking a strong foundation, you need never Respond rationally to anything; instead, you will strengthen your Anxiety muscles and get really good at living in React mode.

8.    Sit Down! Did you know that studies of clinically Depressed people prove consistent exercise raises Happiness levels as much as Zoloft?  This is why you must guard against Wellness (a thinly disguised conspiracy to control your life).  Skip all health seminars, and when they start distributing salads and pedometers in the company cafeteria, drive to lunch at McDonalds.  Look, if your Physical energy improves through better Self-Care, it will naturally pull up your Mental, Emotional, and Spiritual energies, and you can’t let that happen!
Caution: If you accept even a tiny responsibility for personal Well-Being, it’s a slippery slope.  Soon you’ll be expected to manage your own Happiness, too, and how unfair is that?!

9.    Nurture Resentment. Never let go of anything.  Remember, Forgiveness is for weaklings.  It takes a determined person (like you) to hold on to all those old slights – real and imagined — and still endure the new crap that’s getting dumped on you.
Take it a level deeper: Plan regular time to Obsess about someone who wronged you in the past.  Daily attention ensures your negative emotions remain at a constant simmer, burning away your immune system.  You’ll get sick more often, of course, which will give you lots of opportunity to Hate those people who did this to you!

Remember, Practice builds stronger muscles.  Exercise at least one of these nine daily, and soon you’ll find yourself snugly tucked away at the bottom of the Deep Dark Pit of Despair, finally safe from all those nasty “happy” people who, by the way, are totally out of touch with the way the world really works.

But you know the Truth, don’t you?  BWAHAHAHA!

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The 13 Principles of Happiness offers the opposite of what you want.  DO NOT VISIT http://www.theexecutivehappinesscoach.com/happiness/philosophies.cfm to download them.  If you practice any of those 13 habits, you’ll never achieve your goal of UNhappiness.

Happy News: Chocolate Good for the Heart and Brain!

Healthy Eating? You Decide!

This news is a month+ old, but it’s really timeless, and it made me happy, so I’m sharing with you.  Science proves that Chocolate is GOOD FOR YOU!

Chocolate Good for the Heart and Brain, according to new meta-analysis

Michael O’Riordan  from http://www.theheart.org/article/1268867.do

August 29, 2011 (Paris, France) — In a city renowned for its love of food, it is only fitting that researchers presented the results of a new study in Paris, France, showing that chocolate is good for the heart and brain. In a presentation at the European Society of Cardiology (ESC) 2011 Congress, British investigators are reporting that individuals who ate the most chocolate had a 37% lower risk of cardiovascular disease and a 29% lower risk of stroke compared with individuals who ate the least amount of chocolate.

In the study, published online August 29, 2011 in BMJ to coincide with the ESC presentation, Dr Adriana Buitrago-Lopez (University of Cambridge, UK) and colleagues state: “Although overconsumption can have harmful effects, the existing studies generally agree on a potential beneficial association of chocolate consumption with a lower risk of cardiometabolic disorders. Our findings confirm this, and we found that higher levels of chocolate consumption might be associated with a one-third reduction in the risk of developing cardiovascular disease.”

In this meta-analysis of six cohort studies and one cross-sectional study, overall chocolate consumption was reported, with investigators not differentiating between dark, milk, or white chocolate. Chocolate in any form was included, such as chocolate bars, chocolate drinks, and chocolate snacks, such as confectionary, biscuits, desserts, and nutritional supplements. Chocolate consumption was reported differently in the trials but ranged from never to more than once per day. Most patients included in the trials were white, although one study included Hispanic and African Americans and one study included Asian patients.

Of the seven studies, five trials reported a significant inverse association between chocolate intake and cardiometabolic disorders. For example, individual studies showed reductions in the risk of coronary heart disease (odds ratio 0.43; 95% CI 0.27–0.68), the risk of cardiovascular disease mortality (relative risk [RR] 0.50; 95% CI 0.32–0.78), and the risk of incident diabetes in men (hazard ratio 0.65; 95% CI 0.43–0.97).

Overall, the pooled meta-analysis results showed that high levels of chocolate consumption compared with the lowest levels of chocolate consumption reduced the risk of any cardiovascular disease 37% (RR 0.63; 0.44–0.90) and stroke 29% (RR 0.71; 0.52–0.98). There was no association between chocolate consumption and the risk of heart failure, and no association on the incidence of diabetes in women.

The researchers note that the findings corroborate the results of previous meta-analyses of experimental and observational studies in different populations showing a similar relationship between chocolate and cocoa consumption and cardiometabolic disorders.

“These favorable effects seem mainly mediated by the high content of polyphenols present in cocoa products and are probably accrued through the increasing bioavailability of nitric oxide, which subsequently might lead to improvements in endothelial function, reductions in platelet function, and additional beneficial effects on blood pressure, insulin resistance, and blood lipids,” conclude Buitrago-Lopez and colleagues.

<end of press release>

Well, I’m not even pretending to understand that last bit, about endothelial function and whatnot…. but in celebration of this news, I’m having myself a couple pieces of a Trader Joe’s 72% Chocolate bar — because even generic chocolate makes me smile!

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