Never Underestimate the Power of Kindness

I received a phone call from a friend who just landed a job.  That news, by itself, was cause for celebration!

But the real reason for his call surprised me.

He’d come up to me at church one week and asked if he could meet me for coffee sometime — his treat.  (I’ll meet with most anyone who offers me free coffee, so I said Yes).

He’d been in an executive role, was now unemployed, and his search dragged on with little hope.  He was toying with the idea of doing some consulting, as an alternative to a traditional job.  I remember that during our meeting I listened and helped him brainstorm a bit.  I probably suggested a few contacts and strategies, but I must confess that the meeting was not very memorable for me.

Over the next few months I ran into him at several professional networking events, including some that I’d suggested to him.  I rejoiced with him when he landed a consulting gig.  Every so often he gifted me with a small package of some new, exotic coffee bean he’d come across — which I attributed to our shared love of fresh-ground dark-roasted coffee.

When he called today, I felt positively overwhelmed by the strength of his gratitude for my help. Apparently, that initial conversation last year helped to pull him out of a deep funk into which he’d descended.

His call reminded me of the power of Kindness — in this case, saying yes to a meeting and providing moral support and a listening ear.

It also reminded me that we don’t always recognize when we are doing something meaningful for another person. Sometimes just offering a smile or a listening ear to someone who’s having a bad day feels so easy” yet has a huge impact.  Perhaps the best strategy is to show up, always, with respect and a willingness to be of service.

And in case no one’s told you this today — I appreciate you!

When a Coach Can Help

Today’s guest blogger is Marcia Yudkin**, one of my Marketing Mentors.

When we drive, most of us know when we’ve reached our destination as planned or realize that we’re lost. We don’t need a driving expert to tell us we’re holding the steering wheel wrongly, heading north to go east or annoying others on the road.

Business is much more complicated. Destinations are no longer clearly marked.  We can be lost without realizing it or think we’re lost yet actually be moving ahead nicely.

Without a clue, we might be going around in circles, about to run out of gas where we can’t refuel.

An experienced business expert – consultant, coach or mentor - has observed people like you, knows common and uncommon signs of trouble, understands subtle relationships between cause and effect, and can tune into what you know but don’t realize that you know.

When does it make sense to ask for help from a coach?

• When you are floundering, feeling confused or stuck in a pattern that feels wrong.
• When you can’t see why you’re not getting the results you’re aiming for.
• When you’re humming along and your inner voice wonders about your direction, methods or progress

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~~*~*~

One of the most common questions I get when I speak about coaching is this:

Why would I need a coach to help me do something I can do on my own?

My response:  If you can do it yourself, then why isn’t it already done?

Think about it! And have a great day.  Jim

**the first part of this post is from The Marketing Minute, by Marcia Yudkin, Marketing Expert and Mentor.  I read her weekly Marketing Minute newsletter and get a nugget of wisdom just about every week!  You can subscribe at http://www.yudkin.com/markmin.htm

Tell Your Team that You Love Them!

THE GIFT OF GREAT EMPLOYEES

Recently, one of my clients was stunned by the resignation of a star employee – a woman he’d been developing for an executive role, possibly even as his successor.  He told me he was meeting with her in a few hours to discuss what he might do to keep her.  Then he shared, “I’m going to let her know that she was being groomed for a top leadership spot.”

“You mean to say,” I asked, “that you’d never told her she was on your high-potential list?” Apparently that discussion had never taken place.

This is not the first time, nor will it be the last, that I climb onto a soapbox and repeat this message: Tell your people – ESPECIALLY your best talent – how much you love them!

Do you remember how much time and attention you lavished on your best and brightest hires when they came on board? How you carved out time to meet with them during orientation, and rearranged your schedule to spend time in training and nurturing the relationship up front?  And then what?  If you’re like many managers, you got busy let your relationship with them shift to low-grade maintenance.

In other words, there was a point when you started to take them for granted. Big mistake.  While the economy may still suffer in many ways, the reality is that most talented people still have lots of options.

Practice Annual Re-Recruitment

Years ago I learned of the process called “Annual Re-recruitment” — and I share it again in the hope that you might avoid having to engage one of your top high-potential people in the conversation of, “what can you do to keep you?” after they’ve already given notice.

Annual Re-recruitment is stunningly simple.  All you need do is identify the top 15-25% of your people and sit down with each of them for a few-minute conversation**, in which you say, “I’m so glad you are here.  I value your talent and your contribution, and I hope we are letting you know that often enough.  I want you to be with us one year from now.  What will it take for that to be true?” Your own words may differ, but hopefully you get the idea.

Don’t assume people know you value them, unless you tell them directly and often!

Remember: Leadership is not about a title.  Anyone can be a leader who seeks to build enduring relationships with good people, and who makes it a priority to deliver positive feedback and give people the opportunity to learn and grow.

**And don’t even think about saying, “Jim, I don’t have the time.”  Because then I’m going to ask you, “Oh, but you DO have the time to update the job description, interview multiple replacement candidates, set aside time for onboarding, and then repeat the training process all over again?”  Nuh, uh.  If you don’t have the time to spend nurturing relationships with your best people, then something is awry, and to figure out what, just look in a mirror.  If you call yourself a leader, then behave like one!

The Questions We Ask Shape Our Life

The best questions are open, invite exploration, and inspire a positive, appreciative perspective of a situation. They help us tap into our wisdom, expand our understanding and, best of all, place us in the emotion of Curiosity.  Whether you are working on a plan, facilitating a meeting, coaching an associate or client, or supporting a friend, good questions will facilitate a better conversation.

Below I share some of my favorite provocative, positive questions to help you explore the year ahead. Pick just one or several, and make space in your life to sit with the question(s) for awhile.  I promise that a written response to ANY of these will shift you to a different space for 2011.

Awesome Questions to Consider for 2011

Questions to answer one time

• What do I value?
• What do I want to learn this year?
• What promises will I make to myself?
• What does my “wise self” say to start doing a bit more of each day?
• What am I aware of, right now?
• What do I want, right now?
• How do I stop myself from having that, right now?
• Why is that important to me?  (ask this five times, e.g. “and why is THAT important… etc)
• What is missing for me, that I will take care of this year?
• What do I already know, that I’m not using?
• What assumptions am I making about this situation (or person)?
• and What would happen if I dropped those assumptions?
• What must I be doing more often to be comfortable that I am growing?
• Where might I ask for help/support?
• What is missing for me?
• and the companion, What will I do about that in the next year?
• What is a small step I could take – to which I could commit 100%?

Questions to answer 100 times

(write one of these at the top of a page, and keep writing till you’ve answered it at least 100 times.  Prepare to be surprised at what you learn when you get past the predictable and really start pushing yourself!)

• Who am I?
• What do I do?
• What do I offer the world?
• What brings me Joy?
• What makes me laugh?
• What am I putting up with in my work or life (that I’m no longer willing to tolerate)?
• What do I believe to be true?
• What is my passion?
• What am I grateful for? (What are the blessings in my life?)
• What have I accomplished in my life?
• and the flip side, What will I accomplish in my life?

10-Year Questions

(these you can revisit over and again and the answers will continue to shift)

• What do I want to be in the world?
• What sort of leader am I becoming?  (or parent, or person, or…)
• What is my invitation to others?
• Now that <this> has happened, what else is possible for me?
• What will I die for in order to keep alive the things that matter?

What is YOUR most awesome question, the question that really rocks your world and makes you think?  Click here to send me your favorite.

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The 13 Principles of Happiness are really about asking yourself a series of questions, like, “How am I living my Values?”  “How might I build my Reserves?” and “To What am I Paying Attention?”  Visit http://www.theexecutivehappinesscoach.com/happiness/philosophies.cfm, to download a colorful 1-page PDF Poster.  Post it on your workplace wall or your fridge at home, and use it to coach yourself and others to Choose Happiness.

Fourth, Use Your Power to Choose the Weather

Gifts For the New Year: Use Your Power to Change the Weather

Here is your final Gift to help you prepare for a great 2011 — a reminder that you are more powerful than you know!

This year, don’t treat your emotions like the weather – something about which one speaks but does nothing at all to change. In other words, don’t assume that you have no control over your world.

One of the primary determinants of weather is the wind – the prevailing winds bring us hot or cold fronts, dry weather or precipitation.  Every change in weather is preceded by a shift in the winds.

In similar fashion, you can change your personal “weather” – or emotional state – by engaging the power of your personal wind: your Breath.  Breath high and shallow in your body and you can fall into depression or sadness.  Speed up your breath to bring on the stormy weather of anger or fear.  Or create a space of calm, predictable weather by pulling your breath deeply into your body and slowing it down.

And notice how, when you change your personal weather, it spreads quickly to others.

Third, Use Optimism to Create a Positive Future

Gifts for the New Year: Practice Optimism to Create a Positive Future

As Martin Seligman (the father of Positive Psychology) realized decades ago, we can train ourselves into any number of emotional states. He first noticed the phenomenon of Learned Helplessness in lab animals subjected to random reward/punishment activities over which they had no control.  When he replicated the experiments with humans he concluded that, if we can train people to feel helpless and hopeless, we can ALSO train them to feel empowered and optimistic.

You can train your Optimism “muscles” by working in several areas.  First, notice what you focus on in LANGUAGE. Do you spend more time talking about what failed and what you expect to go wrong tomorrow, or do you spend more time focused on what you feel grateful about and what you expect to go well in the future?  Keeping a gratitude journal or Joy List will help you retrain your brain to notice what’s right versus what’s wrong.

Then engage your BODY in the practice. Simple shifts can make a big difference.  For example, when you walk or stand, do you look down at the ground and your feet, or do you look up at the horizon and the sky?  It may feel strange at first, but try lifting your chin and looking ahead with a smile versus looking down and with a frown, and notice how your mood shifts.  (note: don’t do this if you’re walking outside on an icy day!)

As you plan for the new year, make time to list your POSITIVE expectations for 2011, and then practice showing up in confidence and with a smile. You won’t change how stressed other people are, but you’ll change how YOU feel.  Plus, emotions – like viruses – are contagious, so if you’ve practiced your optimism (or hope, or cheerfulness, or acceptance) you’ll show up in a stronger emotion, and you’ll infect others in a positive way — and what you send out comes back to you (I’m just sayin’…).

Next: Use your Power To Choose the Weather!