Movies to Make You Think

So, we saw two movies this past weekend (Doubt, and Seven Pounds) and enjoyed them both.  Yet they were so very different that I find it impossible to compare.  I cannot say, “this one was better because…”  They were just too very different.

I do not want the job of a movie critic, who must find a way to assess each movie to some standard.  In my world, the standard is, “did I enjoy it?”  AND I tend to enjoy movies that cause me to think.  Both of these did, in different ways.

First, the movie Doubt.  (click on the image to learn more, and read the reviews). This movie has garnered 76% positive reviews, and there appears little debate that it’s a “good” movie.

In my opinion, all three of the main players turned in very powerful performances.  Phillip Seymour Hoffman is always sensational, and there’s no exception here as he plays across a wide range of emotional space as a parish priest accused of impropriety; he moves from anger to arrogance, and from caring concern to resignation.

Meryl Streep, whom I just saw last weekend on video in the cotton-candy of a musical, Momma Mia, plays a nun — the school principal — who must balance very carefully the evidence she does not really have against her compelling need to protect the children in her care.  She, too, must navigate a broad range of emotions, and IMHO she carries off her role with a fierceness and caring that I found extraordinary.

The real surprise for me was the intense performance by Amy Adams.  Till now, I’ve only seen her in light and airy roles: singing with birds in Disney’s Enchantment, or playing the madcap and superficial employer in Miss Pettigrew Lives for a Day.  Here, sans makeup, color, music, or dancing, she’s left with nothing but her acting talent.  I was truly impressed.  There’s one scene where she is torn nearly apart with conflict, and she carries all of that scene with just her face, framed by a black habit.

Frankly, there’s one other scene stealer: Viola Davis, in a role as the mother of the parish school’s only black student.  She’s on screen for maybe five minutes, and WOW, what a powerful performance as a mother terribly conflicted about what is best for her son.  If you see the movie, watch for the scene where she and Sister Aloysius are standing outside the apartment building.

There was little happiness in this movie.  But it certainly helped me to appreciate how important a little happiness is to people….

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Then there was Seven Pounds, the newest Will Smith vehicle.  The movie’s been roundly panned by critics (only 28% positive reviews — click on the image to learn more)… but still, it’s WILL SMITH!

One reviewer captured best what I felt after viewing the movie: “You will either be frustrated with its asymmetrical and manipulative storytelling or be captivated by scattered clues that ultimately lead to some kind of resolution.”

For the first 15 minutes I just kept thinking, “what is H— is going on?!?!”  Then my curiosity started getting the better of me and I thought, “I remember having the same reaction to the movie, Crash… and the out-of-sequence narrative eventually came together.”  So, I surrendered to the movie, and instead of trying to FIGURE IT OUT, I let it unfold.

Which it did.

Does it make sense, in the end?  From a narrative standpoint, I was very satisfied.  I was surprised.  I cried.  Once the plot twist occurred, the rest was predictable.  But still, I was satisfied.

The interesting thing is that this was about a man who, in an effort to make up for a horrific event that he blames himself for, ends up making seven people very happy.

I can’t tell you how, because that would ruin the movie.  I CAN tell you that some of those scenes are blatantly manipulative, in the way that storytelling manipulates us into an emotional space and then takes advantage of our trust.

A word of warning: if you go to see this movie, plan to suspend logic and reality before you enter the theater.  If you want a reality tale, this is not your thing.  If you want a fantastic, sometimes perplexing, sometimes sweet story that is marginally plausible (which is what movies allow us to enjoy), then you’re all set.

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I guarantee both these movies will make you think.

Confessions of a Cinematic Two-Timer

<If, dear reader, you believe me to be a perfect human being who never does anything inappropriate… please stop reading now.  I don’t want to tarnish your image of me.>

For the rest of you, I have a confession to make.  Yes, at the risk of being picked up by the Cinema Police, I confess that this past weekend my wife and I did something that we’ve not done since we were poor and in college — we double dipped.

It wasn’t planned.  We did it on the spur of the moment, and were ready to give ourselves up at any moment.  Truly!

On Saturday evening we bought tickets to see Doubt.  By the way, a VERY powerful movie… and one that will have you, at the end, debating what actually happened.  More on that in a later post….

Anyway, we exited the theater to hit the restrooms and then, as we headed down the hallway to the exits, we noticed a lot of people entering the theater for Seven Pounds, the new Will Smith release.  Like most of you, I’m sure, we have a limited movie budget — there’s only so much time, and so many dollars we are willing to invest on new releases.  Because we’d rated several other films as “must see” over the holidays, Seven Pounds had been moved to our “see it on video next year” list.

Still, it is Will Smith… and we were a bit curious…. so we said, hey, let’s just pop our heads in and check it out, just to get a feel for it….  (our first mistake…)

We entered the theater just as the previews were starting, and the place was less than half full, so we just took a seat on the side (our second mistake…), fully intending to exit if the place got full.  It never did.  And before we knew it, the movie had started, we were completely sucked in, and BAM, just like that we became cinematic two-timers.

I know, I know… it was wrong.

And we both felt appropriately wicked.

And we did spend a few moments locked in guilt, justifying our actions (“we spent 25 bucks on tickets and popcorn…”).

But I gotta tell, you our net emotional return was… happiness.  Yep.  In the emotional stew of Guilt + desire + curiosity + pleasure, what rose to the top was the pleasure — the short-lived, we’ll-take-it-when-we-can-get-it form of happiness.

Guilty pleasures.

Money CAN Buy Happiness

I recently re-discovered a fabulous article originally published by Harvard Business School’s Working Knowledge site, way back in June.  It’s a research-based report on the concept of spending and Happiness.

Selected excerpts from the article:

Can money buy you happiness? Yes—so long as you spend the money on someone else. According to new research, giving other people even as little as $5 can lead to increased well-being for the giver.

That’s the insight into the secret of happiness by HBS professor Michael Norton and two colleagues from the University of British Columbia….
“Intentional activities—practices in which people actively and effortfully choose to engage—may represent a promising route to lasting happiness. Supporting this premise, our work demonstrates that how people choose to spend their money is at least as important as how much money they make,” the researchers explain.

“Our findings suggest that very minor alterations in spending allocations—as little as $5 in our final study—may be sufficient to produce non-trivial gains in happiness on a given day.”

According to researcher Michael Norton: “one of the most puzzling paradoxes in social science is that though people spend so much of their time trying to make more money, having more money doesn’t seem to make them that much happier. My colleagues Liz Dunn and Lara Aknin—both at the University of British Columbia—and I wondered if the issue was not that money couldn’t buy happiness but that people simply weren’t spending it in the right way to make themselves happier. Liz had the great idea to explore whether, if we encouraged people to spend money in different ways, we could uncover the domains in which money might lead to happiness. We conducted a number of studies—from national surveys to a field study in which we examined how the manner in which employees at a Boston-based company spent a profit-sharing bonus impacted their long-term happiness—in which we showed that money can buy happiness, when people spend that money prosocially on others (giving gifts to friends, donating to charities) rather than on themselves (buying flat-screen televisions).

View the complete article here: Spending On Happiness

During the lead-up to the 2008 holidays, one of the consistent themes I saw in my professional circle was the notion of making a donation to a community cause rather than spending $$ on holiday parties.  This research explains WHY this notion is so appealing.  When we spend our money AND believe we are making a difference for someone else, we get a little burst of happiness.

I think this also explains why people who just spend $$ on gifting to “impress” others often find gift-giving to be a real downer.  When the goal is to impress and “out-gift” others in a “keep up with the Joneses” sort of holiday competition, there’s not a lot of space for joy.

But when one takes the time to select a gift that they know the other will truly appreciate, use, get joy from… well, then the giving is a lot more fun.

Just yesterday,  I bought a last minute gift at the grocery store (of all places), and it cost me less than four bucks.  It happened to be a favorite snack of my dying-of-cancer aunt, which I’d learned was difficult to find on the other side of town.  I lucked out in noticing it on the shelf, bought it, and gifted it “just because.”  I think I got more joy from picking up that little gift than from all the $$ I spent on others.

Our intention — our knowing that we are ‘making a difference for someone else’ — is what really creates our Happiness.

May all of my readers experience the Joy of giving this holiday!

Happiness Changing Lives

I received a Christmas card from someone whose name I did not recognize.  Inside was one of the most poignant messages I’ve ever received from a workshop participant:

“Jim,

I attended your Happiness Seminar at the Cleveland VA Medical Center in October.  It could not have come at a better time for me.  I had, only the week before, finally sought help for my chronic depression.  Some of the tools you presented fit well into the healing plan I developed with my counselor.

Your 13 Principles of Happiness and the advice to eliminate stressors and take my own oxygen first have been instrumental in my progress.  Thank you.

I just want to let you know that warm thoughts are with you throughout the holiday season.”

Wow!  You are welcome!

Knowing that the work I do can create positive changes in the lives of those I touch:  Priceless.  This is why I do what I do.

Happiness — and helping people access that happiness — changes lives.  Way cool!

Slumdog Millionaire – a winner in my book!

After my post ten days ago about this movie, several people wrote me (or commented on the blog) to ask for my opinion AFTER seeing the movie.

Well, my wife and I finally got to see it on Saturday afternoon.  I went into the theatre with high expectations.  Sometimes expecting too much of a film can ruin the experience, so I reminded myself to “let go” of the original story from the book, Q & A, and simply enjoy the ride.

Let me tell you, it was not hard to do — to enjoy the ride, that is.  The story varies considerably from the book in the way many films must vary.  For instance, a half-dozen or more minor characters who flowed in and out of the life of Jamal (the main character) were realized in a composite character who did not even exist in the book: his older brother.   In the book, Jamal did not meet the love of his life until he was 14; in the movie, she is a childhood friend.  All these shifts make much sense when one considers how little time a filmmaker has to develop relationships in a movie.

So, I accepted the adjustments necessary to adapt the book to a screenplay.  The biggest concern remained: will the film honor the heart and soul of the book?

Yes.  Absolutely yes!

Slumdog Millionaire the movie does a brilliant job of capturing the grit and glamour and poverty and misery of life in Mumbai, yet without commentary – it just is.  And Dev Patel is just wonderful in the lead role, the 16 year old Jamal, appearing on Who Wants To Be a Millionaire to win $20 Million rupees.  And the story line is just as improbable and yet plausible as was the book.

I repeat what I offered in my first post on this movie — go, see it yourself.  You will laugh, you will cry, you will be angry, you will be confused, you will feel sadness and you will feel joy, as Jamal pursues happiness in his chaotic world.

and who knows… I may see you there.  I certainly intend to see the movie again!

P.S. for those who love the pure energy and joy of a good Bollywood musical, I have a word of advice: stay for the credits at the end!  There’s a lovely surprise for those who remain in their seats.  It will make you smile!

Happiness and Hearing Well

I’m in love! With my new headset, that is.

I do a LOT of phone work, and recently more and more I’ve had people saying, “could you repeat that?”  “What did you say?” and so on — especially when I’m leading group calls, where we also have to factor in the Echo Factor, ambient noise, and other auditory clutter.  I tested myself on a few recordings and, sure enough, my beloved headset is apparently having senior moments — fading away, dropping bits of sound, and the like.  I’m very sad, because it is damnably difficult to find a headset that meets ALL THREE of my criteria:

1. I must be able to hear with crystal clarity on my end.
2. The party/parties on the other end must be able to hear ME with crystal clarity
3. It must be comfortable to wear for 5-6 hours at a time

You’d be amazed how rare it is to find all three.  If it’s comfortable, no one can hear me.  If the sound quality is great on both ends, my ear feels numb after wearing the thing for 20 minutes.  Aargh.  I approach shopping for a new headset like I imagine some people look forward to a root canal.

I began my quest a month ago, and have quietly purchased, played with, and subsequently returned a series of inadequate headsets.  It always failed on one of the above three counts.  I even tried a bluetooth headset for my office phone.  That was a riot.  I think it crossed signals with my microwave oven.  Long story there…

Today I stopped by a new office supply store and they displayed some Plantronics headsets I’ve not seen before.  Of course, it’s impossible to test these things in the store — the only way to see if they work is to buy it, test it, then return it quickly.

The Plantronics MX500i (sounds like a sports car, doesn’t it?) is proof that if you keep looking, you’ll eventually find what you want.  First, it’s very light. It fits UNDER my ear, so it does not interfere with my glasses — this is a surprise benefit!  It has a simple Mute switch so I don’t have to always worry about knowing the Mute code when I’m on a teleconference.  It has a volume wheel built into the cord.

And best of all, I can hear beautifully, and all the people I spoke with this afternoon said, “it’s like you’re standing right next to me, Jim!”  Woohoo!  I can’t wait till my next teleclass!

I’m so psyched.   This is almost like finding the perfect dark chocolate bar after tasting a bunch of losers.

Workplace happiness does not take much to achieve.  Just give me a meaningful job, enough autonomy to do it my own way…. and the proper equipment to do it well!  This was the best small investment I’ve made in my business in a long time.  Simple things make me happy!

Eight Tips for Holiday Happiness

A recent Saturday Night Live skit revolved around a family of grown siblings gathered for Christmas Dinner.  Their interaction moved from the sharing of warm moments and singing carols to screaming tirades based on sibling “issues” from childhood.

The humor came out of human moments.  How many of us have a similar “love ‘em/can’t stand ‘em” relationship with parts of our family – one that surfaces when we are gathered for a shared meal or exchange of gifts?

The skit struck me as particularly relevant because I’ve had numerous conversations with friends and clients over the past couple weeks: adults in their mid-40’s who can’t seem to escape a relationship pattern that was established when they were teens; concerns over petty rivalries spoiling holiday gatherings; or discussing the dread they feel when they think about the holidays.

Hey, I’ve been there: I’m part of a big family.  On one side, “intimate” gatherings involve 40 people ranging in age from 1 to 73, while on the other side of the family we mix up blended families and second marriages.  Toss in a few crying babies and season with a sullen boyfriend who’s “bad for her,” and we are never at a loss for drama!

Are you one of those hoping to SURVIVE the holidays this year?  Perhaps these will help:

Eight Tips For Holiday Happiness

1.    Take a Breath, On Purpose. Breathing is the – let me repeat that, with more emphasis – THE most powerful tool you possess for helping you respond to stress-inducing situations.  When you take a breath – on purpose – deep into your body, you provide extra fuel to your brain (for quicker thinking), while you create an autonomic relaxation response in your body.  Try it right now (I’ll wait).
Ahhhhh…. Wasn’t that nice?  Now, practice that several times a day, every day, so your body knows how to do that when Uncle Harry reminds you – yet again – that your apricot roll will never be as good as Great-grandma’s <grrrr>.

2.    Step Back. When you find yourself at the edge of your nerves, take a step back.  Literally.  The physical act of pulling your body back helps your emotions also pull back from the edge.  From a calmer emotional space, you can de-escalate the situation.

3.    Keep Your Wits About You. If someone did or said that in the workplace, would you react the same way you do as when your mother does it?  If you’re like most people, you play by a more “professional” set of norms at work.  I suggest that if you bring your Work Wits to a family gathering, you’ll find it easier to respond appropriately, and then move on to the next conversation.

4.    Don’t “Play To Win.” A good conversation is about the exchange of ideas.  If you need to always Be Right – if your goal is to “win points” – you’ll be spending lots of your holiday time trying to convince others to change their “wrong” opinions.  Why?  Unless they live with you every day, who cares?  They’re your relatives, not your competitors on Survivor!

5.    Keep It Light. If you’re like many people, you will spend a good deal of time selecting an outfit to wear to each gathering.  While you’re in the closet, pull down that Smile you keep in a jar on the shelf.  And layer on a pleasant expression, while you’re at it.  If you arrive already tense and grouchy based on what happened last year, you’ll guarantee a tough time.  But show up in your best Smile, ready to laugh at cousin Ron’s (very lame) jokes, and you may just enjoy yourself!

6.    Let It Go. Yes, I know that cousin Judy really ticked you off by scheduling her wedding just two weeks before yours.  But come on – that was 13 years ago!  And are you EVER going to let go of resentment over what your little brother did to you when he was 17 and an idiot – before he got married and got responsible?  Remember that forgiveness is a very powerful emotion; it does not erase the past, but it gives you permission to not let what happened in the past drag you down in the present.  Let it go, and notice how much lighter and happier you feel.

7.    Hang Around With the Little Ones. When you arrive at a family gathering that involves kids, share some of it with them.  Chat with your teen-aged nieces and nephews and listen to their dreams.  Allow yourself to be relaxed and real with a giggly four-year old.  And while other people might engage in the drama, you’ll have a lot more fun laying on the floor and looking at the tree from underneath!

8.    It’s Not About The Gifts. Really.  It’s not.  You know that – I’m not telling you anything new.  I’m just reminding you to tap into the wisdom you already possess.  Focus on relationships and just being together.  Notice your blessings.  Maybe even convince the family to share something they are grateful for before you open all the pretty boxes.  Best Buy’s tagline is “You. Happier.” With all due respect, you can’t buy happiness in a box at an electronics store.

9.    Bonus Tip: Breathe. Yes, this is repeat of Tip #1 — it’s that powerful.  The word Inspiration (to breath in) means literally ‘to infuse with life/breath.’  When you notice something that’s about to suck away some of your happiness, inspire yourself with a gift of calm and extra oxygen.  Plus, there’s a bonus to taking a nice long breath in – you can’t talk!  And if you can’t talk, you make a better listener.  This is a pretty happy place to be!

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The 13 Principles of Happiness provide more ideas for increasing your happiness, especially relevant in a world gone mad.

Why not download and post a 1-page summary of all 13 as a reminder?  You can do so here: http://www.theexecutivehappinesscoach.com/happiness/philosophies.cfm.  Take care of you.

Slumdog Millionaire – I hope it’s as good as the book

Two years ago in my 2007 Summer Reading List I lauded the book, Q&A, by Vikas Swarup.  I thought it was a WONDERFUL story, and highly recommended the audio version of the book.  I am thrilled that it’s been turned in to a movie, Slumdog Millionaire, opening in Cleveland tonite!

Here’s an excerpt from my own review of the book:

[Jim’s Notes:How do I describe this book? The premise is that a young, uneducated waiter who lives in Mumbai, India, has just won the largest Jackpot in television history – a billion rupees! – by answering a series of twelve consecutive and increasingly difficult questions on a “who wants to be a millionaire”-like program on Indian television. The producers of the show find it impossible to believe that he achieved this without cheating. As the book opens, he is being arrested. He ends up in the custody of a police detective to whom he tells his story, demonstrating how his unique life circumstances led him to know – uneducated as he is – all the correct answers. The tale is an exploration of life for the indigent and servile masses in modern day India, the caste system, injustice, child slavery the buying and selling of lives, greed, friendship, love, betrayal, and most of all, the power of spirit. AND it is all wrapped up in an engaging story about an unassuming young man who has struggled to survive on his wits alone, in an unforgiving system, since he was orphaned at age seven.

In the midst of much misery, by the way, this character never suffers – for suffering is not about pain but about how we respond to pain. He does not suffer because he sees life for what it is – life. He just keeps moving, doing what he needs to do to survive. (I do not believe this was a commentary by the author, but more my own observation. I never felt sorry for him – he simply tells his story in a straightforward matter -- it is what it is).]

To read the rest of my review, you can download the list from my archives.

It’s got a 92% postive rating at RottenTomatoes.com.  Read the book.  See the movie.  I promise you your heart will feel lighter!

Found Happiness

Sitting on my bureau in my bedroom is a huge glass beer stein I won back in college (I won’t say what, precisely, I won it for…). Every day when I arrive home I toss any loose change from my pockets into the mug.

It’s been ages since I last rolled all those coins. In effort to find new sources of holiday cash, I lugged the mug up to mall and poured contents into one of those big, green Coinstar Machines.

$103.82. One hundred and three dollars. And eighty-two cents. Who knew?

So I turned the entire balance into a gift certificate for Amazon.com.  It costs nothing, and I can use it immediately.

PLUS, they have a promo going until 12-15 — if you send in the bottom half of the receipt you get from the machine, Coinstar will send you an ADDITIONAL $10 (that’s ten bucks!) to use for the service as original GC.  I could have done Starbucks or a dozen other retail or online vendors.

Found Happiness, that’s what I call this.  I empty the lint from my pockets, and I get a bonus.

What did I do with my “found” money?  I spent part of it on some presents for others.  And then I looked in my Amazon Wish List.  Hmmm.  This is where I post things that I want to get for myself, but don’t, because… I dunno.  Maybe a little bit of guilt, like, “Do you really need ANOTHER book or CD, Jim?”

Honestly?  YES!  So I turned part of my Found Money into:

• a new Enya CD (and WInter Came)
• Yo Yo Ma’s fabulous Songs of Joy & Peace (Wexford Carol with Alison Krauss is AWESOME!)
• Daniel Pink’s new book, and
• two CD’s by the ethereal Loreen McKennitt (A Midwinter Night’s Dream and An Ancient Muse).
• Oh, and I FINALLY bought a copy of Jill Bolte Taylor’s fabulous “My Stroke of Insight.

Music, Muses, and learning.  This truly is, for me, some FOUND HAPPINESS! 

Happiness is Contagious

This just in, from the bespectacled researchers at Harvard: Happiness is contagious.

OK, so we’ve known for a long time that moods and emotions spread to those around us.  What’s different about this study is that the researchers have been able to quantify the impact. And it’s not just about who you talk with daily. Neighbors whom you only see occasionally can impact your happiness. And happy people like to cluster: people on Facebook with smiling photos are more likely to be friends with other smilers. Interesting!

Read the full article here: Happiness is Contagious in Social Networks

and see the accompanying video clip from CNN here:

What’s the bottom line? If you hang around with happy people, you’ll feel (15%!) happier. If you are happy, others are more likely to want to hang around with you.

Cool!

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