Tiny Stories of Gratitude for the Holidays

A client of mine sent this story as part of his holiday message, and I loved it so much I asked for his permission to share it with all of you. My guest columnist, Rob, is an executive who lives in Chicagoland.

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I ask you all to practice random acts of kindness this season. During the past few weeks a few things have happened that I would like to share.

1. I picked up a pair of shoes from a the cobbler and indicated to the woman in the store that I was excited because I had only one more official Christmas Party to go to.  She said: ” I wish I had a Christmas Party to Go to.”

Let’s Be Grateful for what we have and get to do!

2. I shared with a beautiful woman my goal of teaching at the University of Chicago.  She shared with me that she had received her PhD there and had this set of china with Pictures of the Buildings on them from 1931.  I had just met her.  She left and returned within 10 minutes and gave me the 12-piece set of china.

Be Grateful for the generosity of others!

3. I was able to hear one of my best friends play his violin in Handel’s Messiah.  He was, and it was, amazing.

Be Grateful for the Talent and Growth of others!

4. I was blessed to have lunch with my mom and my aunt in Chicago at the Walnut Room of Marshall Fields.  Generally the wait is 2-4 hours.  I had exchanged holiday greetings with a man on an elevator earlier.  He saw us in line and gave us his reservation which was 45 minutes earlier.

There is an abundance of Generosity in the World!

5. Lunch and the time with mom and Aunt Arlene was a blessing!

Enjoy family and loved ones.  Be grateful!

6. We decided to have dessert at the Cheese Cake Factory on Michigan Avenue.  Another wait was in front of us.  I greeted the host with “Hello and Merry Christmas.”  He stopped and said “What did you say?”  “I said, Merry Christmas.”  He said “you are the first person who said that all day.  Thank you!”  and he seated us immediately

There are so many other miracles that keep happening!

I heard the bells on Christmas Day; their old familiar carols play, and wild

and sweet the word repeat of peace on earth, good-will to men!”

~Henry Wadsworth Longfellow, American Poet

Be bold, step into your fear!

Love this quick video — an inspiring reminder that our fears are most often ONLY in our minds.

Happy News: Chocolate Good for the Heart and Brain!

Healthy Eating? You Decide!

This news is a month+ old, but it’s really timeless, and it made me happy, so I’m sharing with you.  Science proves that Chocolate is GOOD FOR YOU!

Chocolate Good for the Heart and Brain, according to new meta-analysis

Michael O’Riordan  from http://www.theheart.org/article/1268867.do

August 29, 2011 (Paris, France) — In a city renowned for its love of food, it is only fitting that researchers presented the results of a new study in Paris, France, showing that chocolate is good for the heart and brain. In a presentation at the European Society of Cardiology (ESC) 2011 Congress, British investigators are reporting that individuals who ate the most chocolate had a 37% lower risk of cardiovascular disease and a 29% lower risk of stroke compared with individuals who ate the least amount of chocolate.

In the study, published online August 29, 2011 in BMJ to coincide with the ESC presentation, Dr Adriana Buitrago-Lopez (University of Cambridge, UK) and colleagues state: “Although overconsumption can have harmful effects, the existing studies generally agree on a potential beneficial association of chocolate consumption with a lower risk of cardiometabolic disorders. Our findings confirm this, and we found that higher levels of chocolate consumption might be associated with a one-third reduction in the risk of developing cardiovascular disease.”

In this meta-analysis of six cohort studies and one cross-sectional study, overall chocolate consumption was reported, with investigators not differentiating between dark, milk, or white chocolate. Chocolate in any form was included, such as chocolate bars, chocolate drinks, and chocolate snacks, such as confectionary, biscuits, desserts, and nutritional supplements. Chocolate consumption was reported differently in the trials but ranged from never to more than once per day. Most patients included in the trials were white, although one study included Hispanic and African Americans and one study included Asian patients.

Of the seven studies, five trials reported a significant inverse association between chocolate intake and cardiometabolic disorders. For example, individual studies showed reductions in the risk of coronary heart disease (odds ratio 0.43; 95% CI 0.27–0.68), the risk of cardiovascular disease mortality (relative risk [RR] 0.50; 95% CI 0.32–0.78), and the risk of incident diabetes in men (hazard ratio 0.65; 95% CI 0.43–0.97).

Overall, the pooled meta-analysis results showed that high levels of chocolate consumption compared with the lowest levels of chocolate consumption reduced the risk of any cardiovascular disease 37% (RR 0.63; 0.44–0.90) and stroke 29% (RR 0.71; 0.52–0.98). There was no association between chocolate consumption and the risk of heart failure, and no association on the incidence of diabetes in women.

The researchers note that the findings corroborate the results of previous meta-analyses of experimental and observational studies in different populations showing a similar relationship between chocolate and cocoa consumption and cardiometabolic disorders.

“These favorable effects seem mainly mediated by the high content of polyphenols present in cocoa products and are probably accrued through the increasing bioavailability of nitric oxide, which subsequently might lead to improvements in endothelial function, reductions in platelet function, and additional beneficial effects on blood pressure, insulin resistance, and blood lipids,” conclude Buitrago-Lopez and colleagues.

<end of press release>

Well, I’m not even pretending to understand that last bit, about endothelial function and whatnot…. but in celebration of this news, I’m having myself a couple pieces of a Trader Joe’s 72% Chocolate bar — because even generic chocolate makes me smile!

You always have the Power to Change YOU

Do you have things or situations in your life that cause you to go, “ugh!”?

I call them Tolerations — things you “put up with” in your life. Because they are often small and invisible, they create stress without your awareness; they drain your energy.

Happiness Principle #6 reads: Tolerate Nothing. Continually identify and eliminate all the little “stuff” which causes you friction and drains your energy.

When I introduce people to the concept of Tolerations they often list issues they are tolerating, but then they get overwhelmed when they consider how much WORK it’s going to take to address them.

No.  Stop.  It doesn’t have to be about you changing them — it’s about you changing YOU, which is a lot easier.

Here’s the thing: people are people, and situations are situations. They are neither good nor bad, hard nor easy.  It is your ASSESSMENT of a person or situation that creates your stress, and many times the easiest way to reduce your stress is to change the story you tell yourself.

Example: For several years, my gym time overlapped with that of a guy I’ll call “Greg.” Greg worked out six days a week, and was in superb physical condition, via swimming, weights, and cardio work.  AND Greg was a neat freak/germophobe.  Each time I crossed his path he would comment on a leaky sink, the odor in the bathroom, insufficient hot water in the showers, etc, etc.  I regularly agreed with him, and we’d have a little pity party….

And I would leave the gym feeling stressed and a little down.

What Greg said was true — stuff wasn’t working. Also true: this was a 60-year old YMCA building, and Greg issues were related to the aging facilities.  One day this situation came up in my tolerations work, and I realized I was whining.  So I adjusted my thinking and my behavior.

In working on myself, I also became aware of what Greg was doing. So I asked him, “If you have so many problems with the place, why do you keep working out here?”  Greg looked at me with surprise.  His first reaction was, “I’ve been coming here for years!” and I came back with, “So have I, Greg… and I cannot think of a time when these were not issues.  You are arguing with reality.  Do you realize that you are tolerating these conditions?”  “Tolerating?”  I explained what I meant, and he pondered that as he dressed and left.

I never saw Greg again at the YMCA. However, we traveled in overlapping business circles, and two months later I saw him at a networking event.  He came over to shake my hand and said, “You were right.  I obsessed about that place, and yet I had the power to change the situation all along.  I found another gym that I like better.  Thank you for showing me that I was putting up with the situation.  It was not them that needed to change – it was me!”

And that’s the point of Tolerations. If you are unaware of something that is draining you, it will continue to Zap your energy. The tolerations exercise gives you the opportunity to say, “that bugs me,” out loud, and really acknowledge it.

Once you do that, you have choices that you did NOT have when it was invisible to you.  You can CHOOSE to remain and whine about it, OR…you can choose to take action, make a plan, make a request of someone else, or even…

…change your thinking about it. Note the contrast between how Greg and I experienced the same reality – shower facilities occasionally smelled and needed constant repair:

• Greg thought, “It should not be like this.  This is wrong.  I am suffering.”  And he took action to find a new place.
• I looked at the same situation and thought, “yes, there are breakdowns constantly; AND they keep it clean and the price is reasonable, and I am willing to accept the tradeoffs.”

We CHOSE different, yet equally effective paths: I let go of the toleration by changing my story, while Greg eliminated the toleration by changing his environment.

Notice that what changed in both situations was US – first, awareness, then making a new choice.

Do This For Yourself

What are you tolerating? Download the complete exercise here.

If you removed a few tolerations, how much better might you feel? Think about it.  Less burdens to carry.  More energy and capacity to focus on what’s important.  More space to feel happiness and contentment rather than the anxiety and stuckness that often accompany tolerations.

And who doesn’t want to be happier?

Visit http://www.theexecutivehappinesscoach.com/resources/articles/HP06-TolerateNothing.pdf for complete instructions and a Tolerations worksheet

Drop me a note to tell me what YOU notice when you acknowledge your tolerations. I look forward to hearing how it goes for you.

14 Life Lessons from a Trip to Italy

In May I spent 10 days in Italy with my wife, daughter, son-in-law, and eight-month-old grandson. While we did some touristy things (e.g. you simply cannot visit Florence and NOT see the David!), we also immersed ourselves in the culture.

We never set foot in a hotel or gift shop. Instead, we slept in residential neighborhoods in old convent rooms now run as B&Bs by the nuns, or in an apartment within a medieval-era walled city with a commanding view of olive orchards and vineyards.

Immersion in a foreign culture refreshes the way I view the world. First, the “different-ness” of life in another country or region opens up new awareness; then, my newly expanded lens causes me to review habits and beliefs that were previously “invisible” to me.

Through the lens of learning, I share with you my most powerful life lessons from Italy:

1. Just because you don’t know where you are does not mean you are lost. We circled parts of Umbria and Florence for hours, unable to make sense of the serpentine, one-way roads…and we had a blast!
   Just like in real life, the pleasure’s as much in the journey as the destination.
2. You can be way off track and still maintain balance. I’m a vegetarian who manages my diet to minimize starches and fat.  Not in Italy!  There I consumed huge amounts of pasta, gelato and vino every day, and LOVED it!
   There’s nothing wrong with letting the pendulum swing far in one direction, as long as you ride the swing back in the other direction to keep yourself centered.  To balance our doubling of food, we walked EVERYWHERE!
3. Don’t underestimate the common and familiar. At first, we resisted the vino della casa (the house wine), thinking it was the “cheap stuff.”  We learned that in Italy the house wine (typically ~€3/liter, about $4.50US) was inexpensive because it was made just a few kilometers down the road – and it was always fantastico!.
   Take a fresh look at what is right under your nose and you may be pleasantly surprised. I’m now paying more attention to the Locavore movement, which is all about reconnecting with the great quality of foods and opportunities nearby.
4. Happiness is all around, but there’s not always a Sign. One of my two vices is great coffee, and I was told that “espresso bars are everywhere” in Italy.  I was frustrated until I learned that the bars are typically tiny and, since the locals already know where they are, poorly marked.  Once I had clues, I could find a shot of espresso within minutes.
   Happiness is like that – if you don’t know what you seek, it’s impossible to find.  Seek clarity, and you’ll soon realize it’s right in front of you.
5. Do your inner work, first. Americans are often concerned about the view OF their house, e.g. how others see their house/lawn/gardens from the street.  In Italy, gardens are maintained in hidden courtyards, so the focus is on the view FROM the house.
   When you work on how YOU see the world, you will create more positive change than when you spend all your time worrying about your “image” with others.
6. We build on other’s successes. While we think we are special and so advanced, we are not the first generation to achieve huge innovation and create great works – ancient Rome proves that point. If not for the accomplishments and creativity of those who went long before us, what we have today would not and could not be.
   We have a responsibility to understand history and use it in two ways: as a jumping off point to build a better future AND for lessons on what NOT to repeat!
7. When you move all day, many small steps add up. Our busiest walking day (nearly 20km/12mi!) covered ancient Rome’s central city: the Forum, Palatine Hill, and the Coliseum.  Yet because we stopped for a picnic lunch in the emperor’s throne room and a nap in the palace gardens, we survived the day.
   As the saying goes, “how do you eat an elephant? One bite at a time;” any big undertaking becomes easier when tackled just one step at a time.
8. Happiness is in the small things and the quiet moments. One of my fondest memories will be of the supreme calm I’d experience each time I stepped off the crowded, frantic streets of Florence and into the dark, cool quiet of the convent lobby.
   Take a moment to breathe.
9. There are friendly people everywhere. We got lost.  We feared pickpockets. We sat down in restaurants where nothing was in English.  We learned that no matter the situation, per favore and grazie (please and thank you) brought out the best in others.
   In life, we often assume that we’re on our own because we buy the “story” that the world is an uncaring and dangerous place. That’s an image created by the media to sell newspapers, cable news, and reality shows.  In the Real World, 98% of the people you ask will return a smile with a smile, and help you on your way.
10. Once you let go of control, it’s easier to enjoy the ride. Italians pay scant attention to breakfast, start dinner “too late, and drive like lunatics on impossibly narrow roads, right?  Well, it took a few days for us to understand, but once we let go of our American “filters” and embraced a different set of rules, we had a better time, and created great stories to tell.
    Let go of your “shoulds” and instead be curious about what is.
11. Don’t sleep with the windows open unless you pull down the screens. Don’t get mad at the mosquitoes – it’s not their fault you forgot!
12. Although it is hard work to climb up hill, the spectacular views from the top make it all worthwhile.
13. Anything that seems strange at first can feel perfectly normal after a week. Exhibit A: pumpkin, sardines, and octopus on a pizza (it was pretty tasty!)
14. There’s no place like home. No matter how delightful the trip, there’s nothing quite as lovely as a good night’s sleep in your own bed!

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The 13 Principles of Happiness offer even more life lessons.  Visit http://www.theexecutivehappinesscoach.com/happiness/philosophies.cfm, to download a 1-page PDF Poster.  Post it on your workplace wall or your fridge at home, and try to live principle each day!

How Fast is Fast Enough?

Over the past few weeks I’ve found myself in numerous conversations in which people confessed to feeling stressed to or beyond their capacity. A lot of the stories have to do with trying to keep up with an impossibly fast world, being “on” 24 hours a day, and needing to know everything instantaneously, deliver results NOW, and in general keep up with everything, all the time.

Really?  REALLY?!

Have you heard the news:  Stress kills?  And here’s the other message you need to hear:  You create 100% of your own stress!

In the context of all these conversations about speed and stress, I received this simple reminder from Seth Godin’s blog:

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Day old news is fresh enough

The value of breaking news (news = whatever is new to you) is dramatically overrated, and the cost of keeping up with what someone else thinks is urgent is just too high.

If it’s important today, it will be important tomorrow. Far more productive to do the work instead of monitoring what’s next.

[Exceptions: Emergency room doctors, producers at CNN, day traders.]

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Especially given that this comes from one of the most followed and prolific bloggers on the internet, I thought this was just a great reminder that success in today’s world is not always about being fastest.

Do we REALLY need to know everything, right now?  The Speed of Life need only stress you if you choose to let it…

Think beyond what you believe

185 voices from 58 countries, individually recorded then mixed into a single choir. While some lament how the internet separates, this video shows us how we can be part of something far greater when the internet serves as a means to connect.

I recently discovered Eric Whitacre, a classical composer/conductor, through his TED talk on the creation of a Virtual Choir.  (also worth the time to view!). This was his vision.

This made me smile, and I share it with you in that spirit. I challenge you to think beyond what you believe.

The Endless Smile Loop

This is how human beings work.  We infect others with our emotions, and in turn are infected by theirs.  Emotions are viral.  Here is how it works:

Smiling makes you more attractive and more sociable.  Others perceive you as more trustworthy.  You feel better about yourself and about others.

So, tell me again, what’s the downside of focusing on something as simple as a smile?  Hmm.

Summer Reading List: In Search of “Must Reads”

The 2011 Summer Reading List
Nominations NOW OPEN

That’s right; it’s time for my TWELFTH ANNUAL Summer Reading List (SRL). Each year before I head to the Atlantic shore I solicit ideas for great new reads that you’ve discovered.  I’m looking for titles on COACHING, HAPPINESS, and LEADERSHIP topics as well as great NOVELS and frothy little BEACH BOOKS.  I’m especially interested in new genres, etc, as my reading tastes are eclectic.** I make my selections from your input, and then share the compiled list with all of you, so you can make your own Summer Selections at the bookstore.

If you’d like to participate, please note the following four points:

1. What are the MUST READS you’ve encountered this year? Please share your discoveries.
2. I need your ideas by May 31 – the Tuesday following Memorial Day – in order to give me time to research and get the list published along with the June 22 edition of my newsletter.
3. Please help me manage my Inbox!  Use this link to make your Subject Line, Summer Reading List 2011
4. Include in the text three items: Title (including subtitle if you have it), Author, and a paragraph telling me why you like/recommend the book.

**If you are new to my SRL or want to get started early on your summer reading, you can find the past three years on my Archives Page (’08, ’09, & ’10).

I can’t wait to hear your recommendations!  In anticipation, Jim

I’ve Joined the Cult of Apple!

For years I’ve carried on a good-natured banter with my friends and relatives who belonged to what I called The Cult of Apple. They were far too satisfied with their computing experiences for me to believe it was real.  There had to be a catch, right?

I was an Unbeliever.

Someone gave me an old iPod Nano, with which I consumed audiobooks while I worked out.  Soon I graduated to a full iPod to hold my 6,000+ songs, and fell in love with podcasts and playlists.

Then I started loading teleclass recordings, and my iPod became a legitimate business tool. As more colleagues converted their office systems to Apple products and spoke with actual JOY about their experience, I began to think, “Hmm… maybe it’s more than hype…maybe there’s some real advantages???”

My family gifted me with an iPad last Christmas, which opened up a new world of accessibility and portability, including a means for devouring books via my iBook and Kindle apps.  It also syncs seamlessly with my music and audio files.  Nice.

Last week, my four-year-old LG mobile officially died.  I’d been in denial for weeks, but as more and more buttons stopped working, I had to face reality: I needed a new phone.  At the Verizon store I considered multiple alternatives, and in the end, noticing how the employees themselves were salivating over the iPhone, I decided to make the leap.

I joined the Apple Cult.  Oh, My, Goodness! This is the most complex technology I’ve ever carried in my pocket, yet the conversion was painless.  I brought it home, plugged it in to my computer, and iTunes asked, “do you want this to look like your iPad?”  I said, yes, and in 30 minutes I had a fully-functional, totally synced iPhone in my hands…. And in just a few days, it has changed my life!

My six-year old laptop has aging “issues,” and my desktop has had its brains replaced twice and keeps trying to commit suicide. I hear the siren call of the Apple cult, drawing me in…

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