Remove Barriers to Happiness at Work

A good friend is currently tied up in knots about her workplace culture. The company owner rarely shows up to provide guidance, yet resists giving others the power to put rules and policies into place. So the workplace is chaotic, morale is falling, and my friend is debating whether she will continue to work at a company where she feels like she cares more than the owner does.

Sound familiar? We all know what the Survey Says: while money is an important factor, the MAIN motivators that keep people engaged relate to the opportunity to learn, grow, and do their best work. When working conditions get in the way of our ability to contribute, we get frustrated. My friend claims she could get twice as much done if she could get everyone following a similar process, and she’s not asking for more money to do that – she just wants her boss to ELIMINATE the hassles.

Fact is, the owner of her company could continue to be absentee if he’d show up just long enough to declare an end to some confusing processes. And that’s what most people want from their boss: “Tell me what to do, give me the resources I need, and then get out of my way!”

So as Spring fever kicks in, consider taking some time at your next team meeting to ask, “what’s getting in the way of your doing your best work?” Take notes. Ask the team to prioritize. You won’t be able to address all the barriers, but each one you eliminate will reduce frustration and allow people to use more of their capacity to make progress versus fix problems.

Yes, I’m talking to YOU

By the way… you don’t have to be the one in charge to be a leader in this regard. Sometimes the Boss is simply unaware. So please don’t assume that s/he knows of your misery and is ignoring it. Speak up. Declare that there is an Elephant in the Room, and then request help. Often that’s all it takes to get a conversation going that results in a new process, better access to resources, or clarified expectations.

And once frustration goes down, happiness has a better chance of showing up.

Remember: Leadership is not about a title. Anyone can be a leader who helps to remove barriers that prevent people from being and doing their best.

It’s Time for Spring Cleaning!

Ah, Spring!  The days are longer.  The sun shines brighter.

Oh, and as it shines in and brightens my home, I’m suddenly aware of a winter’s worth of dirt on the windows, dark paths on the carpeting from tracked-in winter slush, and cobwebs in the dim recesses that were invisible in the grey light of winter.

Hey, it’s time for Spring Cleaning.  Let’s bring in some fresh air and bright sunshine while we get rid of the crud that’s accumulated over the past year.

Here are some ideas to clean up your physical and emotional houses this month.

Spring Cleaning Tips

Wash the Windows. Windows don’t get dirty overnight.  But over months and years the drips and streaks build up a little at a time until even a sunny day looks drab and colorless.  So it is with our emotional lives.  We build up judgments and beliefs ever so slowly, and then one day we wake up and think, “When did the world turn so negative?”  To reveal what is truly happening in the world, we need to occasionally clear the film we’ve allowed to accumulate.

So in your house, use your favorite window cleaner and a dry rag.  In your head and heart try scraping away a few assessments that are no longer serving you.  Wipe away any opinion you hold that includes NEVER or ALWAYS, conditions that cloud judgment.  For example, is your sister/neighbor/coworker/boss ALWAYS that way, or is it that your “filters” only let through the evidence that supports your expectation?  Clean windows let you see what’s really happening and give you a brighter experience.

Clear the Cobwebs. Spiders weave their webs and then move on to new locations.  A dust mop or a rag on a stick will clear away the dusty old webs that got left behind.

Old stories are the cobwebs of the mind.  What’s gathering dust in your head?  Do you hear, “I can’t …” or “I don’t deserve…” or “I’m not good enough” or “I’m unlovable.” If the story ain’t workin’ for you, try poking it with a stick and then spin a new story in its place, like, “I’m enough,” “I can…,” and “I deserve to be happy!”

Shampoo the Rug, Move Some Furniture. Rug trails come from people walking the same path over and again.  In a similar way, things you do over and again form deep neural pathways until they become what we call Habits.

To unmark the path, clean the carpet.  Then rearrange one or two pieces of furniture to shift traffic patterns to a new location (this really works!)

To create new Habits, follow a similar process.  First, observe your old pattern of reaction.  What one small shift will support a new or modified habit?  For example, if you can’t seem to get to the gym after work, consider shifting bedtime and then get up earlier to fit in your fitness before work.  Repeat the new pattern until you form new pathways that work better for you.

Change the Air. One of my favorite ways to refresh the house is to open all the windows and turn the furnace to Fan mode.  In a couple hours the air is completely turned over and all the accumulated odors of winter have disappeared.

Fresh air is a great tool to improve your mood, as well.  Try this simple exercise from the yoga world:  Sit quietly.  Using the thumb of your right hand, gently press your right nostril closed and take a long, slow breath in through your left nostril.  Now shift your hand and, using the pinkie finger on your right hand, press your left nostril closed while you exhale long and slow through your right nostril.  Repeat this for ten breaths.  I promise that whatever you were concerned about when you started will have fallen away, as you experience a moment of stillness and calm.

Toss Out the Junk. Your surroundings affect you emotionally – cramped spaces evoke emotions that restrict, such as frustration, sadness, and despair.  Creating a simpler, less cluttered environment opens up space where calm, happiness, and optimism thrive.

You need not overhaul your entire home to enjoy the benefits of decluttering – just pick one physical space that causes you to feel restricted when you go there.  Maybe it’s your desktop, the front seat of your car, or your kitchen counter; tackle only what you can complete in an hour.  Remove everything that does not belong there permanently and forever and either toss it, give it away, or store it where it belongs.  Polish up what’s left.  Ahhhh!

Change Your Wardrobe. As seasons shift we typically rotate the seasonal clothing, right?  In spring, sweaters and turtlenecks give way to shorts and t-shirts.  As you rotate clothing, take a second with each item to ask three questions: Did I wear it in the past year?  Does it make me feel beautiful/handsome?  Does it support the Image I want for myself in the world? If the answer to any of these is NO, it’s time to go.  (exception: you can keep one set of rags for painting and digging in the mud.  But just one!).

Now check out your emotional closet.  For each person in your life ask these three questions: Has this relationship supported me in the past year?  When I’m with them, do I feel good about myself?  Does this person inspire me? If the answer to any of these is NO, consider where you can reduce time spent with those who drag you down and spend more time with those who pull you up.  Remember, research proves that the people you hang out with affect your Happiness!

Enjoy Your New Clean Space. Whatever you do – or don’t do – in the way of Spring Cleaning, please don’t forget to enjoy the beauty of the season and of what you’ve created.

Join a good friend for coffee and sit in the sunshine while you chat.  Take in the bright view through your “windows” that are clean of judgments.  Sit quietly in the simplicity of your decluttered space. Pause to breathe in the heady scent of hyacinths in bloom.  Close your eyes and listen to a spring rain (and breathe it in, too!). Applaud your progress as you create a new habit.  Marvel at a hillside of daffodils on the roadside.

Most of all, pay attention to the thousand shades of spring green, and remember that hope and happiness come in a thousand flavors.  All you need is one.

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Happiness Principle # 8 reminds us that when we shift our environment, change becomes easier because we get pulled forward rather than always having to push.  For more ideas on living a happier life, why not post a copy of the original 13 Principles on your workstation wall or on your refrigerator?  You can download a 1-page summary here.   Choose Happiness.

There are Reasons for Optimism

I keep a running list of my favorite inspirational thoughts for use when I need a little lift.  This one just jumped out at me today — a great reminder that whatever I/we might be struggling with today, it’s all temporary.

I subscribe to (and HIGHLY recommend) the daily Note From the Universe from www.tut.com (TUT stands for Totally Unique Thoughts.  They are always unique, always inspirational and, oddly enough, always exactly what I need to hear that day.

I received this message a few weeks ago:

Did you know, Jim, that in your gorgeous little planet’s entire history, there’s never been a drought that didn’t end? A storm that didn’t clear? Lightning that didn’t retreat? An earthquake that didn’t still? A flood that didn’t recede? Or a plague that wasn’t, eventually, overwhelmed by the healthy?

Whatever it is, it will pass.  The Universe

Is that not a great reminder to hold fiercely to Optimism?   Go, Universe!

Before Happiness, There is Adversity

I have seen no green in my yard since the snows started in the third week of December.  As the ENORMOUS piles are now melting away, spring is popping up all over.  This little montage captures some of what is emerging in my yard — notice how in two of the shots you can see the retreating edge of the snow pile just inches behind the crocuses.

I am, as usual, in awe of how much has been going on BELOW the snow.  Life just can’t be suppressed.  On one side of my house the snow piles were over three feet high, and certainly very heavy.  Yet the daffodils emerging from the snow bank are over six inches high already.  Daffodils are so determined.

I actually feel badly for those who live in climates without a Spring season.  Spring is nature’s time to remind us that just because something LOOKS dead and frozen does not mean that it is over.  Trees bud.  Grass renews.

And spring bulbs are absolutely my favorite plant.  You see, they CANNOT flower without first experiencing the cold of winter.  It is the adversity that allows them to become who they are.  And so we cannot experience a glorious Spring without first passing through the brutal winter.

Human Beings are the same, you know.

Happiness does not, and cannot, exist in a space by itself.  Happiness cannot exist without Sadness.  Contentment has no value if there is not first Disappointment or Anxiety.  Hope takes its sweetness from the experience of Despair and Resignation.  If not for the dark times in our lives, we could not appreciate the good times as deeply as we do.

And that is also HOW we human beings are able to endure even the darkest times, like illness, job loss, accident, & death of a loved one — because we believe that someday we will once again be able to experience the positive side of life that comes after the “snow” retreats from our life or the “rains” stop falling.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Today, it is sunny outside, and I will enjoy it.  AND soon the rains will start.  And I will endure the grey because I know it will wash away all the dirt and grime of winter and Spring will emerge in a rainbow of colors and a hundred shades of GREEN.

I can’t wait!

Do You Truly Value Happiness?

Sigh.  I just deleted from my mailbox YET ANOTHER newsletter that promised insights or wisdom about Happiness, yet turned out to be hawking STUFF.  I sometimes feel frustrated that so many marketers — on TV, in print, and on the Internet — hijack the concept of happiness.  Because that’s been happening so much, we’ve gotten to point as a society where we no longer value happiness for… itself.  Seems it always has to be attached to something — an outcome, a promotion, a product, or a ‘system.’

The other night I counted commercials across two hours of television, and nearly a third of them directly referenced happiness or being happy (products ranged from Wal-mart & cars to flowers & erectile dysfunction meds).  Even some of the teachers I’ve followed and learned from over the years seem to be abandoning the pursuit of happiness as noble, and are replacing that with a sales pitch.

Am I just naive?  Is it silly of me to believe that Happiness has value in and of itself?  Am I fooling myself into believing that people find value in learning how to live a happier life if that “happier life” can’t be quantified with dollars or the accumulation of product?  Should I give up my quest to provide people tools and practices for experiencing more happiness for it’s own sake?

No.  Because you know what?  On the other side of the marketing street stand many people who are strong enough to resist the message, and who have the wisdom to say, “I know more STUFF won’t make me happy.”   Those are the people to whom I speak.

And I hope that all of you who ‘get’ this message realize how important it is that you value Happiness for its own sake.  As long as SOME of us hold steadfastly to the belief that we can control our own happiness, there is hope for the world.

So, how about if we all take a deep breath together?  Pull your shoulders back and open up your heart, breathe into your deep belly, and say, “I am enough, for now.  I have enough.  I am content.”

Give yourself permission to be happy, for a moment, with just what you have.  And notice how rich you feel!

Practice Does Not Mean Perfect

I practice yoga.

I have to continually remind myself of that notion.  I PRACTICE yoga.  I continually strive to be better at it.  But sometimes, I forget about the “Practice” part, and I try too hard to be Perfect…which is how I’ve ended up with two yoga injuries six months apart.

How can something that is GOOD for me turn ugly?  Well, let me tell you, it ain’t easy.

My Yoga Story

My interest in yoga began eight years ago when my daughter, home on break, asked me to go with her to a Beginners Workshop on the other side of town.  I went, I got hooked.  Over time I have progressed from doing a few poses (or asanas) purely for the stretch value to now practicing intermediate yoga asanas to calm my mind, practice my breathing, and strengthen my ability to be fully present.

The whole point of yoga (which translates as “union”) is to help one connect body, mind, heart, and soul; and to accept and work with one’s limitations.  It is about acceptance.

Oh, and did I mention that when you practice yoga regularly it tones muscles, improves balance, dramatically increases core strength, and FEELS fabulous?  Yes, and that is where I get in trouble.

I REALLY like that physically fit thing.  So, when I do a downward dog, I REALLY do a down dog.  And the leg stretch in Warrior poses?  I have to stretch to the max, and do a PERFECT pose, like the guys in the pictures in Yoga Journal.  Which is how I injured my hips doing yoga last year… and why I now have shoulder problems.

Yes, I over-yoga’d.    Sigh.

Do you REALLY need to be Perfect?

Have you ever done something like that?  Gotten yourself so wrapped up in something you do that you just have to be PERFECT?  Hey, don’t deny it, you have.  It may not have been yoga.  Maybe it was soccer.  Or being the perfect spouse.  Or perfect parent.  or completing the P90X program – twice.  Or gardening to excess.  Or obssessing about fat/sugar/salt in your diet.  Or getting all As in school.  Or playing World of Warcraft.  Or being PERFECTLY Happy?

It’s not about the physical part, it’s about the conversation of needing/wanting to be perfect, to do it right, to follow it all the way to the end.

Be Perfect ABOUT your Practice

Exercising my body, in the end, is not about being perfect — it is about being fully present to the process what’s going on with me.  Being present means that I cannot come onto the yoga mat with an “agenda.” It can actually harm me to be too “determined,” about always getting it “right.” A better approach, I am reminded by one of my teachers, is to approach my yoga practice with equal parts patience and persistence, and to say, “I will do the best that I can, with what I have, today.”

And that is such a lovely approach to… well, just about everything: sports, school, parenting, marriage, diet, video games, and even happiness.  You’ll simply never get it perfect every time, but you CAN be perfect in your practice, always learning, always getting back up and trying again when you fall.

So, as I nurse my inflamed shoulder back to health, I have learned how to modify my down dog so I’m no longer hyperextending my shoulder.  I’m kinder to my hips when I stretch.  And I don’t expect myself to be happy ALL the time.

But I keep practicing!

Let Music Shift Your Mood

I didn’t feel very well (physically) over the weekend, and slept really poorly. I woke up Monday morning with the alarm, feeling VERY sleep deprived and nauseous. I made the decision to take care of me, and slept in until 8:30. FINALLY caught up on sleep. Showed up at the gym at time I’m usually leaving, and still gave myself an hour, including a great yoga workout. Ahhh!

So, I arrived at my desk starting to feel rested and human again, but… but then realized that my self-care had put me several hours behind on my plans for the day. As I started to dig into my goals for the day, I felt my mood slipping into darkness.

“Wait a minute! I thought. “what about all that crap you spout about ‘choosing your attitude,’ Jim?!” Hmm. Just thinking about it was not enough, however. I needed something more than sheer force of will to help me shift my mood.

So I opened up iTunes, clicked on my High Energy playlist, and chose Randomize. The first three songs to pop up:

Susan Boyle singing I Dreamed a Dream. Not a bad start. I felt inspired.

Next up was Adam Lambert’s wickedly delicious I’m Here For Your Entertainment. For all the controversy over his TV appearance, this is a fabulously upbeat song with a great beat. And I’ve found that if you let go of finding sexual overtones in the words, it can also be a great song about coaching, as in the refrain:

No escaping when I start
Once I’m in I own your heart
There’s no way to ring the alarm
So hold on until it’s over
Oh!
Do you know what you got into
Can you handle what I’m ’bout to do
‘Cause it’s about to get rough for you
I’m here For Your Entertainment
Oh!
I bet you thought that I was soft and sweet
You thought an angel swept you off your feet
But I’m about to turn up the heat
I’m here For Your Entertainment

Can you see the coaching link? Well, maybe not the entertainment part so much, but more the ‘hold on’ and ‘it’s about to get rough for you.’  I tell clients up front that there will be moments of discomfort. And it is a coach’s job is to turn up the heat sometimes, yes?! <grin>

Then up came Brian Eno & John Cale singing Spinning Away, that lovely upbeat tune that I downloaded on the recommendation of a friend (at this point that I felt gratitude).  That was it. I simply HAD to get up and dance around my office!

Then, best of all, the Andrews Sisters’ high-flyin’ rendition of Boogie Woogie Bugle Boy. Woohoo! When I hear this song, my feet actually move themselves!

Mood shift accomplished. Here’s to the power of music.

Next time you’re stuck in a mood that’s not working for you, try listening to some music that you love… and notice what happens!