The Universe Wants You to be Happy

I generally dislike car commercials, if for no other reason that they are so blatantly manipulative, relying heavily on vanity, lust, envy, or sex to sell their product.

So I’ve been pleasantly surprised by Ford’s new marketing.  Having been (justifiably) accused of disconnection from the real world, they have responded with elegant simplicity.  One of their billboards shows the oval Ford logo on the left followed by just two words: Buy one.

Ford: Buy one.  Wow, that’s as direct as it gets (their overall theme is Ford: Drive one.) Will it work?  Maybe.  Maybe the simplicity will cut thru the thousands of messages that hit us on a daily basis.

You know, the Universe has been using this same approach for thousands of years, and yet we still manage to miss those messages.  The Universe wants you to be happy, and is constantly sending signs to remind you of that:

• rainbows
• sunny days
• the smell of spring rain
• laughter
• tomorrow
• daffodils
• the quiet of a winter snowfall
• crisp fall afternoons
• sunsets
• sunrises
• autumn colors

Are you listening to the Universe?

Do you get “typical results” from your life?

As part of my Marketing homework, I’ve been studying online sales sites – you know, those really long web pages that tell you everything possible about a product or service, with a Buy Now button at the bottom of the page.

A feature common to most such sites is Testimonials, usually from people who achieved to-die-for results:

• I made a bajillion dollars in five minutes after I bought this system!
• I lost 100 pounds reduced my body fat to 2% in just six weeks!
• I got over 1000 applications for my new program in one day!

And so on.  I’m sure you’ve all seen sites like these.  Usually there’s a note tucked discreetly into a dark corner that reminds readers that ‘your results may not be typical.’  Then, I came across this refreshingly candid Disclaimer, on  a site that offers a four-phase workout program:

Please read our awesome disclaimer:  Due to recent statements from the FTC, it is required that we identify what a “typical” result is.  The truth: most people never do anything with the products they buy, so most of the time, their typical results are zero.  The biggest factor is you.  Don’t do drugs; stay in school.  There is no such thing as a Silver Bullet.  I bet this disclaimer would make a good rap song

Typical results are ZERO.  Wow.  Of course, the person who is about to type in their credit card information is thinking, “that’s not me.  I’ll do this.  I’m not like ‘those other people.’   Really?

I’ve read that over 40% of books purchased never get read, and that rate rises to 75% for books downloaded from the Internet.   29% of patients prescribed antibiotics fail to complete the full course of treatment, often because they forget.  Personal trainers report that as many as 25% of appointments are no-shows — even when they’ve already paid for the session!

Fact is, we are creatures of habit, even when our habits hurt us and we desperately want to change them.  We truly WANT to exercise more, improve our minds, get well, and manage time better.  But unless we pay attention to what we are doing EVERY DAY, our new commitment slowly sinks into the muck of routine.

Make no mistake about it: if you want to change something in your life, you must be persistent.  It takes a minimum of 100 repetitions for a new behavior to start feeling ‘normal.’

So … If you want to change your attitude, your fitness level, your time management, your mood, or any other aspect of you, be aware of your human tendency to drift back to old ways.  Build in to your process some accountability checks — electronic reminders in your datebook, post-it notes on your bathroom mirror, working with a partner, having a friend check in with you, etc.  (shameless commerce division: or hire a coach!)

If you PLAN for regression, and build something into your change process to get you back on track, you’re far more likely to make a lasting change.

As the disclaimer above reads, “The biggest factor is you.”

Don’t be typical.

Do you want to stop struggling with self acceptance?

Last Sunday was Valentine’s Day, when we turn our thoughts to the important Others in our life, the people we love. Clearly, it’s important to acknowledge the loves in your life, but… what about you?

I coach many different people, yet see a very common human concern show up often: a struggle with self-acceptance and self-love.

We know ourselves better than anyone in the world… and darn it if we don’t notice every single wart and flaw and imperfection. I find it almost universally true that there’s no one who can beat you up quite as thoroughly as…You.

I’d love to see a holiday that’s about self-acceptance and self-appreciation. Until that day comes, I offer the following to help you practice some powerful self-love.

Eleven Tips for Loving You

1. Identify, Acknowledge, and Appreciate Your Strengths & Gifts. WRITE DOWN a list of your positive attributes. What do you do well? What do others compliment you for? Are you thoughtful? Creative? Always there to help? A good cook? Analytical? Playful? Detail-focused? Flexible? A great planner? Putting it on paper makes it more real. Review that list on a regular basis to appreciate all that you are and all that you offer.
2. Embrace Your Imperfection. Love your quirks. Let yourself laugh at your mistakes–they are part of your continual learning. Remember that you are a Human Being, and as such you are always a work in process. Frankly, if you were Perfect you’d be boring.
3. Be a Good Steward of You. Take care of what you’ve been entrusted. Put good food into your body, and move it regularly to keep it healthy. Feed your mind to keep it sharp. Seek out and associate with positive people to help your emotional self grow and expand. Seek to maximize what you have.
4. Treat You As Well As You Treat Others. Would you ever speak like that to your friend, child, etc. Why say that stuff to yourself? Notice and shift your self-talk to provide a good balance of compliments (you rock!) with critical (need to work on that!).
5. Connect to Community. We are most human when we are in relationships with others. List all your connections: friends, family, coworkers, church/temple, professional circles, neighbors, etc. Every day, reach out and have a conversation in which you connect to someone.
6. Feed Your Soul. We cannot manage time; we can only manage how we use it. Give priority each week to at least one activity that nurtures you and fills you up. If it’s alone time you need, figure out how to turn off your mobile devices or have someone else take the kids. If it’s connection time you need, make sure you leave space for some face-to-face time.
7. Forgive You. Ok, so you’ve screwed up some stuff. Accept it, figure out what you learned (it’s called Wisdom) and then…let it go. When you forgive you don’t forget, but you DO say, “I’m not going to keep living this over and over in my head.”
8. Give Yourself Permission… to love you. You are SO worthy of love. If you don’t believe me, then please re-read the fabulous, famous, and inspiring passage from Marianne Williamson, below.**
9. Let Other People Love You. For some people it is easier to give love and affection than to receive it. Notice when people are offering you respect, connection, and affection… and take a moment to just breathe it in and accept it graciously. When you let others love you, you are honoring both you and them.
10. Say It Out Loud. Stand in front of a mirror, and notice the beautiful person smiling back at you. Say, “I Love You,” out loud. Say, “You’re fantastic! You rock!” Note: if your self-love muscle is atrophied, you may have to move up to this gradually. If you need to, start with “I like you” and skip the mirror. Work your way up from there. Repeat daily until it feels natural, and notice how your world shifts.
11. Get Yourself a Coach. Any or all of the above will be much easier if you enlist someone to support you and provide encouragement–a friend, partner, or coworker (or even a professional coach!)

**“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It’s not just in some of us; it’s in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”

~ from A Return to Love, by Marianne Williamson

The 13 Principles of Happiness are all about Loving Yourself! Why not download & post a copy of the original 13 Principles on your workstation wall or your refrigerator?

Choose Happiness.  Love You.

Do You Keep Happiness “In Place?”

Six weeks ago our youngest son bought us a new chandelier — something that goes better with our remodeled great room.  When we took down the old chandelier, however, we decided it was still in superb condition.

So we polished it up, and hung it… in the master bedroom.

And ever since then, we’ve been getting the strangest reactions from people who have seen our room or heard that we hung a chandelier in such a place.

Very odd looks.  Statements like, “you did What?!”

Yes, we did something very unconventional with lighting.  And now we LOVE how much softer and fuller the lighting is in our bedroom.

But this experience has me thinking about how often I see people segment their life and put things in different places based on “how things are supposed to be.”  They hold a story that ‘this belongs here’ and ‘that belongs ONLY there.’  For example:

• Chandeliers should only be hung in a dining room or kitchen.
• White should not be worn after Labor Day (that was one of my mom’s rules)
• I’m not allowed to get angry on the job
• Real men don’t cry (or wear pink)
• Happiness is only for weekends
• There’s no place for joy in the workplace
• Less desirable emotions (like fear, sadness, anxiety) must be stuffed down
• We can only use Grandma’s china for special family occasions
• Talking about death or aging will cause those things, so they can’t ever be discussed
• Happiness is not important enough to take up space on meeting agendas

When you look at that list you might think, ‘I don’t hold any of those beliefs!’  Perhaps true, but everybody has their stories about what’s proper and what’s not, and what can be talked about & where.

I’m not saying any of those ’stories’ are right or wrong or good or bad… just that they are stories.  Recognize you made them up; and you can make new stories when the old ones no longer work.

My wife and I challenged the story about chandeliers, and made a new one that worked better for us.  I wear pink after years of thinking it was ‘not right.’  and of course I believe that there is absolutely a place for happiness at work!

What stories do YOU hold about What goes Where?  And which stories do you want to rewrite?

39 Rules for a Good Life

I received this in email at the beginning of the year &  loved it.  But I was overwhelmed with other stuff at the time, so I set it aside.  Pulled out the article today and I STILL love it (unable to find an author attribution).  It’s called Handbook 2010, but it’s more like Rules for a Good Life.

HANDBOOK 2010

Health:
1. Drink plenty of water.
2. Eat breakfast like a king, lunch like a prince and dinner like a beggar.
3. Eat more foods that grow on plants and eat less food that is manufactured in plants.
4. Live with the 3 E’s — Energy, Enthusiasm and Empathy
5. Make time to pray.
6. Play more games
7. Read more books than you did last year.
8. Sit in silence for at least 10 minutes each day
9. Sleep for 7 hours.
10. Take a 10-30 minute walk daily. And while you walk, smile.

Personality:
11. Don’t compare your life to others. You have no idea what their journey is all about.
12. Don’t have negative thoughts or things you cannot control. Instead invest your energy in the positive present moment.
13. Don’t over do. Keep your limits.
14. Don’t take yourself so seriously. No one else does.
15. Don’t waste your precious energy on gossip.
16. Dream more while you are awake
17. Envy is a waste of time. You already have all you need.
18. Forget issues of the past. Don’t remind your partner with His/her mistakes of the past. That will ruin your present happiness.
19. Life is too short to waste time hating anyone. Don’t hate others.
20. Make peace with your past so it won’t spoil the present.
21. No one is in charge of your happiness except you.
22. Realize that life is a school and you are here to learn. Problems are simply part of the curriculum that appear and fade away like algebra class but the lessons you learn will last a lifetime.
23. Smile and laugh more.
24. You don’t have to win every argument. Agree to disagree…

Society:
25. Call your family often.
26. Each day give something good to others.
27. Forgive everyone for everything..
28. Spend time w/ people over the age of 70 & under the age of 6.
29. Try to make at least three people smile each day.
30. What other people think of you is none of your business.
31. Your job won’t take care of you when you are sick. Your friends will. Stay in touch.

Life:
32. Do the right thing!
33. Get rid of anything that isn’t useful, beautiful or joyful.
34. Time heals everything.
35. However good or bad a situation is, it will change..
36. No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up.
37. The best is yet to come.
38. When you awake alive in the morning, thank your God for it.
39. Your Innermost is always happy. So, be happy.

Be Happy.  Don’t ya just love it?!