Practice Does Not Mean Perfect

I practice yoga.

I have to continually remind myself of that notion.  I PRACTICE yoga.  I continually strive to be better at it.  But sometimes, I forget about the “Practice” part, and I try too hard to be Perfect…which is how I’ve ended up with two yoga injuries six months apart.

How can something that is GOOD for me turn ugly?  Well, let me tell you, it ain’t easy.

My Yoga Story

My interest in yoga began eight years ago when my daughter, home on break, asked me to go with her to a Beginners Workshop on the other side of town.  I went, I got hooked.  Over time I have progressed from doing a few poses (or asanas) purely for the stretch value to now practicing intermediate yoga asanas to calm my mind, practice my breathing, and strengthen my ability to be fully present.

The whole point of yoga (which translates as “union”) is to help one connect body, mind, heart, and soul; and to accept and work with one’s limitations.  It is about acceptance.

Oh, and did I mention that when you practice yoga regularly it tones muscles, improves balance, dramatically increases core strength, and FEELS fabulous?  Yes, and that is where I get in trouble.

I REALLY like that physically fit thing.  So, when I do a downward dog, I REALLY do a down dog.  And the leg stretch in Warrior poses?  I have to stretch to the max, and do a PERFECT pose, like the guys in the pictures in Yoga Journal.  Which is how I injured my hips doing yoga last year… and why I now have shoulder problems.

Yes, I over-yoga’d.    Sigh.

Do you REALLY need to be Perfect?

Have you ever done something like that?  Gotten yourself so wrapped up in something you do that you just have to be PERFECT?  Hey, don’t deny it, you have.  It may not have been yoga.  Maybe it was soccer.  Or being the perfect spouse.  Or perfect parent.  or completing the P90X program - twice.  Or gardening to excess.  Or obssessing about fat/sugar/salt in your diet.  Or getting all As in school.  Or playing World of Warcraft.  Or being PERFECTLY Happy?

It’s not about the physical part, it’s about the conversation of needing/wanting to be perfect, to do it right, to follow it all the way to the end.

Be Perfect ABOUT your Practice

Exercising my body, in the end, is not about being perfect — it is about being fully present to the process what’s going on with me.  Being present means that I cannot come onto the yoga mat with an “agenda.” It can actually harm me to be too “determined,” about always getting it “right.” A better approach, I am reminded by one of my teachers, is to approach my yoga practice with equal parts patience and persistence, and to say, “I will do the best that I can, with what I have, today.”

And that is such a lovely approach to… well, just about everything: sports, school, parenting, marriage, diet, video games, and even happiness.  You’ll simply never get it perfect every time, but you CAN be perfect in your practice, always learning, always getting back up and trying again when you fall.

So, as I nurse my inflamed shoulder back to health, I have learned how to modify my down dog so I’m no longer hyperextending my shoulder.  I’m kinder to my hips when I stretch.  And I don’t expect myself to be happy ALL the time.

But I keep practicing!

Do you get “typical results” from your life?

As part of my Marketing homework, I’ve been studying online sales sites - you know, those really long web pages that tell you everything possible about a product or service, with a Buy Now button at the bottom of the page.

A feature common to most such sites is Testimonials, usually from people who achieved to-die-for results:

• I made a bajillion dollars in five minutes after I bought this system!
• I lost 100 pounds reduced my body fat to 2% in just six weeks!
• I got over 1000 applications for my new program in one day!

And so on.  I’m sure you’ve all seen sites like these.  Usually there’s a note tucked discreetly into a dark corner that reminds readers that ‘your results may not be typical.’  Then, I came across this refreshingly candid Disclaimer, on  a site that offers a four-phase workout program:

Please read our awesome disclaimer:  Due to recent statements from the FTC, it is required that we identify what a “typical” result is.  The truth: most people never do anything with the products they buy, so most of the time, their typical results are zero.  The biggest factor is you.  Don’t do drugs; stay in school.  There is no such thing as a Silver Bullet.  I bet this disclaimer would make a good rap song

Typical results are ZERO.  Wow.  Of course, the person who is about to type in their credit card information is thinking, “that’s not me.  I’ll do this.  I’m not like ‘those other people.’   Really?

I’ve read that over 40% of books purchased never get read, and that rate rises to 75% for books downloaded from the Internet.   29% of patients prescribed antibiotics fail to complete the full course of treatment, often because they forget.  Personal trainers report that as many as 25% of appointments are no-shows — even when they’ve already paid for the session!

Fact is, we are creatures of habit, even when our habits hurt us and we desperately want to change them.  We truly WANT to exercise more, improve our minds, get well, and manage time better.  But unless we pay attention to what we are doing EVERY DAY, our new commitment slowly sinks into the muck of routine.

Make no mistake about it: if you want to change something in your life, you must be persistent.  It takes a minimum of 100 repetitions for a new behavior to start feeling ‘normal.’

So … If you want to change your attitude, your fitness level, your time management, your mood, or any other aspect of you, be aware of your human tendency to drift back to old ways.  Build in to your process some accountability checks — electronic reminders in your datebook, post-it notes on your bathroom mirror, working with a partner, having a friend check in with you, etc.  (shameless commerce division: or hire a coach!)

If you PLAN for regression, and build something into your change process to get you back on track, you’re far more likely to make a lasting change.

As the disclaimer above reads, “The biggest factor is you.”

Don’t be typical.

39 Rules for a Good Life

I received this in email at the beginning of the year &  loved it.  But I was overwhelmed with other stuff at the time, so I set it aside.  Pulled out the article today and I STILL love it (unable to find an author attribution).  It’s called Handbook 2010, but it’s more like Rules for a Good Life.

HANDBOOK 2010

Health:
1. Drink plenty of water.
2. Eat breakfast like a king, lunch like a prince and dinner like a beggar.
3. Eat more foods that grow on plants and eat less food that is manufactured in plants.
4. Live with the 3 E’s — Energy, Enthusiasm and Empathy
5. Make time to pray.
6. Play more games
7. Read more books than you did last year.
8. Sit in silence for at least 10 minutes each day
9. Sleep for 7 hours.
10. Take a 10-30 minute walk daily. And while you walk, smile.

Personality:
11. Don’t compare your life to others. You have no idea what their journey is all about.
12. Don’t have negative thoughts or things you cannot control. Instead invest your energy in the positive present moment.
13. Don’t over do. Keep your limits.
14. Don’t take yourself so seriously. No one else does.
15. Don’t waste your precious energy on gossip.
16. Dream more while you are awake
17. Envy is a waste of time. You already have all you need.
18. Forget issues of the past. Don’t remind your partner with His/her mistakes of the past. That will ruin your present happiness.
19. Life is too short to waste time hating anyone. Don’t hate others.
20. Make peace with your past so it won’t spoil the present.
21. No one is in charge of your happiness except you.
22. Realize that life is a school and you are here to learn. Problems are simply part of the curriculum that appear and fade away like algebra class but the lessons you learn will last a lifetime.
23. Smile and laugh more.
24. You don’t have to win every argument. Agree to disagree…

Society:
25. Call your family often.
26. Each day give something good to others.
27. Forgive everyone for everything..
28. Spend time w/ people over the age of 70 & under the age of 6.
29. Try to make at least three people smile each day.
30. What other people think of you is none of your business.
31. Your job won’t take care of you when you are sick. Your friends will. Stay in touch.

Life:
32. Do the right thing!
33. Get rid of anything that isn’t useful, beautiful or joyful.
34. Time heals everything.
35. However good or bad a situation is, it will change..
36. No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up.
37. The best is yet to come.
38. When you awake alive in the morning, thank your God for it.
39. Your Innermost is always happy. So, be happy.

Be Happy.  Don’t ya just love it?!

Happiness is Accepting Life as it comes

My mother turned 75 last month.  She’s in pretty good health for an old lady who raised eight kids and has 19 grandchildren.  My dad passed away 23 years ago, and Mom turned out to be quite the survivor — she went to work for Kelly Girls as a permatemp for many years, finished raising my younger siblings, and has retained her independence.

Several years ago vision problems arose, and the doctors diagnosed macular degeneration — slowly but surely she is losing her eyesight.  Still, with a huge magnifying glass and bright light she continued to read voraciously.  And as long as she still had that car in her garage, she could still manage her own life — as long as she only drove on sunny days, to destinations she already knew.

So she kept the car — carrying the insurance and maintenance costs on her limited budget, because of what the car stood for.  This disease is progressive, however, and despite all treatments, Mom recently came to terms with the fact that she is a danger to self and others on the road.  The car had to go.

On a beautiful sunny day last week she took the car out for one last trip to her hairdresser.  When she returned, she turned the keys over to Brandon, a great guy who’s been dating my niece, Elizabeth.  Brandon needed a new car, and who can pass up a deal like this one — the car is ten years old, only has 20,000 miles on it, and was (literally!) only driven by a little old lady to the local mall, church on Sundays… and her hairdresser.

Grandma Mary Ann has cheerfully moved on to the next phase of her life — a little more dependent on others, yet still independent… and always still Smilin’!

P.S.  She does NOT color her hair. I hope I still have that much dark hair on my head 22 years from now!

Happiness is Watching Your Child Succeed, Part 3

My eldest child, Kelly (a regular reader of this blog), has been bugging me since I started it, asking, “when are you gonna write a column about ME?”  For a long time I put her off by pointing out that this is my professional blog, not personal.  Well, since I recently wrote about BOTH of her brothers, I clearly can’t use that excuse any more.  So to keep peace in the family :)  I will write today’s post about her.

This is Kelly Smith Gibson.  After graduating from the University of Notre Dame, she attended med school at the University of Pennsylvania in Philadelphia.  She married a wonderful young man from Seattle in December 2007 in a ceremony that took place in the Basilica at the Notre Dame campus, which is where they met.

Today, she and Paul live nearby and Kelly is a first-year resident in an OB/Gyn program that is run jointly by Metro General Hospital and the Cleveland Clinic.  She delivers babies.  Lots of babies.  A lot of the babies she delivers are born to moms in high-risk pregnancy situations, like those who are very young, very old, and those who have diabetes or other complicating health conditions.  Metro boasts one of the finest high-risk pregnancy units in the country, and I know that Kelly is very proud to be a part of the team there.

Not all is a bed of roses for Kelly.  Students who graduate from Med School in the United States carry a huge debt load.  I get nosebleeds just thinking about how much money she owes in student loans.  Residents work 80-90 hours a week – including a LOT of nights and 24-hour weekend shifts — for not a lot of money.  And she has to study constantly – huge big textbooks and journals and new research into exciting topics like female cancers and rates of morbidity for high-risk pregnancies, and so on.  And hubby Paul just got laid off from his job last week as an Actuarial Analyst for a consulting firm.  And the liability insurance premiums for Obstetricians is a scary number – OB’s have to deliver a ton of babies each year just to pay for their insurance.

AND she and Paul are a very happy and engaging couple whom my wife and feel blessed to count as our friends.

So, Kelly, this is your blog post.  Now the whole world (of my subscribers, anyway) know what a great person you are and how proud I am of you and your accomplishments.

Can we be done, now?

And NO, I’m not writing a post about your dog.

The Secret to Living Longer

Last weekend I delivered my “Five Prescriptions for Happiness” talk at the annual Reunion Weekend for the Baldwin Wallace College chapter of Alpha Gamma Delta.  Most of the attendees were current students or recent graduates; there were also a few tables of alumnae with babies in strollers; and a smattering of alums my age.

The Sunday afternoon event capped a day that had started with a fund-raising walk for a local charity and included a festive lunch and celebration, so the mood in the room was quite high.  The women readily engaged in the discussion and the short activities that are part of the talk.

Near the end of my talk, I have the entire audience on their feet for an activity that demonstrates the Mind-Body connection, and this group loved it.  Since I was the closing event for the weekend, the group was adjourned a few mins after my talk ended, and I was surrounded for a few minutes by smiling young women who came over to thank me for delivering such an upbeat message.

Behind the crowd I noticed an older woman waiting patiently for her turn to speak with me.  Eventually the hubbub subsided and she came forward.

“Young man,” she started (I was immediately in love with her – at age 53 I don’t get called ‘young man’ very often anymore!).  “Young man, I agree with everything you say, and I think you’re the best speaker we’ve ever had at this event.”

“Thank you,” I replied politely.  And then a question: “and how many of these have you attended?”  Every single one, it turns out.  Which is a lot.  She and I fell into a longer conversation.

Margaret is 95 years old, and was a 1934 graduate of Baldwin Wallace College.  She is apparently a cultural icon in the BW Alpha Gamma Delta community.  She maintains an active involvement in the chapter; each fall she hosts a barbeque dinner at her house for the chapter and their new initiates…and has been doing so for a LONG time.

She comes across as bright, energetic, and much younger than her chronology would indicate.  I remarked on that.  Her response: “Do you want to know the secret to living a long and happy life?”  “Absolutely!” I declared.

“The secret to living longer is to have friends who are younger.  And now that I’m 95, I have no choice” she said with a wink and a smile.

She’s 95 and stays young by hanging out with 20 year olds – and by keeping her sense of humour sharp.  How cool is that?!

Happiness and the No-Soda Diet

So, I ran into a friend of mine at the YMCA today.  I see him from behind fairly often, as I walk past the treadmills that he so loves, but it’s been awhile since we chatted face to face.

There was something different about him.  Hmmm.  I could not, at first, figure it out

Oh!  There was less of him!  That was it.

Paul has been carrying around an ever-growing belly for the past ten years, since he had to retire on disability after his macular degeneration rendered him unable to read.  Even though he runs at the gym four or five days a week while closing in on his black belt in Karate, there’s been more of him every month.

“I lost 26 pounds since the holidays,” Paul proudly proclaimed.

“Wow,” I said.  “I know you already run several miles a day and are constantly running through your karate workouts.  What ELSE have you added to lose so much weight that fast?”

One thing, Paul explained: “I stopped drinking soda”  (actually, he used the name of a specific brand, but I don’t want to diss a cultural icon in my blog).  He’s spent a great deal of time in the past decade watching television and drinking soda all day – an average of 4 cans every day.

He changed NOTHING else in his diet or exercise regimen except that he swapped out soda for tap water.  BOOM, he dropped 720 calories a day from his diet, and that has translated into the loss of one pound about five days.  Like clockwork, he says – “it’s been falling off of me.”

Other bonuses, adds Paul, include, “I’m sleeping better at night, and my knee stopped hurting when I run.”

Fascinating.  He is SO very happy.

My public rant:

Fact: the human body does not ‘register’ calories taken in liquid form the same way as when calories are consumed in solid food; food fills us up and invokes a “stop eating” response, where liquids do not.  Thus high-calorie drinks like sodas, energy drinks, and high-fructose-infused juices are invisible to our systems.  Yet a even a One-can-every-day habit (at 180 calories per can) means your body’s taking in 65,700 unregistered calories, translating into 18.7 pounds per year.

Think about it.  Consider the No-Soda diet.

Remember, you heard about it here, first.