Come To Work Happy

A reader from Singapore sent me this cartoon.  Happiness in the workplace is a global concern.  In an era of cost-cutting and bad news, this presents a clever, low-cost strategy for improving morale **

**Funny, yes?  The thing is, studies have shown that even FAKE SMILES can have an impact on mood.  That stems in part from the ‘fake it till you make it’ reality of the Mind-Body connection — when we act a part long enough, we eventually grow into the emotion, so smiling when you don’t feel it will, after a few minutes, lift your spirits a bit because you emotion races to match what you’re doing w/ your body.

The other reason why the Fake Smile exercise works is that other people are more likely to smile back at you when you wear a smile. Because we humans are emotionally contagious, others’ good feelings rub off on you, lightening your own mood a bit.  Cool, huh?!

A Smile really is a powerful weapon in the fight against negativity at work!

Creating Brand YOU on Social Media

Hey, this is just a quick note to all of you who are working on your presence in the world of Social Media.  This is ‘old news’ already in some circles, but may still be very relevant for you.  ~10 days ago Facebook opened up the opportunity for users to get their own vanity URL — just like the celebrities & the big dogs!

Right now your Facebook link probably looks something like this: http://www.facebook.com/people/whosa-ma-whatsis/45678348 (not a real link).  But now you can have this URL: http://www.facebook.com/yourname Cool, huh?

Log onto Facebook and then go to http://www.facebook.com/username You’ll be able to check availability and obtain your own name.

Example:  Of course, w/ a name like Jim Smith, my name was long gone   :(   But I reserved my company name, so now I can send people to www.Facebook.com/TheExecutiveHappinessCoach If you are trying to build a brand for your business, this is pretty powerful stuff.

AND for those who have a LinkedIn account, you should know that you can customize your URL at at LinkedIn, as well.  Again, an example is that I changed mine to www.LinkedIn.com/in/theexecutivehappinesscoach You can do the same.  On the left menu, choose Edit My Profile.  then on the profile page at bottom of first section where it reads Public Profile, click on the [edit] hyperlink next to the URL that shows there.  On the next page, the top item will be Custom URL — click on the [edit] hyperlink once again, and you can customize your URL.  If you have a Brand and want to ’show up’ in all your social media venues in the same way, this is a great tool.

And if you’re just you, well… remember that YOU are a brand.  This sort of customizing plays well if you’re looking for a job, trying to establish yourself in a career, etc.

Just passing along the tip.

In happiness, J

Happiness is Watching Your Child Succeed, Part 3

My eldest child, Kelly (a regular reader of this blog), has been bugging me since I started it, asking, “when are you gonna write a column about ME?”  For a long time I put her off by pointing out that this is my professional blog, not personal.  Well, since I recently wrote about BOTH of her brothers, I clearly can’t use that excuse any more.  So to keep peace in the family :)  I will write today’s post about her.

This is Kelly Smith Gibson.  After graduating from the University of Notre Dame, she attended med school at the University of Pennsylvania in Philadelphia.  She married a wonderful young man from Seattle in December 2007 in a ceremony that took place in the Basilica at the Notre Dame campus, which is where they met.

Today, she and Paul live nearby and Kelly is a first-year resident in an OB/Gyn program that is run jointly by Metro General Hospital and the Cleveland Clinic.  She delivers babies.  Lots of babies.  A lot of the babies she delivers are born to moms in high-risk pregnancy situations, like those who are very young, very old, and those who have diabetes or other complicating health conditions.  Metro boasts one of the finest high-risk pregnancy units in the country, and I know that Kelly is very proud to be a part of the team there.

Not all is a bed of roses for Kelly.  Students who graduate from Med School in the United States carry a huge debt load.  I get nosebleeds just thinking about how much money she owes in student loans.  Residents work 80-90 hours a week – including a LOT of nights and 24-hour weekend shifts — for not a lot of money.  And she has to study constantly – huge big textbooks and journals and new research into exciting topics like female cancers and rates of morbidity for high-risk pregnancies, and so on.  And hubby Paul just got laid off from his job last week as an Actuarial Analyst for a consulting firm.  And the liability insurance premiums for Obstetricians is a scary number – OB’s have to deliver a ton of babies each year just to pay for their insurance.

AND she and Paul are a very happy and engaging couple whom my wife and feel blessed to count as our friends.

So, Kelly, this is your blog post.  Now the whole world (of my subscribers, anyway) know what a great person you are and how proud I am of you and your accomplishments.

Can we be done, now?

And NO, I’m not writing a post about your dog.

Happiness is Watching Your Child Succeed, Part 2

I am so excited!  My oldest son got engaged last weekend to a wonderful young woman who makes him very happy.

In the improbable manner of the world, Justin (from Cleveland) met Katie (from

Pittsburgh) while they were attending a Second City Improv workshop (in Chicago) two summers ago.  Apparently it was love at first sight.

Justin moved to Nashville to be near Katie for her last year of college, and it’s been great fun to watch their relationship mature.  This child of ours lives a great deal of his life in an Improvisational mode – making it up as he goes along.  Katie is graduating this month from Belmont University in Nashville as a Theatre major, and her dream is to land a spot on Saturday Night Live as an Improv artist.  Thus, she makes a perfect match for Justin.

I loved watching this all from the sidelines, noticing that Romance is far from dead in this turbulent world.  Justin honored the tradition of asking Katie’s parents for their blessing.  He then made them co-conspirators in his plan when they sent him a gold cuff link that was momento from Katie’s beloved grandfather.  Justin had the diamond in that cuff link turned into a one-of-a-kind Claddagh ring (see photo).

Then he planned a trip with Katie and plotted with friends to arrange for music, sparklers, and videotaping of the proposal, which happened when they “coincidentally” made their way down the same Chicago street where they’d had their first kiss.

In the manner of Millennials, the engagement was first announced on Katie’s Facebook page, of course!

We’re looking forward to a very happy event in the summer of 2010.  J

Nothing is Good or Bad

“…there is nothing either good or bad, but thinking makes it so.”
Hamlet, Act II Scene 2

This quote from Shakespeare is one of my all-time favorites… and defines a foundational element of my coaching practice and life philosophy.

Events are just events.  Stuff happens.  That’s it.

THEN…we create a story to explain that event.  In our “story” we interpret what happened and make up reasons why it happened, and that story evokes an emotional response from us… and suddenly an event is labeled: good, bad, ugly.  And we feel sadness, optimism, fear, anger, appreciation, frustration, concern, etc

Not from the event, but from our thinking about the event.

In the past week I’ve coincidentally had two separate coaching conversations in which the subject was betrayal – one work-related, the other personal.  Both parties showed up in the coaching conversation with a bubbling stew of negative emotions — Which they’d cooked up themselves, by the way.  And in both cases I coached them to step away from their story and examine a few others.

Example: Another person (X) failed to keep a promise (this is a fact).

Possible interpretations:

• (original story) X has harmed me.  X did it on purpose to hurt me.  I’m angry.  X is always trying to make me look bad.  What have I ever done to deserve such treatment?  I’m gonna watch for my opportunity to get back at X….  (down the path to rage and vengeance)
• X let me down.  I feel betrayed.  I have this big presentation coming up, and now I’m not ready, because of X.  This is going to be a disaster (down the path of embarrassment)
• X has harmed me.  That’s not like X; this is unusual.  I hope everything is OK with X.  Maybe I should give X a call (down the path of concern/empathy)
• X is so unreliable.  Why did I ever believe X would do as promised?  I am such an idiot for ever believing X.  Why am I so stupid?  I’m so bad at reading people.  (down the path of self-loathing)
• This is the third time this has happened with X.  I need to sit down with X and understand why this is happening.  I must renegotiate the promise (down the path to determination)
• The track record of X shows that promises made by X are not meaningful.  I did not really expect X to deliver.  So this is no big deal.  I’ll just have to complete it myself in time for the presentation.  (down the path to acceptance)

Each of these is a valid interpretation.  Notice how each one, however, creates a very different emotion and response.

I’m not ever saying that one story is ‘more true’ than another…I just invite my client to explore other possible stories, and consider if there are valid explanations other than the one that they are hanging on to that is harming them and keeping their emotional stew on a slow boil.

In this particular situation, my client – after creating the above options – chose to pursue the path of determination, and instead of simmering in her office she sat down with X to express disappointment and then immediately renegotiate (“what’s it going to take to have this done by tomorrow at end of day?”).  She realized that hanging on to her anger was hurting only her.  X was blissfully unaware of the concern, and when approached about the broken promise X apologized and confessed to not realizing how important the project was.

So in the end, much of her original story was fiction, and the emotional stew was self-cooked.

Creating Your Own Good from Bad

Does the above ever happen to you?  (of course it does.  You’re human!).  So when you find yourself sitting in assessment and stewing in your own emotional juices, turn down the heat!  Step out of the situation for a moment and consider OTHER possible stories and interpretations for the event.  Maybe select a different story that allows you more control of the situation, and lets go of blaming the other person for your own emotional reaction.

And then take a deep breath.  Remember, it’s only your thinking that makes it good or bad.  So change your thinking when you need to, and have a happier day.

Communicating Unhappy News

As more and more companies must make the difficult decision to reduce staff and send people packing, I’ve had many leaders come to me and ask for advice on what to tell people when they ask questions. When people suspect a lay off is pending, they shift into constant anxiety.

Yet too many top leaders, for their own reasons, insist on “keeping mum” as the official management policy. And it’s the leaders who are frustrated with that policy who come to me and ask, ‘what should I do?’

I usually tell them, “you may be asking the wrong person!” I’ve gotten myself in trouble on numerous occasions for sharing information with my team that was not “supposed” to be shared. Of course, on the flip side, I’ve generally had great trusting relationships with my teams, whether I was running a 12-person financial unit or a 100-member service team. So it’s a balancing game: please the boss and support secrecy, or improve loyalty and retention of team members. It’s not been a difficult choice for me, ever… but just so you know.

By now I’m sure you’ve guessed my counsel to those managers. Here’s my philosophy: In the absence of news, people will make up their own. Do you want them to believe the rumors or the truth? I also passionately believe that people prefer to hear difficult news directly from their manager. When you are sharing the bad news as well as the good news, people trust you more and won’t be looking for hidden agendas.

Plus, I happen to subscribe to the ‘they are all adults’ story… and they are not stupid or blind, so pretending nothing is happening is simply not a smart option.

Bruce Hennes is a local Crisis Communications expert — he goes in to help companies when big things blow up.  While his work is generally around embarrassment and scandal, I love how his tips for great crisis communication work for many common issues, as well.  Bruce’s coaching around any sort of bad news is to NEVER, EVER try to keep it secret — it will only blow up on you. So his top three rules are:

1. Tell the Truth (they are going to discover it, anyway!)
2. Be the First (let them hear it from you, not from others)
3. Tell it all (share what is known)*

*About #3: don’t wait till you have all the facts. Tell what you do know — and what you don’t know. And if you’re sharing opinion or conjecture, make it clear that it’s just your opinion/guess. That way if reality pans out differently, people will still trust you.

Bruce says that the more YOU talk about an issue (following the above), the faster it goes away.  But once the rumor mill (or the media) have it, they will make up anything that’s missing, and sometimes the story they create is much worse than the Truth!

Over the past month I ‘ve coached leaders at two companies thru this very process.  At one organization they had to eventually lay off 20% of their workforce, but the process was going to take two weeks to fully develop. I urged them to keep sharing everything that was firmly decided as it was decided (rather than waiting till the last minute as people were being sent home), and everyone — those laid off and those who survived — felt much better about the process. Sad? Yes. Betrayed? No.

For many who work in organizations today, the news is grim and the conversations difficult.  How can you keep from falling into depression?

Here’s how: Pay attention to how you’re carrying yourself. You and your coworkers/team may not be able to control the business, but you can always control you, how you respond, etc. You can still be an optimist. Some things are falling apart, yes, AND some things are still working. What you give the most attention to will determine your ability to function and lead through it all.

In happiness, J

Tough Choice

I could not resist pulling this two-minute video onto my blog.  It resonated with me because, of all the leadership challenges that come up in coaching and training conversations, this is the most common area of concern (I can’t tell you more without giving away the twist).

This is part of a new series of humorous looks at Crucial Conversations posted by Vital Smarts.  It’s certainly a novel way of getting out the word!

Now that you’ve watched it, we can talk.

I deliver several different workshops on Communication and Coaching, and the PA conversation seems always to be at the heart of “concerns.” Sad, AND true.

Truly, how many of you carry this same perception of the Performance Appraisal experience? Guess what — LOTS of people feel this way.

Thanks goodness we can laugh about it. Now, what might we DO about it, so this is not such an unhappy process for so many people? How might we show up differently as leaders so that it’s an easy choice?

Something to think about.

Employee Happiness Kit

<<Oh, this was too precious to pass up!  Jim>>

Memo from Management:

All employees will be required to look happy while at work.

Here is the new low cost, company approved solution
to cope with multiple priorities and assignments!

Each employee will be supplied 2 paper clips and rubber bands. (See Fig 1.)

Fig 1.

Assemble items as shown in Fig 2.

Fig 2.

Apply as shown in Fig 3.

Fig 3.

Enjoy your day.
This new office equipment will help you to reach
the end of a productive work day with a smile on your face!

Cheers!
The Management

Yes And, Happiness, and Leadership

Are you familiar with the concept, from improv theater, of “yes, and…”?  It’s a skill that is useful in leadership and in life.  It helps if you’re on stage giving a presentation to 100 people, and it helps when you are in conversation with one person.  I teach this concept in my communication training and my coaching.

Last week my friend and creativity colleague, Michelle James, wrote of the concept in an article entitled Accepting versus Agreeing.  I loved the distinction she created, and am reprinting a portion of it here, as I believe Acceptance is a fundamental emotion related to Happiness — if I can accept what is, I have greater capacity to experience happiness even when things are not going exactly as I wish they would.

You can read Michelle’s entire newsletter at CreativeEmergence.com

~~~~~~~~~~~~

Accepting versus Agreeing

One of the core principles of improvisational theater is “Yes And” - which means accepting (the YES) whatever is given (called “offers”) and adding a new piece of information (the AND). It is the cornerstone of improv, and that which help improvisers keep the creativity going in the face of the unknown - with no plans, scripts or strategies.

When I bring Applied Improv principles and practices to organizations, inevitably someone says, “But what if you really DON’T agree with the idea that is offered? Some ideas are simply not good ideas.” A valid case.

There are points I would like to address to that regard: first, the practice of “Yes-Anding” as a creativity technique is used more in the divergence (expanding and generating) part of the creative process. Among a host of other things, yes-anding helps open up the “playing field” for more possibilities and novel connections that otherwise would never have been engaged by the conventional approach of finding out all the reasons an idea will not work. Once you get into the convergence (discerning and focusing) part of the creative process, then you begin to use the “no’s” as appropriate to discern what will and will not work based upon the objectives and the parameters of your focus.

The second point is more subtle. It is the difference between accepting the “offer” and agreeing with it. In improv, it does not matter what you personally think about the offer - or the person offering it - you accept it. You may disagree, but you still accept it and add to it. By doing so, you are not saying, “I love your idea!” Instead, you are engaging in the experiment of taking a seed idea and creating forth something new with it. In doing so, more often than not, an entirely unexpected direction will emerge that is better than anyone could have imagined. With clear intention of purpose, a “bad idea” that is accepted and “anded” can transform into a spot-on relevant innovation just a few “ands” later. To an improviser, all offers are gifts.

Perhaps more significantly, the art of acceptance is profound when practiced with groups and work teams. Accepting what someone is saying creates a feeling of safety. Once the ground of safety is established, members of the group will allow themselves to take more creative risks, to experiment more, to think more expansively…which leads to more novel and workable ideas. You don’t have to agree with someone’s point of view to honor that it is theirs. The payoff: you get more flow from the creative well. In a time when innovation is the big buzzword, the practice of accepting - regardless of agreeing - is one more tool for the creative toolbox.

Advice for Happier Performance Appraisals

This is a busy season for Performance Appraisal (PA) discussions, and this topic’s come up with several clients recently.  Anxiety seems to be the most common emotion associated with PAs, both on the part of the receiver and the writer/manager.

A little anxiety running up to the conversation can be helpful  — it will keep you alert and engaged during all the discussions.  Once the conversation starts, however, you don’t want to be trying to speak and listen from a body of anxiety.  Your primary filter in anxiety (a low grade version of fear) is, “This person may be wanting to do me harm, so I must be vigilant.”  How can anyone be a good listener when THAT conversation is going on inside one’s head, and the body is sitting on the edge of a fight/flight/freeze response?

So I offer two pieces of advice, one for you if you are a manager/writer of the review, and one for if you are the subject of a PA (and many of you find yourself in both roles, I’m sure!).   This comes out of my personal experience — 20 years of leading over 400 performance review conversations, during which time I made my share of mistakes and learned a whole heck of a lot of great ways to create a positive conversation even when the news is difficult:

For the manager/writer

Whether you are delivering good or bad news, praise or corrective steering advice, always respect the PERSON.  You may disagree w/ their opinion; don’t be disagreeable.  You may think your assessment is superior to theirs; don’t forget to listen, hear them out, even as you choose to disagree with their assessment. In every way possible, seek to make it a a conversation/dialogue rather than a monologue.

When you find your emotions rising up (anger, anxiety, irritation) remember to sit back, take a deep breathe, and let your body settle down before you continue.  As the saying goes, “People will forget what you say but they will never forget how you made them feel.”

For the receiver of feedback

Remember that you are human, and that you are not perfect.  No, your boss is not perfect, either, but that’s not point.  The business purpose of Performance Appraisal is to assess contribution to the business and to grow capacity for the future.  It’s a business tool, not a massage.

If you arrive in a PA conversation believing that the purpose of the exercise is to feed your ego, you will be disappointed.  If, however, you arrive with an eagerness to talk about what more you can do to learn, improve, grow, and otherwise increase your value to the company, you’re far more likely to “hear” any critical feedback as a GIFT to you.  After all, if all anyone shares with you is praise, you’ll miss the opportunity to grow!

Even if your manager does a clumsy job of delivering feedback (and a lot of them do), try to get past their delivery to the nuggets of helpful information.   It’s YOUR responsibility, after all, to build your skills and your career.

OH, and the same advice to you about breathing:  When you find your emotions rising up (anger, anxiety, defensiveness) remember to sit back, take a deep breathe, and let your body settle down before you continue.  And remember:  It may be personal, but that doesn’t mean you have to take it personally. 

I hope this is helpful for your discussions!

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