Are you your own worst critic?

I was reminded by this 2 minute video of my own habit of undervaluing myself and my contributions. It’s a human thing — we all do it. Let this be a reminder that you — yes, YOU — have brilliance in you!

Obvious to you. Amazing to others. from Derek Sivers on Vimeo.

Summer Reading List

Jim Smith’s 12th Annual

Summer Reading List

Is now online!

It’s the first full day of summer… and aren’t you excited about the long, warm summer evenings ahead, where the evenings are long and breezy and you can sit on your porch with some cool lemonade and a good book?  (or in my case, iced coffee or dark beer, and my iPad!)

To help you focus on some great reads, I’m sharing my 12th annual compilation. (the past few years are there, too, if you want to catch up).  Read the books, or maybe just read the list, so you’ll know what other people are talking about!

Have you noticed how books, in just the past 12 months, have become almost quaint? Borders is closing stores right and left. Libraries are migrating to new platforms for sharing e-books. A gadzillion reading devices (Nook, Kindle, Kobe, iPad…) are in the hands of people who, until last summer, read ACTUAL BOOKS. And Amazon announced that e-books now officially outsell hard copy.

The fragmentation of readership is doing to bestseller lists what cable did to the networks. It’s tough to find a book that LOTS of people recommend, because there were a million new titles published last year, each with a readership of about 500 people. Yikes!

Since the world of reading’s gone all weird on us, I decided that this year is as good as any for changing the format of my Summer Reading List. This year I mix a bit of new with some classic old. Some titles come up year after year as new readers discover great works from past years, so I dug into my archives for the best of the past 11 years. Then I added in a few new entries, and I offer the list for your consideration.

To view the list, click on the icon above or on this URL:

http://www.theexecutivehappinesscoach.com/resources/2011_Books.cfm

Happy Summer!

Exercises to Strengthen Your Emotional Muscles

Once you’re aware that you have the power to manage your own emotional state, how might you get better at it?  What comes with awareness and observation are more sophisticated/purposeful skills.

I offer the following simple exercises, each focused on a strengthening a different dimension of Emotional Intelligence.

SELF AWARENESS

• Watch Your Emotions: For 2-3 weeks, diary your emotions. After every interaction, take 1 min to give that interaction a “score” (e.g. thumbs up, down, neutral, or a number 1-10) on effectiveness, then name the top 1,2,or3 emotions you felt during that interaction.  (over time, you will notice patterns — which emotions you spend more time in, trigger situations, etc).  Awareness is crucial to deepening your emotional intelligence
• Practice centering. Stand Tall, breathe deeply, connect to the ground, and feel into your Confident body

SELF-MANAGEMENT

• Practice Deliberate Emotions: Identify one or two emotions OTHER than calm/confidence that you would like to inhabit more often. What is the body and breath and story/assessment that go with that emotion, for you? Practice moving yourself into that intentional emotional space once or twice each day.
• Practice Recovery (Note: play carefully, here!): Find a safe space, e.g. at home, or alone in office. with intention, shift into anger, irritation, or some other emotion that gives you trouble, usu by reliving an incident/story. Give yourself a couple minutes to hold that intensity (it helps to set a timer, first). Notice all the visceral signs of that emotion in your body, breath, pulse, thinking, etc. When timer goes off, practice releasing that intensity and moving yourself back to center/calm. (Strengthens your ability to return to calm/center under stress)

EMPATHY/Other Awareness

• Strengthen Awareness: While sitting in meetings, act as observer of each of the other players or at least the key players. Without any assessment as to right/wrong or good/bad, see if you can identify — from language, body language, tone, other visible physical signs — what mood or emotional space that person is in. Do this several times during a meeting, noticing changes. (Strengthens ability to read others).
• Advanced: same exercise, except apply to the overall GROUP mood/emotion. Which person(s) appear to be the stronger influences on that group mood? (P.S. we often do this without realizing we are doing it.  The focus here is on picking up the “mood of the room” with intention).
• Check Awareness: In conversation with others, try to identify/name the mood you are feeling from them. Check your assessment by asking, “You seem ______. Am I reading you correctly, in this moment?”  (Refines your emotional radar)

RELATIONSHIPS/INFLUENCE/Other Management

• Mirroring/Drawing: When in conversations with others, selectively try one of the following:

A) purposefully mirror the mood/emotion of the other, thru standard mirroring techniques, e.g. matching body posture, energy, speed of speech, etc. Notice what effect that has on the conversation, when you Match

B) do the opposite of A — purposefully choose a DIFFERENT space, and shift into that in your speech, energy, non-verbal language, tone, etc. Hold that space with intention. Notice what effect it has on the conversation when you Draw the other

(This pairing is a training exercise/practice for negotiation, e.g. sales conversations, any situations where you seek to influence someone else — a frequent focus for leaders — or where you are striving to hone your facilitation skills, which include being able to shift the emotional space when appropriate)

The Endless Smile Loop

This is how human beings work.  We infect others with our emotions, and in turn are infected by theirs.  Emotions are viral.  Here is how it works:

Smiling makes you more attractive and more sociable.  Others perceive you as more trustworthy.  You feel better about yourself and about others.

So, tell me again, what’s the downside of focusing on something as simple as a smile?  Hmm.

True Leaders Sustain

When the business blockbuster Good to Great was published in 2001, author Jim Collins introduced us to the distinction between “celebrity” leaders vs “Level 5” leaders. Both get the job done for their companies; they are very different in their How.

The results achieved by celebrity leaders often decline or disappear when they move on, because the primary tool they bring to problem-solving is the force of their personality.  The Level 5 leader on the other hand, keeps the focus on building systems that can be sustained even when players change.

Another difference between the two is the way they respond to success and crisis. The celebrity looks in the mirror to give credit for success, and out the window to assign blame; the Level 5, in contrast, looks in the mirror to assign blame and looks out the window for someone to credit with success.

From my first reading of this book, I named the distinction “Manager vs Leader,” and still see it that way today. The bottom line is that true leaders (the Level 5) step outside of themselves and the comfort of knowing, and into the DIScomfort of not knowing and taking care of others.  There is nothing wrong with being a manager…but the BEST results come from those who model and nurture strong leadership in their organizations.

Remember, Leadership is not about a title: Anyone can be a leader who builds sustainable systems that best serve the organization, respects people, and shines the spotlight on others, first.