Communicating Unhappy News

As more and more companies must make the difficult decision to reduce staff and send people packing, I’ve had many leaders come to me and ask for advice on what to tell people when they ask questions. When people suspect a lay off is pending, they shift into constant anxiety.

Yet too many top leaders, for their own reasons, insist on “keeping mum” as the official management policy. And it’s the leaders who are frustrated with that policy who come to me and ask, ‘what should I do?’

I usually tell them, “you may be asking the wrong person!” I’ve gotten myself in trouble on numerous occasions for sharing information with my team that was not “supposed” to be shared. Of course, on the flip side, I’ve generally had great trusting relationships with my teams, whether I was running a 12-person financial unit or a 100-member service team. So it’s a balancing game: please the boss and support secrecy, or improve loyalty and retention of team members. It’s not been a difficult choice for me, ever… but just so you know.

By now I’m sure you’ve guessed my counsel to those managers. Here’s my philosophy: In the absence of news, people will make up their own. Do you want them to believe the rumors or the truth? I also passionately believe that people prefer to hear difficult news directly from their manager. When you are sharing the bad news as well as the good news, people trust you more and won’t be looking for hidden agendas.

Plus, I happen to subscribe to the ‘they are all adults’ story… and they are not stupid or blind, so pretending nothing is happening is simply not a smart option.

Bruce Hennes is a local Crisis Communications expert — he goes in to help companies when big things blow up.  While his work is generally around embarrassment and scandal, I love how his tips for great crisis communication work for many common issues, as well.  Bruce’s coaching around any sort of bad news is to NEVER, EVER try to keep it secret — it will only blow up on you. So his top three rules are:

1. Tell the Truth (they are going to discover it, anyway!)
2. Be the First (let them hear it from you, not from others)
3. Tell it all (share what is known)*

*About #3: don’t wait till you have all the facts. Tell what you do know — and what you don’t know. And if you’re sharing opinion or conjecture, make it clear that it’s just your opinion/guess. That way if reality pans out differently, people will still trust you.

Bruce says that the more YOU talk about an issue (following the above), the faster it goes away.  But once the rumor mill (or the media) have it, they will make up anything that’s missing, and sometimes the story they create is much worse than the Truth!

Over the past month I ‘ve coached leaders at two companies thru this very process.  At one organization they had to eventually lay off 20% of their workforce, but the process was going to take two weeks to fully develop. I urged them to keep sharing everything that was firmly decided as it was decided (rather than waiting till the last minute as people were being sent home), and everyone — those laid off and those who survived — felt much better about the process. Sad? Yes. Betrayed? No.

For many who work in organizations today, the news is grim and the conversations difficult.  How can you keep from falling into depression?

Here’s how: Pay attention to how you’re carrying yourself. You and your coworkers/team may not be able to control the business, but you can always control you, how you respond, etc. You can still be an optimist. Some things are falling apart, yes, AND some things are still working. What you give the most attention to will determine your ability to function and lead through it all.

In happiness, J

Tough Choice

I could not resist pulling this two-minute video onto my blog.  It resonated with me because, of all the leadership challenges that come up in coaching and training conversations, this is the most common area of concern (I can’t tell you more without giving away the twist).

This is part of a new series of humorous looks at Crucial Conversations posted by Vital Smarts.  It’s certainly a novel way of getting out the word!

Now that you’ve watched it, we can talk.

I deliver several different workshops on Communication and Coaching, and the PA conversation seems always to be at the heart of “concerns.” Sad, AND true.

Truly, how many of you carry this same perception of the Performance Appraisal experience? Guess what — LOTS of people feel this way.

Thanks goodness we can laugh about it. Now, what might we DO about it, so this is not such an unhappy process for so many people? How might we show up differently as leaders so that it’s an easy choice?

Something to think about.

Everything’s Amazing, Nobody’s Happy

This is a simply riotous video that you’ll especially appreciate if you are “older” (over 25).  In a four-minute clip of Conan O’Brien hosts the comedian Louis CK who is talking of the spoiled generation (tho frankly, I know a lot of older folks who behave the same way).

The sentiment here is that we are living in a world that is truly astounding… and we’ve become numb to the miracles we live with every day.    Enjoy!

If you cannot view the video clip here, you can see it at YouTube

Putting this sentiment into action

While I was nearly hysterical with laughter the first time I viewed this, I found that a second viewing led me down a more reflective path.  What ARE the everyday miracles I take for granted? Here’s just three:

• Ten years ago if I wanted to discover facts about a topic I would have to read the Encyclopedia (a now-ancient format for gathering info), or spend a half day going to the library for research.  Now, I just Google it, in seconds.
• When my oldest child went to college, we established our own toll-free phone number, because that was the only way to avoid outrageous ‘long-distance’ phone charges.  Now, my “land” phone is via the Internet, and I can call anywhere in the world and nobody cares about cost.
• And one of my favorites:  my record collection when I was younger weighed about 60 pounds and required two people to carry a huge, heavy-duty crate;  AND I could only play one record at a time.  Now, I carry over 220 albums — enough music to mix and play continuously for 10.1 days! — in a container slightly larger than a deck of cards.  OH, and I have my entire movie collection in that same container.  OH, and the equivalent of  six photo albums.  How cool is that?!

When you take a moment to appreciate what you DO have, rather than focusing on what’s missing,  you’ll have a much happier ride!

Hey, how about you take a moment to leave a comment and share just 1-2 everyday miracles that you thought about while reading this post! Thanks.

What’s the Best Piece of Advice You Ever Got?

“What’s the best piece of advice you ever received?”  A TV interviewer asked this of her guest recently, and that question got me thinking about how I’d respond.

My mother always used to say, “if you love what you do, you’ll never have to work a day in your life.” It took me a couple decades to figure out exactly what that advice meant for me, but since I figured it out my stress levels dropped permanently.  Today, the twin passions of helping leaders grow and creating more happiness in the world are at the core of everything I do, and the more true I am to those passions, the less what I do feels like work.

Another piece of advice that changed my life came from a woman who was my mentor for many years.  Tiona said, “you can’t change other people; you can only change how you respond to them.” This advice helped me become a much better leader during my corporate career, and has helped me tremendously in my career as a coach.

What’s the best piece of advice you ever got?

Are You as Happy as You Want to be?

Are you are as happy as you want to be?  Have you “succeeded” yet still find happiness elusive?  Do you sometimes feel “stuck” in your career or your life, without a clear path to what’s next for you?

If those questions caused you to pause for a moment, I invite you to read on.

What is Happiness, and Why Should You Care?

I define happiness as wanting what you have. Happiness, then, is an inner state; the quality of being joyous, glad, or contented.

Who cares?  Well, studies in the field of Positive Psychology look at the cause-and-effect cycle of “positive emotions,” e.g. gratitude, joy, hope, contentment, optimism, love, and, of course, happiness. Those studies show that that people who experience more positive emotion in their lives are:

• More RESILIENT. They hold up to stress better, and recover from negative or traumatic situations more quickly.
• More CREATIVE. They typically see more options available to them and are more comfortable trying new ideas and experiences.
• HEALTHIER.  Happier people get sick less often, and when they do they bounce back more quickly.

The good news: anyone can learn to experience more positive emotions in their life by engaging in a variety of skill-building exercises.

You see, our emotions function like our muscles. When we work out regularly, our muscles grow larger and stronger; if the emotions we most often exercise are worry, anxiety, and fear, those moods dominate our lives. Our positive emotional “muscles” need to be worked out to help them grow stronger.  The more often we seek out and experience positive emotions (happiness), the greater our capacity to deal with the future.

For example, keeping a gratitude journal helps strengthen your awareness of the blessings in your life. Other “exercises” for your emotional self can include:

• Learning how to breathe differently, e.g. deeper vs shallow breathing supports a different set of emotional responses
• Shifting how and where you carry energy in your body (calm energy resides in a different place than the energy of purpose, action, pain, anxiety, creativity, and so on)
• Noticing the reactions you have to various people or conversation topics (e.g. that coworker who always “pushes your buttons”) and gradually introducing a new response on both physical and emotional levels
• Changing the language you use in conversation.  Simple changes in the words you use can yield amazing changes in how you feel and the quality of your interactions

As a coach, I work with people who want to show up differently in the world.  The above are some of the tools I use with my clients to make the changes they seek.

Where’s this article coming from, you might ask… Well, I had a conversation yesterday with someone who appeared to get irritated with me, and said, “why would I need a coach to help me do all that? I can do it myself!”

My response:  “If you can do it yourself, then why are we having this conversation?”

You see, knowing is not the same as doing.  We benefit from having people outside of our world to help us understand who we are and how we are really showing up in that world.  That’s why I have several coaches.  That’s why Oprah Winfrey has a coach. And Tiger Woods.

A personal coach is a resource to help you achieve more in the world than even you believe possible.  In a world gone CrazyBusy, I know I can use all the help I can get!

How about you?

Jim Smith, PCC, is a personal and executive coach.  He works with clients who want to change how they show up in the world — because they “have it all” but still aren’t happy.

An Exhortation

I recently read of a poll which asked, “do you believe that Americans today still respond to the call John F Kennedy made in his 1961 inaugural speech, ‘Ask not what your country can do for you; ask what you can do for your country’?”  23% said Yes, 70% said no.  Hmm.

In a few hours our new President will issue his own exhortation, a call to action for a new millennium.  The dictionary defines Exhortation as,a communication intended to urge or persuade the recipients to take some action.

What action will that be, I wonder?  How will I respond?  How will this country respond?  The problems facing our nation are far too large for one person, or one institution to address.  Yet if we are ALL willing to participate, amazing things are possible.

San Francisco composer (and Cleveland native) David Conte was so inspired by the closing paragraphs of Barack Obama’s acceptance speech on election nite that he pulled key phrases into a song that will have its world debut at today’s inauguration ceremony.  Many believe that this song, An Exhortation, captures the essence of Obama’s own call to action.

America, we have come so far.
We have seen so much.
But there is so much more to do.

Let us ask ourselves:
If our children should live to see
The next century
What progress will we have made?

This is our chance to answer that call.
This is our time
To reaffirm that fundamental truth
That out of many, we are one;
That while we breathe, we hope;
And where we are met with doubt,
We will respond with that timeless creed
That sums up the spirit of a people:

Yes We Can.

The key word, here, is WE. Not I can, or They can.  We.  We are all in this together, and if we wait for someone else to save us, we will wait a long time.  If this new president can inspire people to participate and to actively become part of the solution, I believe anything is possible.

That is my hope, on Inauguration Day 2009.

Happiness is a wet dog

So, my wife and I are dogsitting for our “grand dog,” while my daughter and son-in-law are on a vacation in New York City. We see the dog (Heidi, a miniature black schnauzer) regularly, since we drop by their house every evening and take Heidi with us on our daily walk.  She’s a sweet, well-behaved, and incredibly well-trained dog.

Living with a dog, however, is very different from visiting with one.

With Heidi living at our house for the past few days, I am reminded of the many reasons why we no longer own a dog ourselves:

1. Dogs demand attention. Every 30 minutes or so she removes herself from her blanket and makes it quite clear that it is “time to give the dog a backrub.  NOW!”  It’s been interesting the past two workdays, as she comes out to my office, lays her head on my lap, and stares up at me.  Shooing her away does not work.  Only after I give her several minutes of attention will she shake herself off, look at me with satisfaction, and head back for a (yet another) nap.
2. Dogs watch everything you do.  Everything. It’s sort of creepy when she just sits and stares at me.  While I eat: staring.  When I brush my teeth: staring.  While I grade papers, write, or read the newspaper: staring.  It’s sort of like having a stalker, only smaller.
3. Dogs have their own agendas. Like, “I want to go out and smell stuff at 3AM” or “I love to snuffle around in decomposing leaves — you don’t mind if I bring them inside, do you?”
4. Dogs don’t wear boots outdoors. So when it’s raining, they bring mud samples inside.  And when it’s snowing, they like to collect several pounds of ice and bring it in to melt it on the linoleum floor, right where I stand in my socks.  Brrr!
5. Dogs don’t use toilets. This means we cannot leave the house for longer than 7 hours.  Well, this is not too much of a hardship for a few days, but I feel very restricted by that timeframe.  Our goldfish can go up to two days without us — much more convenient.
6. Dogs can’t open doors. So, you were thinking weekend, and sleeping in?  NOT!  This dog wants to head outside and then be fed — and let outside again — at 6AM, 7 days a week.  Bummer.
7. Wet dogs smell. Yep.  No matter how cute, a dog that’s been out in the rain exudes an odor like… well, a wet dog!

Maybe I’m being a bit harsh.  Heidi truly is a joy.  She’s small enough to sit on my lap, and is overall a very well-behaved dog.  While she may demand back rubs a bit often, her show of gratitude always warms my heart (dogs are great at being Happy!).  Plus — and this is a mystery — this dog almost never barks.  Truly!  Her orginal owner trained her well.  So she’s never disruptive while I’m on the phone, even when she’s trying to crawl up onto my chair while I’m typing.

Plus, I’m realizing that this training may serve me well for when we eventually have grandchildren.  Can you see the parallels? Grandchildren: demand attention, watch everything you do, have their own agendas, track in dirt, don’t use toilets, can’t open doors (we hope!), and when they’re wet… they smell. 

Short is sweet

I just finished up a two-hour class on using web tools to build relationships, build my brand, and support my business. My head is spinning.

BlogTalkRadio.  Twitter.  Twellow.  Ping.fm. Podcasts thru iTunes. Trendwatching. Tweetbeep.com. Blogging.  Audio files — MP3 or CD? Video on the blog.  “The static website is dead (or wil be within two years). ”

My brain hurts, and at the same time I’m processing all the possibilities — and the shifts.  The bottom line: most people don’t have the time — or won’t make the time — to read a lot of stuff or listen to long recordings or… well, people are moving fast.  We can grip about the sound-bite culture, or we can embrace the fact that it is that, and figure out how to prosper in that new reality.

Short is sweet.  Twitter is short.  I’ve set up an account at Twitter, and will play with another route to happiness.  Join me?!  http://twitter.com/JimSmithOnline

« Previous Page