Spit out the poison of Resentment

Today, I received a note from a friend who, several years ago, suffered terribly because of the actions and incompetence of another person.  He said, “I could never forgive him,” but his wife is encouraging him to let it go and move on.

That’s what forgiveness is really about — moving on.  When you hold onto a past wrong and spend time in resentment, it keeps you anchored to the past suffering, re-living it in your mind over and over. It prevents or waters down your happiness, because it is always simmering.

Forgiveness is NOT about forgetting. You cannot forget, it happened, that other person did what they did.  But forgiveness is not about the other person — it is about YOU.  When you carry resentment about a past event, it is like taking the poison and hoping the other person dies. Resentment eats away at YOU, and has no impact on the other person.

The gift of Forgiveness is that it allows you to let go of the resentment and the hold that it has on you.   It is about saying something like, “It happened, it is past. I let go of the hold <that event> has on me — I declare that from this day forward, it will no longer weigh on me or cloud my experience of life. I declare myself free of it and of them.”

Spit out the poison of resentment — and take the antidote of forgiveness.

Are you prepared for the future that is coming?

20 years ago the focus was on “being effective;” taking effective action to achieve our goals, make money, have a big house, etc.  And so we pursued our goals at any cost, to be effective.  We exploited the planet, the systems, maximized profit in short term, etc.  Other people were resources to be exploited.

Today the focus must be on effective living. Corporations are starting to speak more often of the triple bottom line: Profit, Planet, and People — making money while ALSO caring for the environment and the people in the organization.

Leaders, you must pay attention, hold meaningful conversations, then act in appropriate ways:

• Awareness –  of what is going on in the world
• Assessment– what are the implications (for people, profit, and planet)?
• Alternatives– what is possible?  what the hell are you going to do about it?
• Action — comes out of awareness and the conversation.

To be ready for the future, you must PAY ATTENTION, and talk about the reality of what’s happening.  Have the tough conversations.  Shift your point of view.  Listen.  Then act.

There’s Happiness Under the Snow!

After nearly 8 weeks, our perpetual crust of snow and ice is finally melting.

As I walked the path to my office after lunch yesterday, I looked down and saw dozens of tiny crocus petals poking up thru the last thin crust of ice.  They are already an inch high.

They made me smile!

Lead With Questions

One of the oldest and most enduring leadership models in business today is Situational Leadership (SL), developed by Blanchard and Hersey several decades ago.  The SL model works with the stages of learning through which we all progress when we take on a new task.  The four stages (these are in my own words) are:

1. Clueless
2. Learner
3. Competent yet not Confident
4. Expert

The core lesson of SL is that people at different stages of learning need their leader to treat them according to their situation, or where they are on the learning journey. Someone brand new, who is Clueless, needs a manager to explain everything and provide specific instruction.  A manager who likes to direct and tell people what to do is quite effective for beginners.

Once an individual starts to learn a task, however, a good leader will gradually back off on Telling and shift to Asking questions as a primary tool for motivation. Learners need supportive questions like “What do you already understand?” or “Are you ready for the next step?”  The Competent-yet-not-Confident person needs a coach who will ask, “What do you think the best answer is?” or “What do you need from me?”  Finally, the Expert – who fully understands the task – needs little more than, “Can you take care of this?  Thanks.”

Why are questions such a powerful tool for leading? Because people are motivated in the workplace when they have the opportunity to learn, grow and contribute.  Questions allow people to be part of their own learning, to solve their own problems, and demonstrate their competence.  A manager who insists on telling people what to will destroy motivation and build an environment in which people stop caring — who needs to think if the manager Knows It All?

The best tool for leading is a good question asked at the right time. Leaders who Lead with Questions build positive workplace cultures that allow everyone to feel like they are part of the conversation and that their opinion counts.

Remember: Leadership is not about a title.  Anyone can be a leader who shows up in curiosity and seeks to bring out the best in others by challenging them with Powerful Questions.