Second, Be the Real You

Gifts for the New Year: Be the Real You

Notice all the places in your life where you feel distracted and stressed by how you’re behaving. Happiness Principle #13, Be Authentic, reminds that when you stop trying to “play a role” to fit what you think other people expect of you, you give yourself the space to truly shine based on your real gifts and strengths.

One of my executive clients began a new job in the middle of 2010, but then spent much of the third quarter trying to figure out “what the heck happened” to the happy, joyful person she used to be. She went on holiday the week of Thanksgiving and, after relaxing with friends and family, she started to recover herself.  And then the best part happened.

She spent a week+ in Sierra Leone on the horn of Africa, coordinating an enormous charity initiative for her organization. She lived in primitive surroundings, sleeping in 100F degree heat and 99% humidity.  She had facilities to put on her “usual mask” so she spent her days sans makeup, hair curling in the humidity, and on some days without even a shower.

And when she called me just hours after arriving home, she described herself as “Happier than I can remember feeling in a long time.” The ten days of “deprivation” had helped her get back in touch with that happy, joyful person she really is behind the “serious senior executive role” she’s been trying to play.

So as you continue to prepare for a great 2011, here is today’s reminder: Don’t waste any more time trying to be something or someone that you’re not. Every bit of energy you direct toward diminishing who you REALLY are is energy wasted.  Instead, seek ways to bring your strengths and your talents to work and remember that they hired you to play the part of….YOU!  Unless you’re an actor hired to play a role, don’t even try.  Just be the Real You.

Show up, make mistakes, and be glorious!

Next week:  Practice Optimism

First, Believe in Happiness

Gifts for the New Year:  First, Believe in Happiness

At my coaching group’s annual holiday gathering, we exchange used, gift-wrapped books. When a book is opened, the person who brought it stands up to tell the story of how that book impacted impacted them, and why they chose to share it.  One woman’s personal story really touched my heart:

“My entire life,” she began “I thought happiness was a fantasy.  All my friends kept telling me things like how our country is based on the right to happiness, but I just pointed out that only meant we could pursue it, not have it.  I went through my life convinced it could never be something I’d have.  Then one day a few months ago I was in a bookstore, and for some reason I picked up this audio book because the title spoke to me. [jim’s note: the book is Become Totally Positive Auto-Matically (While-U-Drive)]

I listened to it for a few days, and after it was done I realized, ‘you know what?  I actually feel happier.’ And for the first time I believed that maybe it really IS possible to feel happiness!”

She went on to say how much her life shifted since she started believing that Happiness existed AND  that it was available to her. She came up to me after the meeting to speak some more (she said that my title, The Executive Happiness Coach, sort of jumped out at her!).  She shared that many people in her family suffer from depression.  She, herself, has never been diagnosed with depression but because she grew up in a family where happiness was always considered an “Impossible” goal, that’s what she believed.

Happiness was, for her, as unreal as Santa Claus.  Now that she believes in Happiness, she has more energy and enthusiasm for life.  And hope — for a happier future.

So if you want to have a great year in 2011, my dear readers, start by believing that Happiness IS possible for you. (you’re far more likely to get there if you think it’s real!).

Over the next week I’ll share three more Gifts to help you start 2011 on the right foot.

You won’t be good at what you don’t do

You would probably not expect yourself to place well in a swimming race if you only got into the pool once every six months. And if you need to generate custom reports from the accounting software, you’ll probably seek training and experience so you can increase your comfort with the programming parameters.

When you engage in ANYTHING on a frequent basis, you become better and better at it, and it becomes easier.  This statement applies whether we’re speaking about a physical skill (like running or ice skating), an intellectual skill (like learning a language or mastering a new software), or an emotional skill (like providing feedback, or sharing feelings in a situation).

You know this is true. So why, if you want to become better at dealing with conflicts and other uncomfortable people situations, do you actively avoid the practice?

“Difficult conversations” come under the third category, emotional skills.  Difficult conversations are usually only difficult because you don’t have them as often, so your skill sets are not as well developed.  Yet if you engage with more frequency in conversations about small concerns (like an unclear email or a small mistake made or a single chore not performed), you will find that your comfort level and skill level both increase, and eventually the “difficult conversations” become easy.

Stop telling me you’re uncomfortable. Do it. Try it. Practice it. work through your mistakes and “sore muscles.” Then come back and tell me about your performance.

You won’t be good at what you don’t do.

What’s Your Favorite Christmas FOOD Memory?

One of my favorite websites just ran a “Christmas Food Memory” contest and –Woohoo! — I received an honorable mention for my entry. It’s about dark chocolate, of course.  I thought I’d share with you & ask about YOUR favorite holiday food memory.

Here’s my story:

It was the fudge. Oh, god, how I waited for Christmas each year, because my mom only made her two specialties then: cinnamon shortbread cookies and her famous fudge. My mom’s fudge was deeply, darkly chocolatey, and she tossed in a tiny bit of crushed candy canes for a teensy bit of peppermint. Once the fudge was set, she cut it into little one-inch squares, so one pan yielded hundreds!

Here’s how I ate that fudge (and I still eat it this way today): open mouth, insert one piece. Close mouth. Do not chew… just let it dissolve. Ooh, feel the buttery, chocolatey, slightly granularness of it on your tongue. Mash it up against the roof of your mouth with your tongue. Feel the chocolate juices running out of it. Patience…. do not chew. Feel the silky softness, and then the tiny shards of peppermint that touch the tongue as the fudge dissolves. Close your eyes and swim around in the darkness of it. Mmmm. Patience… wait for it…. and when there is nothing left but the peppermint with just a little pool of fudginess… it’s OK to chew up the rest.

You know, once I grew up and started cooking for myself, I learned that the Dark Chocolate Peppermint Fudge was the simplest thing in the world to make. Still, it’s never tasted as good as when I was a kid and it was a mystery. Merry Christmas!

If your mouth is watering, you can get the recipe here — including specific instructions on the proper method and accompaniments for eating great dark chocolate fudge!

And now, the question:  What’s YOUR favorite Christmas/Holiday food memory?  Please share in the comments

P.S.  If you’d like to see the rest of the winning Food Memories, visit Shelley’s blog.

Shelley at One Roast Vegetable is a Canadian entrepreneur I began following several years ago when she ran her kitchen out of Montreal, Quebec.  Then a couple years ago she and her hubby followed their dreams and moved to Paris, one of the world’s food capitals.  From her tiny French kitchen she video blogs and runs a membership site, along with a charitable wing that regularly bakes Banana Bread for the homeless!

Bon Appetit, and enjoy the happy fudgieness!