Happiness is Eating Healthy!

Since I completed a three-week detox just over a year ago, I’m much more mindful of the food that I eat.  I learned then, and have reinforced many times since, that I am what I eat — when I eat junk, I feel like crap; when I eat good food, everything’s easier in my life, including getting up with a positive attitude.

My wife – while still cherishing the occasional pork chop or hamburger – has essentially adopted my eating habits, and we’ve recently gone as long as four weeks without going to a grocery store.  How do we accomplish that feat?  Well, we find everything we need at a local produce market.

I read some articles recently that used several new terms to describe the way I’ve been eating for the past fifteen months:

• One-ingredient foods
• The Label-free diet
• The outer circle diet

These all describe the same concept:  Choose only foods at the grocery store that have 1 ingredient (this means that eggs, fruits, vegetables, meats/fish (from healthy animals raised correctly), nuts, seeds, and other 1-ingredient foods should comprise almost your entire diet (except for occasional cheat meals — and dark chocolate).

It’s also called the Label-Free diet because you only eat foods that do not require an FDA nutritional label (see above — what’s in eggs? Eggs!  What’s in a peach? Peach!  no label required).

And it’s also called the Outer Circle diet because you can do all your shopping at a typical grocery store by starting in the produce section (almost always in front corner of store) then steer a circle around the outer wall of the store — meats, dairy, etc.  In the middle of the store are all the processed foods with extensive labeling that you must read to even know what you are eating.

Obviously there are exceptions to the above, and there are foods you can buy with more than 1 ingredient still qualify, e.g. guacamole and hummus being two examples of foods made from several 1-ingredient foods and no additives/fats/sugars.  And oatmeal (ingredients: oats) is still in the cereal aisle.

I’ve written before about how my diet — which dramatically reduced my intake of caffeine, sugars, and glutens — has totally eliminated my afternoon sleepiness, the mood swings I used to experience from the sugar buzz/crash cycle, and the frequent heartburn that made me very crabby and unable to concentrate.

This shift has also dramatically heightened my awareness of how my body and emotions respond when I stray too far from what’s good for my body — I get shaky, dopey, irritable, tense, uncomfortable, distracted, and sometimes even downright mean when I eat poorly!

This may be difficult for many people whose bodies are addicted to processed foods… but give it a try for a week.  when you next shop for groceries, try to make sure that you only put in to your cart 1-ingredient/no-label foods.

I’m willing to bet you’ll feel better for that next week!  And a BODY that feels better has more opportunity to experience happiness.

Happiness is Eating Healthy!

Happiness is Accepting Life as it comes

My mother turned 75 last month.  She’s in pretty good health for an old lady who raised eight kids and has 19 grandchildren.  My dad passed away 23 years ago, and Mom turned out to be quite the survivor — she went to work for Kelly Girls as a permatemp for many years, finished raising my younger siblings, and has retained her independence.

Several years ago vision problems arose, and the doctors diagnosed macular degeneration — slowly but surely she is losing her eyesight.  Still, with a huge magnifying glass and bright light she continued to read voraciously.  And as long as she still had that car in her garage, she could still manage her own life — as long as she only drove on sunny days, to destinations she already knew.

So she kept the car — carrying the insurance and maintenance costs on her limited budget, because of what the car stood for.  This disease is progressive, however, and despite all treatments, Mom recently came to terms with the fact that she is a danger to self and others on the road.  The car had to go.

On a beautiful sunny day last week she took the car out for one last trip to her hairdresser.  When she returned, she turned the keys over to Brandon, a great guy who’s been dating my niece, Elizabeth.  Brandon needed a new car, and who can pass up a deal like this one — the car is ten years old, only has 20,000 miles on it, and was (literally!) only driven by a little old lady to the local mall, church on Sundays… and her hairdresser.

Grandma Mary Ann has cheerfully moved on to the next phase of her life — a little more dependent on others, yet still independent… and always still Smilin’!

P.S.  She does NOT color her hair. I hope I still have that much dark hair on my head 22 years from now!

What’s Love Got To Do With It?

One of my clients has been blogging her way through the coaching experience.  After years of holding all her thoughts inside, she’s discovered that writing helps her reveal herself to herself.  Recently, we revisted an old topic — ♥ self love.♥

This client (who goes by the anonymous title of Spudsie, a childhood nickname) is an animated writer, so if you go to read this entry, hang on for a wild ride.  She’s also “into” references to Winnie-the-Pooh characters.  She’s been channeling Eeyore for years, and she wants to experience more of Tigger.

Take a look at her blog post, here

I mention this because the subject of self-love comes up often in the Happiness conversation.  Spudsie’s struggle is similar to what I see many people go thru, and I really admire her courage in posting her progress on the web.  I’m also impressed with the support she gets from her internet friends across the country.  Her struggles mirror the struggles that other people have, and so she’s created a sort of learning-together community.

♥ ♥ What’s Love Got to Do With Happiness? ♥ ♥

Two weeks ago I heard a series of great motivations talks where the message of self-responsibility was a constant theme.  I attended sessions with a professional speaker from Australia who lived in the UK, a Maori warrior who talks on leadership, a life coach from Vancouver, BC, a Malay gentleman who runs a global school for professional speakers, and an Irish expat who lives in Singapore.

My learning: no matter where you’re from or where on the globe you live, one of the most powerful ways to change your world is to change how you behave, and let the rest of you grow into it.

So the message I brought back into my conversations is this:  If you want the rest of the world to like you/love you/treat you better, guess what? — you have to love yourself, first.  And if you start behaving like you do, after a while you’ll find that ♥ Loving You ♥ starts to feel more and more natural.  Eventually, if you practice self-love enough, your old habits of putting yourself down will hold less power over you, and self confidence will show up more often.

And in that space, you’ll find more Happiness.

So, how might you love yourself more?  What practice(s) could help you feel more loved, loving, and lovable?  (e.g. a simple start might be looking at your own reflection in the mirror and saying, “I love you just the way you are…”).  What physical postures/practices/language would model the way you want to grow into?  Identify a few of those, and start practicing.

As your ♥ self-love ♥ muscles grow stronger, be prepared for your world to start shifting.

In ♥ love ♥ and happiness, Coach Jim

Everything’s Amazing, Nobody’s Happy

This is a simply riotous video that you’ll especially appreciate if you are “older” (over 25).  In a four-minute clip of Conan O’Brien hosts the comedian Louis CK who is talking of the spoiled generation (tho frankly, I know a lot of older folks who behave the same way).

The sentiment here is that we are living in a world that is truly astounding… and we’ve become numb to the miracles we live with every day.    Enjoy!

If you cannot view the video clip here, you can see it at YouTube

Putting this sentiment into action

While I was nearly hysterical with laughter the first time I viewed this, I found that a second viewing led me down a more reflective path.  What ARE the everyday miracles I take for granted? Here’s just three:

• Ten years ago if I wanted to discover facts about a topic I would have to read the Encyclopedia (a now-ancient format for gathering info), or spend a half day going to the library for research.  Now, I just Google it, in seconds.
• When my oldest child went to college, we established our own toll-free phone number, because that was the only way to avoid outrageous ‘long-distance’ phone charges.  Now, my “land” phone is via the Internet, and I can call anywhere in the world and nobody cares about cost.
• And one of my favorites:  my record collection when I was younger weighed about 60 pounds and required two people to carry a huge, heavy-duty crate;  AND I could only play one record at a time.  Now, I carry over 220 albums — enough music to mix and play continuously for 10.1 days! — in a container slightly larger than a deck of cards.  OH, and I have my entire movie collection in that same container.  OH, and the equivalent of  six photo albums.  How cool is that?!

When you take a moment to appreciate what you DO have, rather than focusing on what’s missing,  you’ll have a much happier ride!

Hey, how about you take a moment to leave a comment and share just 1-2 everyday miracles that you thought about while reading this post! Thanks.

There Are Other Places To Sing

A reader sent me this story as a response my post on Saying Goodbye.  I teared up as I read it, and now pass it along to you.  My Aunt Corrine passed on last Friday evening — she’s now singing in a different place.

I hope you enjoy it.

THE OLD PHONE

When I was quite young, my father had one of the first telephones in our neighborhood. I remember the polished, old case fastened to the wall. The shiny receiver hung on the side of the box. I was too little to reach the telephone, but used to listen with fascination when my mother talked to it.

Then I discovered that somewhere inside the wonderful device lived an amazing person. Her name was ‘Information Please’ and there was nothing she did not know. Information Please could supply anyone’s number and the correct time.

My personal experience with the genie-in-a-bottle came one day while my Mother was visiting a neighbor. Amusing myself at the tool bench in the basement, I whacked my finger with a hammer, the pain was terrible, but there seemed no point in crying because there was no one home to give sympathy.

I walked around the house sucking my throbbing finger, finally arriving at the stairway. The telephone! Quickly, I ran for the footstool in the Parlor and dragged it to the landing climbing up; I unhooked the receiver in the parlor and held it to my ear. ‘Information, please,’ I said into the mouthpiece just above my head. A click or two and a small clear voice spoke into my ear.

‘Information.’

‘I hurt my finger,’ I wailed into the phone, the tears came readily enough now that I had an audience.

‘Isn’t your mother home?’ came the question.

‘Nobody’s home but me,’ I blubbered.

‘Are you bleeding?’ the voice asked. ‘No,’ I replied. ‘I hit my finger with the hammer and it hurts.’ ‘Can you open the icebox?’ she asked.

I said I could.

‘Then chip off a little bit of ice and hold it to your finger,’ said the voice.

After that, I called ‘Information Please’ for everything. I asked her for help with my geography, and she told me where  Philadelphia was. She helped me with my math. She told me my pet chipmunk that I had caught in the park just the day before, would eat fruit and nuts.

Then, there was the time Petey, our pet canary, died. I called, ‘Information Please,’ and told her the sad story. She listened, and then said things grown-ups say to soothe a child. But I was not consoled. I asked her, ‘Why is it that birds should sing so beautifully and bring Joy to all families, only to end up as a heap of feathers on the bottom of a cage?’

She must have sensed my deep concern, for she said quietly, ‘ Wayne , always remember that there are other worlds to sing in.’

Somehow I felt better.

Another day I was on the telephone, ‘Information Please.’ ‘Information,’ said in the now familiar voice. ‘How do I spell fix?’ I asked.

All this took place in a small town in the Pacific Northwest . When I was nine years old, we moved across the country to  Boston . I missed my friend very much. ‘Information Please’ belonged in that old wooden box back home and I somehow never thought of trying the shiny new phone that sat on the table in the hall. As I grew into my teens, the memories of those childhood conversations never really left me.

Often, in moments of doubt and perplexity I would recall the serene sense of security I had then. I appreciated now how patient, understanding, and kind she was to have spent her time on a little boy.

A few years later, on my way west to college, my plane put down in  Seattle  I had about a half-hour or so between planes. I spent 15 minutes or so on the phone with my sister, who lived there now. Then without thinking what I was doing, I dialed my hometown Operator and said, ‘Information Please.’

Miraculously, I heard the small, clear voice I knew so well. ‘Information.’

I hadn’t planned this, but I heard myself saying, ‘Could you please tell me how to spell fix?’

There was a long pause. Then came the soft spoken answer, ‘I guess your finger must have healed by now.’

I laughed, ‘So it’s really you,’ I said. ‘I wonder if you have any idea how much you meant to me during that time?’

‘I wonder,’ she said, ‘if you know how much your call meant to me. I never had any children and I used to look forward to your calls.’

I told her how often I had thought of her over the years and I asked if I could call her again when I came back to visit my sister.

‘Please do,’ she said. ‘Just ask for Sally.’ Three months later I was back in  Seattle  a different voice answered:  Information.’ I asked for Sally.

‘Are you a friend?’ she said.

‘Yes, a very old friend,’ I answered.

‘I’m sorry to have to tell you this,’ she said. ‘Sally had been working part-time the last few years because she was sick. She died five weeks ago.’

Before I could hang up she said, ‘Wait a minute, did you say your name was Wayne ?’ ‘Yes.’ I answered.

‘Well, Sally left a message for you. She wrote it down in case you called. Let me read it to you.’ The note said, ‘Tell him there are other worlds to sing in. He’ll know what I mean.’

I thanked her and hung up. I knew what Sally meant.

Never underestimate the impression you may make on others.

Whose life have you touched today?

Why not pass this on? I just did….

Lifting you on eagle’s wings. May you find the joy and peace you long for.

Life is a journey … NOT a guided tour. So don’t miss the ride and have a great time going around.  You don’t get a second shot at it.

Namaste,  Jim

Happiness is a New President

The party’s over, boys and girls.  Now, the real work begins.

You’ve got 77 days to come up with a plan to save the world.  For real.

Don’t try to make everybody happy.  Just do the right thing.  Please.

Use your new powers for the greatest good.

That will make me very happy.

Happiness Starts With You

A reflection for Election Day:

When I was a young man, I wanted to change the world.
I found it was difficult to change the world, so I tried to change my nation.
When I found I couldn’t change the nation, I began to focus on my town.
I couldn’t change the town and as an older man, I tried to change my family.

Now, as an old man, I realize the only thing I can change is myself, and suddenly I realize that if long ago I had changed myself, I could have made an impact on my family.
My family and I could have made an impact on our town.
Their impact could have changed the nation and I could indeed have changed the world.”
~Rabbi Israel Salanter, Nineteenth Century Professor

While we all focus on casting ballots for the next US President, hoping he can “fix” our world and improve our lot, let’s remember that in the end, he’s just one person.  Even if we consider all our U.S. leaders — Executive, Legislative, and Judicial branches combined — they are only 555 people.  They can’t make anything happen until and unless ALL of us take on our share of responsibility.

Change you, change the world.

Happiness and the Stock Market

There’s been very little happiness in the financial world.  In order to keep from slipping into the black hole of depression about our financial situation, I’ve withdrawn a bit.  Do I really need to know what is happening in the market on an hour to hour basis?  No.  Day to day?  Hmm.  One day it’s down 700 points (sadness) and the next day it is up 600 (yay!). Up, down; up, down. So much drama!

I’m only reading news about the market once a week.  I can’t control anything, so I’ve stopped pretending that I can.  I’m observing the activity from a distance.  And I focus on what Good News I can create:

• I’m happy that last year our broker convinced us to diversify our retirement savings, reducing our mix of domestic stocks.  We’ve still lost value, but a lot less than we might have otherwise.
• I’m happy that we converted half my 401(k) into a life insurance annuity.  We were nervous at the time about locking in the money for ten years, but were convinced to make the shift because the tradeoff was a guaranteed minimum balance.  With the market tanking we are now grateful for the lower floor on our dollars — we may not be making any money on that part, but we aren’t losing any, either.
• I’m happy that we are more than ten years away from retirement.  Ten years is a long time for things to recover.  And if they don’t recover, ten years is a long time to come up with a Plan B.
• I’m actually happy that the turmoil is causing everyone to look at “how the system works.”  We are pretty creative as a society, but we tend not to change things that aren’t broken.  The beauty of this crisis is that all the best creative minds are rising to the occasion and asking, “how can we change the system so that this never happens again?!”  Even if they don’t create the perfect solution, what shakes out of this crisis is likely to be better than what was.
• On that note, it’s actually kind of cool to be present at the birth/rebirth of something this big.  (and yes, I am an incurable optimist who believes that crisis can be a good thing)

So, what’s your take on the financial crisis?  Are you focusing only on the worst possible news?  Are you monitoring the market more than you ever did before?  STOP!  You ignored things before, and they went up and down, and you were fine.  Unless you are planning to retire this year, you’re probably going to be in better shape by then, so who cares what the value of your retirement plan is today?

Put down the statement.  Back away from your computer.  Take a deep breath.  Pay attention to the basics you should have been practicing all along:  live your life with joy, don’t buy what you can’t afford, save something out of every paycheck, eat healthy food, exercise your body, breathe deeply when you find yourself stressed.

Oh — did you notice that I mentioned breathing two times in the same paragraph?  Intentional.  Breathing always helps.  The financial crisis will not kill anyone — but the stress of it might.  Don’t make yourself a victim.

Tiny Tips to increase Happiness

I was delivering a talk on Happiness.  When I asked people to consider, “what gets in the way of your happiness?” one man said, “Time.  I am so stressed and have so much to do, I don’t have time to do any of the stuff that makes me happy.”

OK, so let’s establish something: Happiness is not something you do, it’s something you are.  It’s not stuff, it’s how you feel after you do that “stuff.”  It’s something you carry inside of you.  It’s a feeling you can nurture and strengthen through practice.

And if time is an issue, here’s the good news: frequency (of practice) beats duration every time.  Let me explain.  Do you remember when you learned to type in high school?  Your teacher told you to practice 30 minutes daily.    Yikes!  Who has time?  Still, at the end of the semester here’s what happened.  The people who practiced every day typed faster and better than those who crammed in their practice on Sunday nights, even if they only did five minutes each day to the crammers’ several hours.

“What might help you, sir,” I suggested, “are what I call micro-practices; little practices that take just a few seconds each time and which can, literally, recalibrate your whole system when done regularly for 30 days (or forever, for that matter!).

Breathe into your deep belly.  Whenever you have a moment between meetings, sitting at a traffic light, shifting from one task to another, take 15 seconds (you can spare that!) to take two deep breaths, in through your nose and out thru your nose.  Notice how your body moves to calmer.

Express gratitude. Look people in the eye and say ‘Thank You.’  Keep a list of good things that happen around you during the day.

Appreciate what you did. Whenever you finish something — a phone call, a transaction on your desk, a batch of mail, a project, or a conversation — pause before you move on.  Take five seconds to give yourself credit for what you just accomplished, and notice that tiny piece of good feeling you hold around getting that thing done.  Let it soak in.  Then move on.

Offer praise. Compliment someone else on a job well done, or when they do you a favor.  The time you take to “fuel their tank” will also cause you to feel better about yourself.

Smile when you walk.  When ever you go from one place to another at work, put on an intentional smile.  Even if it’s fake, wear it for your walk.  Notice how your spirits lift as you go from one place to another.  (you might also notice a lot more people smiling back at you, which will feed a little positive emotion into your tank!)

Pay attention to how your “happiness” muscles get stronger when you use them a little bit.. little bit… little bit… every single day.

What Happiness and Guilt have in common

At the YMCA this morning two guys sitting at weight machines were having a conversation that went like this:

A: “Why do I do this? I come in here three days a week to beat myself up?”

B: “I agree. This is crazy, to come in here and pull and push and sweat. Why DO we do this?”

A: <after a short pause> “You know what it is? Guilt. If I don’t come in, I feel guilty.”

B: “Yeah, I know what you mean. If I don’t come in, I feel like I let myself down, ‘cuz I know how good I feel on the days I work out.”

A: “Guilt is a pretty good motivator.”

Listening to this exchange, I found myself chuckling. So many people I work with are driven by guilt into beating themselves up for not being perfect, for not “taking care of” everyone in the world, for not meeting impossible standards, and so on… and guilt in those circumstances has become negative and corrosive.

Yet, all guilt is essentially us telling ourselves that we’ve failed to meet some personal standard. So if my standard is that I work out three days a week, and I fail to get my butt out of bed on Monday morning, I feel a little guilt, which serves to motivate me.

Guilt, unchecked, can eat us alive.  Yet if we use it (in small quantities) to hold ourselves accountable when we fail to honor one of our own values or when we renege on a promise we made, guilt keeps us honorable.  And when I keep my promises, I feel happier.

So what guilt and happiness have in common is that they can each, in their own way, serve to motivate us and cause us to shift our behavior.

Thanks, Guilt, for keeping me honest, and supporting my happiness!

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