Communicating Unhappy News

As more and more companies must make the difficult decision to reduce staff and send people packing, I’ve had many leaders come to me and ask for advice on what to tell people when they ask questions. When people suspect a lay off is pending, they shift into constant anxiety.

Yet too many top leaders, for their own reasons, insist on “keeping mum” as the official management policy. And it’s the leaders who are frustrated with that policy who come to me and ask, ‘what should I do?’

I usually tell them, “you may be asking the wrong person!” I’ve gotten myself in trouble on numerous occasions for sharing information with my team that was not “supposed” to be shared. Of course, on the flip side, I’ve generally had great trusting relationships with my teams, whether I was running a 12-person financial unit or a 100-member service team. So it’s a balancing game: please the boss and support secrecy, or improve loyalty and retention of team members. It’s not been a difficult choice for me, ever… but just so you know.

By now I’m sure you’ve guessed my counsel to those managers. Here’s my philosophy: In the absence of news, people will make up their own. Do you want them to believe the rumors or the truth? I also passionately believe that people prefer to hear difficult news directly from their manager. When you are sharing the bad news as well as the good news, people trust you more and won’t be looking for hidden agendas.

Plus, I happen to subscribe to the ‘they are all adults’ story… and they are not stupid or blind, so pretending nothing is happening is simply not a smart option.

Bruce Hennes is a local Crisis Communications expert — he goes in to help companies when big things blow up.  While his work is generally around embarrassment and scandal, I love how his tips for great crisis communication work for many common issues, as well.  Bruce’s coaching around any sort of bad news is to NEVER, EVER try to keep it secret — it will only blow up on you. So his top three rules are:

1. Tell the Truth (they are going to discover it, anyway!)
2. Be the First (let them hear it from you, not from others)
3. Tell it all (share what is known)*

*About #3: don’t wait till you have all the facts. Tell what you do know — and what you don’t know. And if you’re sharing opinion or conjecture, make it clear that it’s just your opinion/guess. That way if reality pans out differently, people will still trust you.

Bruce says that the more YOU talk about an issue (following the above), the faster it goes away.  But once the rumor mill (or the media) have it, they will make up anything that’s missing, and sometimes the story they create is much worse than the Truth!

Over the past month I ‘ve coached leaders at two companies thru this very process.  At one organization they had to eventually lay off 20% of their workforce, but the process was going to take two weeks to fully develop. I urged them to keep sharing everything that was firmly decided as it was decided (rather than waiting till the last minute as people were being sent home), and everyone — those laid off and those who survived — felt much better about the process. Sad? Yes. Betrayed? No.

For many who work in organizations today, the news is grim and the conversations difficult.  How can you keep from falling into depression?

Here’s how: Pay attention to how you’re carrying yourself. You and your coworkers/team may not be able to control the business, but you can always control you, how you respond, etc. You can still be an optimist. Some things are falling apart, yes, AND some things are still working. What you give the most attention to will determine your ability to function and lead through it all.

In happiness, J

Tough Choice

I could not resist pulling this two-minute video onto my blog.  It resonated with me because, of all the leadership challenges that come up in coaching and training conversations, this is the most common area of concern (I can’t tell you more without giving away the twist).

This is part of a new series of humorous looks at Crucial Conversations posted by Vital Smarts.  It’s certainly a novel way of getting out the word!

Now that you’ve watched it, we can talk.

I deliver several different workshops on Communication and Coaching, and the PA conversation seems always to be at the heart of “concerns.” Sad, AND true.

Truly, how many of you carry this same perception of the Performance Appraisal experience? Guess what — LOTS of people feel this way.

Thanks goodness we can laugh about it. Now, what might we DO about it, so this is not such an unhappy process for so many people? How might we show up differently as leaders so that it’s an easy choice?

Something to think about.

Everything’s Amazing, Nobody’s Happy

This is a simply riotous video that you’ll especially appreciate if you are “older” (over 25).  In a four-minute clip of Conan O’Brien hosts the comedian Louis CK who is talking of the spoiled generation (tho frankly, I know a lot of older folks who behave the same way).

The sentiment here is that we are living in a world that is truly astounding… and we’ve become numb to the miracles we live with every day.    Enjoy!

If you cannot view the video clip here, you can see it at YouTube

Putting this sentiment into action

While I was nearly hysterical with laughter the first time I viewed this, I found that a second viewing led me down a more reflective path.  What ARE the everyday miracles I take for granted? Here’s just three:

• Ten years ago if I wanted to discover facts about a topic I would have to read the Encyclopedia (a now-ancient format for gathering info), or spend a half day going to the library for research.  Now, I just Google it, in seconds.
• When my oldest child went to college, we established our own toll-free phone number, because that was the only way to avoid outrageous ‘long-distance’ phone charges.  Now, my “land” phone is via the Internet, and I can call anywhere in the world and nobody cares about cost.
• And one of my favorites:  my record collection when I was younger weighed about 60 pounds and required two people to carry a huge, heavy-duty crate;  AND I could only play one record at a time.  Now, I carry over 220 albums — enough music to mix and play continuously for 10.1 days! — in a container slightly larger than a deck of cards.  OH, and I have my entire movie collection in that same container.  OH, and the equivalent of  six photo albums.  How cool is that?!

When you take a moment to appreciate what you DO have, rather than focusing on what’s missing,  you’ll have a much happier ride!

Hey, how about you take a moment to leave a comment and share just 1-2 everyday miracles that you thought about while reading this post! Thanks.

Happiness is Making Do With What You Have

It is a gray, dreary day.  Neither of us wants to grocery shop in the rain.  Yet, we must eat something.

On the counter we assemble all the fresh food remaining in the house:

• 1 lb of carrots
• 3 large yams
• 4 overripe tomatoes
• 1/2 pint of mushrooms
• 1/2 bag of frozen corn
• 2 apples
• a large handful of spinach
• 1 egg

My wife says, “Good Luck!” and leaves the kitchen.  I am alone, and desperate.

It is one of those days when the only option is to actually read the cook book — page through section after section, desperately seeking a solution.  I am paging through the soups and stews section when something catches my eye: dumplings.  I think, “Hmm, we do have flour, and I’ve not had dumplings in years.  I wonder…”

That leads me to study Stews for a few minutes.  Possibilities start to form as I look up yam-compatible spices.  Hmm, again.  I check out the spice rack.  Good.  AND we have a head of garlic and a big chunk of fresh ginger.  Cool.  I go to work.

Peel and chop everything on the counter into bite-size pieces.  Saute six cloves of garlic in butter.  Toss in the chopped fruit and veggies, along with a half-cup of fresh grated ginger, season with 1 tsp Allspice, 1/2 tsp each Nutmeg and Five Spice (an asian spice blend), and a bit of sea salt and fresh ground pepper.  Just for kicks I chop and toss in about a half cup of dried mango.  Ooh, it really starts to smell wonderful.

I saute the mix, then add just enough chicken stock to cover. Simmer with the cover on for 45 mins.  The aroma draws my wife back in to the kitchen.  “Smells wonderful.  What is it?”  “I’m not really sure, yet” I explain.  She looks doubtful and retreats back to the living room.  She trusts me in the kitchen, but has learned that sometimes it’s better not to know what happened before it ends up on her plate.  I continue.

Carrots and yams are soft yet still a little crisp — perfect.  I whip together a thickener (milk and flour) and mix it in.  Ah, now it looks like stew!  On top of this mix I ladle my dumpling mix, made with my lone egg, flour, cornmeal, milk and some salt/pepper.  Ten more minutes on simmer and, Voila!

Fruit and Vegetable Stew, I name it.  Thick, sweet, and very hot; a perfect comfort food on a rainy March Sunday dinner.

Of course, I still have to grocery shop, but that’s for another day.

Happiness is making do with what you have!

Happiness is Standing On My Head

I finally did it!  After months of  practice and preparation, I finally managed to execute a full headstand!

OK, I could only hold it for a few seconds, but this was HUGE for me.  I’ve had to overcome my fear of falling as well as the “story” I told myself about how I “can’t” balance upside down.

Yoga = Union

Yoga demands a total IN the body awareness; in fact the word yoga means union — body, mind, soul.  I find that anytime I am feeling out of sorts –  physically, mentally, or emotionally — that 10 to 15 minutes of moving meditation (which is what yoga is, essentially) helps me recalibrate and get back in touch with my body and my mood.

To deepen my practice, I’ve studied different poses (asanas) and every few months try to add a new form or pose to my practice.  I’ve attempted — and mastered — just about every asana I’ve attempted EXCEPT in the category of Inversions.  Inversions are those poses that turn the body upside down.  While I mastered a shoulder stand (feet straight up in the air), I have struggled with everything else.

At the beginning of 2009 I set as a goal to master two new inversions this year.  I was determined.  (several of my friends and colleagues, upon hearing this goal, just rolled their eyes.  I push on, regardless!)

Where I’m Going ≠Where I Am

Then I attended a class where the woman next to me moved into several inversions with such grace and power that I was in awe.  After the class I asked her for a moment of assistance, and what she taught me completely changed my conversation.

I’d been so focused on the pose itself — the headstand, the handstand — that I was hardly paying any attention to the movement INTO the pose.  She showed me how to refocus my attention from where was going to where I am — to where my body is in the process of moving overhead.  This shifted my attention from my feet (trying to get them to a point six feet up the wall) to my core, where all the heavy lifting occurs.  When I brought myself back into my core, my middle, instead of “out there, ” I was able to easily move into headstand.  How cool!

The Key = Core Strength

This experience got me thinking about Happiness and the critical role of the core in creating and maintaining emotional stability.  When the focus of happiness is “out there,” one can be feeling OK about life during steady times.  But when life comes along and turns things upside down, it’s easy to fall down over and again.

Just as the physical core must be strong to hold a difficult yoga pose, our emotional core must be strong in order to hold steady when it gets turned in unusual ways.

I cannot emphasize enough the importance of practice, practice, practice in yoga.  At least four or five times a week I spend a few minutes moving my body through the basics (called Sun Salutations) to stretch and strengthen my arms, legs, core, and breath.

So too, one must practice, practice, practice the ability to hold calm in the body, the ability to bring oneself back to the center (the core) by attending to posture and a deep breath or two.  The strength we create thru practice shows up in times of challenge as resilience.

So keep working on that Happy Body of yours.  Stand tall, breathe deeply, smile often.  And the next time life turns you upside down, move into that pose with grace and know that you have the capacity to stand on your head AND be happy!

Happiness is standing on my head!

Change Starts With You

“If you start waiting for other people to stop being stupid, it will take too long.“
~Raskilnikov, in the play Crime and Punishment

Isn’t that just the greatest quote?  Raskilnikov utters this line near the end of the play, shortly before he breaks down and confesses his crime.

He holds a theory that some men are “extraordinary” and are thus exempt from laws (like murder) when they can show how an act of evil can be justified if, in the end, a greater good is made possible. He has a few problems, however, convincing people that his murder of an evil woman is balanced out by the prevention of her future cruelty to others.

He utters the above line as he realizes that time has run out on him — no one’s going to buy his justification…

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Imagine me sitting in a darkened theater at the moment this line is uttered, suddenly startled into looking frantically for a pen to capture the quote before I lose it.   The line perfectly captures the essence of coaching, of my work in happiness, and my belief that I am the only person who can create my world.

Look at that line again.  Now, substitute for the word “stupid” just about any human trait you find irritating, and notice how true it is:

“If you start waiting for other people to stop being IRRESPONSIBLE, it will take too long.”
“If you start waiting for other people to stop being MISERABLE, it will take too long.”
“If you start waiting for other people to stop being GREEDY, it will take too long.”
“If you start waiting for other people to stop being UNREASONABLE, it will take too long.”
“If you start waiting for other people to stop being UNCOMMUNICATIVE, it will take too long.”
“If you start waiting for other people to stop being CONTROLLING, it will take too long.”
“If you start waiting for other people to stop being MEAN TO ME, it will take too long.”

See where I’m going, here?  It all comes back to you.  People are going to be who and how they are, and there’s nothing you can do to stop them from being how they are.  So if other people’s behavior galls you, you have only two choices:

1. Let it eat away at you until you become a victim, OR
2. Take responsibility for, and shift, how you react to other people.

I’m not giving anything away to remind you that, in the end, Raskilnikov turns himself in and thus finds peace within himself: he knows that by serving time for his crime, he’s doing the right thing.   He found the courage in himself to change how he responded to the world.

In a similar way you have the choice, every day, to hold onto your current beliefs, or not.  To justify your own actions and behaviors and always be RIGHT in every conversation, or to let go and let others be heard.  You have the choice to be in anger about other people’s “stupidity,” or accept that they are who they are, and move on.

Change starts with you.

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By the way, if you’ve never finished Crime and Punishment because it was just too long and too dense, know that this adaptation, written by Marilyn Campbell and Curt Columbus, does a magnificent job of reducing the story to just 90 minutes.  The play honors Dostoyevsky’s dark, brooding view of the world thru his existentialist lens, yet strips out a lot of the complications and multiple plotlines to bring the book’s primary struggle to life on the stage.

If you’re in Cleveland, note that Crime and Punishment will continue to run thru March 22 at the Drury Theater at Cleveland Playhouse.  According to a coupon in the playbill, if you mention that a FRIEND told you about it, you’ll get $10 off the ticket price.  We sat in the balcony and had a fabulous view of the stage in this intimate theatre — a real gem!