Summer Reading List: In Search of “Must Reads”
The 2011 Summer Reading List
Nominations NOW OPEN
That’s right; it’s time for my TWELFTH ANNUAL Summer Reading List (SRL). Each year before I head to the Atlantic shore I solicit ideas for great new reads that you’ve discovered. I’m looking for titles on COACHING, HAPPINESS, and LEADERSHIP topics as well as great NOVELS and frothy little BEACH BOOKS. I’m especially interested in new genres, etc, as my reading tastes are eclectic.** I make my selections from your input, and then share the compiled list with all of you, so you can make your own Summer Selections at the bookstore.
If you’d like to participate, please note the following four points:
- What are the MUST READS you’ve encountered this year? Please share your discoveries.
- I need your ideas by May 31 – the Tuesday following Memorial Day – in order to give me time to research and get the list published along with the June 22 edition of my newsletter.
- Please help me manage my Inbox! Use this link to make your Subject Line, Summer Reading List 2011
- Include in the text three items: Title (including subtitle if you have it), Author, and a paragraph telling me why you like/recommend the book.
**If you are new to my SRL or want to get started early on your summer reading, you can find the past three years on my Archives Page (’08, ’09, & ’10).
I can’t wait to hear your recommendations! In anticipation, Jim
I’ve Joined the Cult of Apple!
For years I’ve carried on a good-natured banter with my friends and relatives who belonged to what I called The Cult of Apple. They were far too satisfied with their computing experiences for me to believe it was real. There had to be a catch, right?
I was an Unbeliever.
Someone gave me an old iPod Nano, with which I consumed audiobooks while I worked out. Soon I graduated to a full iPod to hold my 6,000+ songs, and fell in love with podcasts and playlists.
Then I started loading teleclass recordings, and my iPod became a legitimate business tool. As more colleagues converted their office systems to Apple products and spoke with actual JOY about their experience, I began to think, “Hmm… maybe it’s more than hype…maybe there’s some real advantages???”
My family gifted me with an iPad last Christmas, which opened up a new world of accessibility and portability, including a means for devouring books via my iBook and Kindle apps. It also syncs seamlessly with my music and audio files. Nice.
Last week, my four-year-old LG mobile officially died. I’d been in denial for weeks, but as more and more buttons stopped working, I had to face reality: I needed a new phone. At the Verizon store I considered multiple alternatives, and in the end, noticing how the employees themselves were salivating over the iPhone, I decided to make the leap.
I joined the Apple Cult. Oh, My, Goodness! This is the most complex technology I’ve ever carried in my pocket, yet the conversion was painless. I brought it home, plugged it in to my computer, and iTunes asked, “do you want this to look like your iPad?” I said, yes, and in 30 minutes I had a fully-functional, totally synced iPhone in my hands…. And in just a few days, it has changed my life!
My six-year old laptop has aging “issues,” and my desktop has had its brains replaced twice and keeps trying to commit suicide. I hear the siren call of the Apple cult, drawing me in…
Create Change One Tiny Step at a Time
A moment, take 1: I’m watching my four-month old grandson as he flails his hands about, trying so hard to get his fist into his mouth. He fails 100% of the time. He hits his cheek, his forehead, his ears.
A moment, take 2: I’m swimming laps in the pool, lost in thought about my day. I glance at the clock and realize I’ve lost track of time. I’ve just swum a half mile on autopilot.
A moment, take 3: My client shows up excited to tell me how well she did on her presentation to the executive board. Every day for the past month she has practiced a calm, grounded body so that she could deliver her message from a place of confidence instead a place of panic.
A moment, take 4: One month later, my grandson reaches out with purpose, grasps a plastic ring and, with intense concentration, moves it purposefully and directly toward his mouth. He succeeds every time.
Your Body, Brain, and Heart Are the Same System
My colleague who studies Neurobiology says, “Nothing changes unless the brain changes.” A colleague who uses martial arts in his leadership work says, “Every habit starts and ends in the body.” Hmm.
Who is more correct? I believe they both hold the truth. You cannot change your behavior JUST by thinking about it; you must actually DO something with your body, creating muscle memory. AND since you are essentially one big nervous system, everything you do engages your brain and creates new neural connections.
This is why physical practices and movement are equally important for those seeking to change a habit, become better leaders, or live a happier life. Whatever you seek to change, you must think it AND do it, many times.
After counting my grandson’s fidgeting one day, I calculated that he did that “hand-to-mouth” move over 1,000 times before he could hit the target. He’ll repeat the same relentless practice for rolling over, standing up, and speaking.
My ability to swim on autopilot happened the same way. Having swum competitively for eight years, plus some practice for another 30, I estimate I’ve done 500,000+ flip turns in my life – my body can execute a clean flip off the wall without my even having to think it.
This is the essence: You become what you repeatedly do. The corollaries: You ARE what you’ve repeatedly done in the past; and, You can BECOME what you repeatedly do from today forward. Muscle memory, emotional memory, brain chemistry – all part of the same system.
Seven Places to Start a New Habit
Here are some simple emotional practices that can help recalibrate your base mood. Approach these with an intention to engage your physical senses which will influence your emotional state and rewire your brain.
- Smile more often
(it improves “muscle memory” on your face and invokes positive feelings) - Keep a Joy List or write down daily blessings
(the physical writing engages your body as it tones your “awareness muscle”) - Take two deep breaths and relax your shoulders, ten times a day
(trains your body to find a calm place under pressure) - List what’s RIGHT in a situation before listing the problems
(balances your attention and your perspective) - Count to ten before reacting to any situation
(trains your emotions to wait – until your brain catches up) - Hold your arms at your sides – uncrossed — in all conversations
(helps your body experience the feeling of openness/acceptance to other ideas and people and improves your listening skills) - Hang out with people who already live in the place you want to live
(As mammals, we learn our emotional cues from others. If you want to be more positive, hang out with optimists. If you want to eat better, hang out with the health buffs)
Consider a physical or emotional aspect of yourself that you want to recalibrate. What is a practice that you might use to help you get used to a new way of being? Start with just one tiny thing – one food, one habit, one choice, one relationship, even just one word you use. Shift it, then practice it regularly from this day forward. Just one…
There’s Happiness Under the Snow!
After nearly 8 weeks, our perpetual crust of snow and ice is finally melting.
As I walked the path to my office after lunch yesterday, I looked down and saw dozens of tiny crocus petals poking up thru the last thin crust of ice. They are already an inch high.
They made me smile!
Never Underestimate the Power of Kindness
I received a phone call from a friend who just landed a job. That news, by itself, was cause for celebration!
But the real reason for his call surprised me.
He’d come up to me at church one week and asked if he could meet me for coffee sometime — his treat. (I’ll meet with most anyone who offers me free coffee, so I said Yes).
He’d been in an executive role, was now unemployed, and his search dragged on with little hope. He was toying with the idea of doing some consulting, as an alternative to a traditional job. I remember that during our meeting I listened and helped him brainstorm a bit. I probably suggested a few contacts and strategies, but I must confess that the meeting was not very memorable for me.
Over the next few months I ran into him at several professional networking events, including some that I’d suggested to him. I rejoiced with him when he landed a consulting gig. Every so often he gifted me with a small package of some new, exotic coffee bean he’d come across — which I attributed to our shared love of fresh-ground dark-roasted coffee.
When he called today, I felt positively overwhelmed by the strength of his gratitude for my help. Apparently, that initial conversation last year helped to pull him out of a deep funk into which he’d descended.
His call reminded me of the power of Kindness — in this case, saying yes to a meeting and providing moral support and a listening ear.
It also reminded me that we don’t always recognize when we are doing something meaningful for another person. Sometimes just offering a smile or a listening ear to someone who’s having a bad day feels so easy” yet has a huge impact. Perhaps the best strategy is to show up, always, with respect and a willingness to be of service.
And in case no one’s told you this today — I appreciate you!
Reduce Your Holiday Stress: Simplify!
We Create Our Own Stress
Do you ever find yourself thinking: “I have too much to do — I feel overwhelmed!?” How we are is a result of choices we make and the way we surround ourselves with stuff and challenges. Sometimes our choices can leave us busy and full — yet unhappy. That’s when we need to start dropping what does not serve us.
Happiness Principle #12 says:
SIMPLIFY. Automate, delegate, or eliminate tasks or goals that complicate your life. Being content with simpler pleasures increases your opportunity for awe.
Woven through many of the Principles of Happiness is a common thread I call “eliminate friction.” Friction – as you learned in fifth-grade science class — is resistance to motion. Friction slows things down by removing energy. A rocket flying through the vacuum of space will move freely, but if it strays near a planet it gets caught in gravitational pull or the resisting force of atmosphere. The larger the rocket, the more friction it encounters. Eventually, friction will cause it to burn away until all motion ceases.
While the example is physical, it describes what friction does to you and your happiness. Think about the things that complicate your life – tasks, goals, relationships, commitments, and expectations (and email!). How many of those feel like appendages on the rocket, splaying out in all directions to catch the atmospheric resistance and slow you down?
To Simplify is not necessarily about giving up goals or possessions or busy schedules, but rather a reminder to keep what we have and what we do in perspective. Simplify is about striving to remove the clutter in our lives in order to concentrate our energies toward those things that really matter.
On another level, Simplify is a suggestion to avoid over-commitment as a lifestyle. When we surround ourselves with all the best and the newest, or try too hard to keep everyone else happy, we actually narrow our options for experiencing our own happiness. When we live a simple life, we increase our opportunity for awe.
“Life is really simple, but we insist on making it complicated.” –Confucius
Start Planning Now for a Less-Stress Year
As you race toward the start of the busy holiday season and year end activities, don’t let the convergence of work, family demands, holiday gatherings, cooking, cleaning, and shopping push you over the edge into the Dark Pit of Stress. Start planning now to leave space to enjoy simple conversation and the best of what this time of year has to offer.
Here are some steps you might take to Simplify for a less-stress year-end:
- Schedule “Nothing” Time. Establish time in your calendar to do nothing. Learn how to be at ease in solitude, silence, and stillness. Realize you don’t need all that “noise” around you to feel content – plus a little downtime will give you space to recharge your batteries.
- Streamline Your Goals. We typically get 80% of the impact from 20% of our goals. Line up your personal goals and identify the handful that will provide you the most return on your investment of time. A simplified focus will increase your output and creativity while reducing your stress.
- Let Something Go. You may already feel some dread building up in you over your holiday chores. Consider cutting a few things off your list this year through simplifying. Last year I decided to simplify our outside decorations, and instead of spending hours stringing lights I opted for 10 minutes arranging three red and green spotlights to light the house. Imagine my surprise when our neighbor across the street took a photo of our simply lit home after a snowfall, then used it in his holiday greeting!
- Spread It Out. Cook, clean, prep, or celebrate over several days instead of all at once. One of the things I most DISliked about the holidays was the way everything seemed to happen at once, raising stress levels at a time when we’re “supposed” to be having fun. One of my least favorite “chores” was the annual house/tree decoration marathon: by the end of a very long day we’d all be crabby and tired. Five years ago I experimented with starting earlier, bringing out from storage just one box of “stuff” at a time. Now we do a little decorating every few days over weeks instead of hours, and it turns out to be a lot more fun!
- Ask for Help. Many of you live in the Story that if you take care of everything, people will admire you (or if you don’t get it perfect, people will assess you as inadequate). But the truth is that most people will help you if you ask, and no one will think less of you. And if you ask each person who’s coming to dinner to bring a dish, you may even discover a few new recipes to enjoy!
- Say No. The most powerful way to Simplify is to simply say No to something you really do not want to do. Note: it may take courage to push back against someone who says, “You have to do that.” I promise you, however, that you will survive skipping the occasional invitation, and the world will keep turning on its axis even if you don’t bake those holiday treats that your family has been making since 1952.
“Besides the noble art of getting things done, there is the noble art of leaving things undone. The wisdom of life consists in the elimination of non-essentials.” –Lin Yuta
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The 13 Principles of Happiness can help you plan for more year-end moments of calm and happiness. Visit http://www.theexecutivehappinesscoach.com/happiness/philosophies.cfm, to download a colorful 1-page PDF Poster. Post it on your workplace wall or your fridge at home, and use them as a reminder to Choose Happiness.
Smile Like a Baby
Filed under: Everyday Happiness, Practicing Happiness, Relationships
As of the moment I’m writing this, our first grandbaby’s due date has come… and gone. And my daughter is still (very) pregnant. In fact, she and Paul attended the out-of-town wedding for Kelly’s med-school roommate on her due date. Until the baby arrives, life remains normal….
Babies don’t pay much attention to deadlines and schedules, do they? Yet they hold a great deal of wisdom about life. A couple months ago we saw the documentary, Babies, at the movie theater, and were struck by how much babies smile. A lot. From very early on.
And then I think about all the adults I work with, and how I actually TEACH the concept of smiling. Smiling appears to be a universal response – regardless of culture, language, social status, or environment, babies naturally smile. They “get” that a smile is a way to create a positive response in other people. Smiles attract positive attention. Smiles get them hugs and kisses. Smiles change the people around them.
Babies are very wise, I assess. We all know the story after that. Sometime in childhood, children start to absorb the message that smiling all the time is not acceptable. And so this universally positive and natural behavior is slowly extinguished, until the adult emerges with a “serious” face as their normal expression. And they learn that WHEN they show up — in the right place at the right time, keeping to the schedule — is more important than HOW they show up. Then they must re-learn how to use smiles as a tool to change the environment.
Whenever this baby arrives, I’m looking forward to “re-learning” the natural ability to be happy…and once again enjoy letting go of the need to stay on schedule.
Put the 13 Happiness Principles into Action
Filed under: About Happiness, Everyday Happiness, Practicing Happiness, Relationships
For the past 32 years I’ve been married to an amazing woman who has partnered with me in raising a great family, but who pretty much left me alone when it came to running my coaching and consulting business (except for balancing the books!). A few years ago, however, she started to pay more attention to my work on Happiness as she noticed they have a real impact. Please join me in welcoming guest author Cheryl Smith as she shares some of her accumulated learning.
The 13 Principles of Happiness Applied to Real Life
by Cheryl Smith
I am an accountant, not a writer. Still, I’ve learned a lot about Happiness over the past few years. What follows are some of my “aha” moments that relate to some of Jim’s 13 Principles of Happiness.
Become Positively Self-ish, #1
I always used to put everyone in my life before me — whether my husband, my children, my parents, or my friends, I always suppressed my own needs. I remember one Christmas when Jim and I were writing our holiday letter, and I had no personal highlights. I was the “support” behind most of Jim’s and the kids’ highlights, but I actually had none of my own.
I feel differently now. I realize how I can give even more if I prioritize my needs, too. I love children and truly enjoy every minute I can spend with young kids. Several years ago I seriously considered foster parenting, but life and various health issues altered that path. I do, however, volunteer once a week at Providence House (a crisis nursery for children) and I get a lot of joy from working with the kids. When I returned to work after my surgery, in the “heat” of the tax season, I felt that I would have to give up my volunteering. However, after thinking long and hard, I decided to be positively self-ish and I found the time to maintain my training hours and have continued my volunteer work despite everything else.
Be Authentic, #13
I witnessed an example of this last month when my son got married. He and Katie chose to celebrate their wedding in the way they wanted whether that met with others’ expectations or not. They had a small private event in northern Michigan with two dozen of their closest friends and family and then the next weekend they had a celebration in Chicago with a comedy show and a party at a venue decorated with eclectic 50’s décor!
My daughter and son-in-law married several years ago in the gracious splendor of the Basilica of Notre Dame and for them, it was perfect. Last month was perfect for Justin and Katie. Neither event was better, just different.
When you Live Your Values (#2) it is much easier to remember what is most important. When it comes to marriage, it is about making a lifetime commitment to the one you love, whether on a beach in northern Michigan or in the Notre Dame Basilica. I believe they have both chosen wisely, and in the process been true to themselves.
Build Reserves, #5
I have realized recently that what I want to build reserves of in my life is Memories. I don’t need extra things; what I want is extra experiences. I told my family that I don’t want gifts for birthday or Mother’s Day. Instead, what I want is a chance to get together or to receive a phone call. I guess that is why Jim, Kelly, Paul, Jared and I gave Justin and Katie a honeymoon trip for their wedding gift. What we were really giving them was an adventure and an opportunity for memories.
Tolerate Nothing, #6
This principle is one of my favorites and I practice it often, frequently in small ways. The recent wedding gave me an opportunity to really put it to use. Because Justin and Katie chose an unconventional path there were some friends and family who were less than supportive of the plans. At first I was worried about “how to make it right.” But Katie’s mother and I decided that we would not tolerate, nor worry about, those folks. We decided that those who came to the events would be those who were supposed to be there, and we would happily celebrate with them. And we did.
Choose to Respond, #7
Just 6 months ago I was diagnosed with a brain tumor. It was not within my brain, but rather inside the lining surrounding my brain; and it was not cancer – but was still a brain tumor! I chose to respond with all resources available to me. I had a wonderful surgeon at the Cleveland Clinic and nine days after my diagnosis I had 10 hours of brain surgery. The only open date on the surgeon’s calendar was Christmas Eve, and for a moment I worried about “ruining” the holiday. But I decided that I have to take care of me (I guess that’s also Principle #1 again).
There are many things in life that we cannot control, but in whatever way possible we must respond and face things head on. I try to face things as quickly as possible now. I find that it gives me much less time to worry and far more energy to act.
Pay Attention, #9
I think that staying focused on what is going on around you is critical. I don’t just mean what is going on at the global level. I mean what is going on right in front of you!
I will always remember a conversation with my 25-year-old brother-in-law, Sean, the Thanksgiving before his death from Leukemia. Sean was trying his best to be with family, even though he’d just learned that the cancer had returned. After dinner I noticed that he had moved away from the group and eventually headed upstairs. After a few minutes I followed him up. He was in his cousin’s bedroom crying. I walked in and just held him. He said, “ No one wants me to be here, I make them uncomfortable. No one even came looking for me.” It was not a time to debate his statement or correct him. It was just a time to hold him and remind him that we all loved him.
Always pay attention to those around you.
Simplify, #10
This is the principle I find easiest and hardest to incorporate into my life. I like things simple, very simple, if possible. But I also like things to be predictable, and I hate change. But Jim has helped me to learn that change and simplify need not be mutually exclusive. Change does not have to complicate your life, unless you let it. Sometimes the very best way to simplify is to allow a change or let go!
Cheryl Smith, CPA, is a wife, mother, and tax accountant. She lives in Cleveland, Ohio, with her terminally happy husband and two unnamed goldfish.
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Anyone can make the decision to be happy when they PRACTICE an aspect of happiness every day. Why not post a copy of the 13 Principles on your workstation wall or on your refrigerator so you can put them into action like Cheryl has? You can download a 1-page summary. Choose Happiness.
Life Lessons from a Coffee Cup
Filed under: About Happiness, Everyday Happiness, Happy Food
When I bought a cup at the airport coffee shop, I expected warm caffeine. What I got was a list of life tips written on the cup. It made me smile, and thought I’d share:
And it didn’t stop with the cup. Even the napkin carries some life wisdom:
Stay awake for:
…maxing out your passport
…ghost stories around the campfire
…playing an instrument
…break dancing
…Luscious, oh-so-delicious chocolate
And finally, a reminder that:
Life’s too short for:
…grudges
…Fake anything
…putting profits before people
…over-roasted coffee
…crabby people
…WiFi you have to pay for (I was typing this on an airport wifi signal I had to pay for, grrrr)
…waiting for change to happen
All this life wisdom for just $1.19. And they even threw in some hot coffee!
Enjoy your day. I will.
Choice by Tiny Choice, You Can Change Your Life!
I turned 54 last week. This was a special birthday to me, because there was a time when I did not expect to live this long.
When I was 28 I had heart problems that landed me in the Cardiac ICU at the Cleveland Clinic. While they tried to get my heart rate under control, my cardiologist introduced me to several older men who had the same arrhythmia, but it had not manifested in them until they were older… and they both nearly died on the spot the first time it happened. I remember him telling me, “you will not live as long as these guys did if you don’t take better care of yourself.” I asked the one guy, “How old are you?” 54. He was 54 and he looked like crap.
At the time, I was overweight, stressed, and had “too many” negative medical indicators. Ugh.
So my ‘scared shitless’ story took root, and I changed my life, one little habit shift at a time:
- I became disciplined about working out. At first it was twice a week, then three, and eventually five (that transition took 10 years).
- I lost weight.
- I started watching what I ate, and over the years became a low-carb, meat-free, fresh-foodie (with a dark chocolate addiction on the side). I did not become a vegetarian overnight — I got there by dropping one food at a time, and adding new foods gradually.
- I dropped my cholesterol by 80 points and normalized my blood pressure through diet.
- I cross trained, did Jazzercise, swam, ran, and lifted heavy things. Since I”m easily bored, I used variety in my workouts to keep myself motivated.
- I started noticing my self-talk, and gradually re-wrote all my ‘stories’ (still workin’ on this today!)
- I started studying happiness.
- I nurtured my optimism.
- I took up yoga (five years ago) and then meditation (three years ago).
And yet…. I realized just last year that I’ve been holding – for many years – the story that “I could die when I’m 54.” And I’ve been (quietly yet definitely) scared to turn 54.
And now, I’m here. And it’s not so scary after all.
And I got here one tiny shift, one new practice at a time.
And, my dear reader, that’s what I hope for you. You can change your life, Choice by tiny Choice.
Stand Tall. Breathe Deeply. Smile Often!
Happiness, the BOOK!
The 13 Principles of Happiness