What helps you keep your Commitments?

Over the weekend I spent time preparing for one of my volunteer roles, as retreat leader for the Junior class at the high school my four kids attended from 1996 to 2005 (they graduated, I stayed on!)

Part of that job involves training 18 teen Team Leaders to facilitate their peers in several difficult exercises.  Today’s teens live amidst far more distractions than ever, so this year I began requesting a written commitment to the time and practice required to be fully prepared.

Many on the team told me, after the fall retreat, that having to make a commitment to a non-teacher, non-parent adult helped them stay focused on the “homework” necessary to be successful at the retreat.

What helps you to meet your commitments to yourself? 

• If it’s enrolling coworkers to keep you focused, how many conversations have you held and how many requests have you made?
• If it’s “reporting in” to a coach or partner to create a place of accountability, have you checked in recently?
• If it’s keeping a log or journal of your progress, what have you written, today?
• If it’s maintaining a physical practice to build new awareness in your body or emotions, have you done it at least once, today?

Act on your commitment.  Today.  

Are You a Maximizer? Part 2

See Part 1 to assess where you are on the continuum.

What are the implications for how you make choices when you are in a Leadership role?

The Maximizer in you can make a great manager when you leverage your thoroughness, are careful about decisions, and hold your teams to high standards. On the extreme end, however, you can come across as a controlling perfectionist who is impossible to please and who overanalyzes everything.

Satisfiers’ strengths as managers can be your flexibility, your speedier decision-making, and your willingness to set general criteria without obsessing about the details. If your Satisfier is on steroids, you may be too willing to settle quickly, fail to review decisions made, or accept mediocrity.

The best leaders recognize that a balanced and flexible style works best. Sometimes the project or decision really IS important, and in those circumstances it is important to follow the details closely and progress carefully at every stage.  Let’s face it, though – most of the work done in organizations needs to be done well, not perfectly.

So the best approach, which lies halfway between Satisfying and Maximizing, is to work with your team to set very clear expectations about outcomes and deadlines – the WHAT you want – but then leave the smart people you hired to identify the path they will follow  — the HOW — to meet those expectations, without you watching over their shoulders or demanding perfection at every step

Remember, Leadership is not about a title: Anyone can be a leader who adjusts their decision-making style based on the relative importance of a the work – knowing when to hold high standards and take it slowly & carefully, and when to allow flexibility and focus on progress vs. perfection.

TIPS FOR AN UNHAPPY WORKFORCE

Most employees are already Unhappy, so it doesn’t take much effort to nudge them into Insecurity, as well. Here’s a quick reminder of how easy it is to keep your ungrateful subordinates in their place: under your control.**

1. Keep Them Guessing. Tell them nothing that’s not essential to their tiny little jobs.  First, it’s none of their business.  Second, they’re probably too stupid to understand important business concepts like you do.
2. Watch Them Like a Hawk. Show them why they can’t be Trusted.  Check their bags for smuggled company pens.  When you spot phone numbers of friends or family on the call log, highlight those and send an invoice; as a convenience, offer to dock their pay rather than requiring a bank check.
3. Isolation is Your Best Offense. When you see coworkers talking, tell them that sharing ANY company information is a terminable offense.  Don’t communicate with other departments; if no one knows what you do, it will be easier to act hurt or outraged when your budget gets cut.
4. Leverage Fear to Keep Your Calendar Clear. To minimize useless meetings, loudly slam things around when you’re in your office alone.  If you don’t have walls, put on your headset and pretend you are screaming on conference calls.  Avoid eye contact with underlings – it creates false hope that you are approachable.
5. Remind Them Why You’re the Boss. When you know the answer to a problem, say it quickly so you can demonstrate how smart you are.  If you don’t know the answer, sit back and let them solve it, then point out your excellent facilitation skills.

Remember, It’s ALL about the Title: Who needs to learn leadership skills when fear, intimidation, and the exercise of raw power can get the job done with less effort?  Tell your people to get happy on their own time, not yours.

**P.S. Note from Jim: I did NOT have to make up any of this. Each of these bad behaviors came from stories shared by audience members.  Hopefully none of them work for you!

Be Kind, Not Nice

I recently received a bit of wisdom from a colleague of mine, and it was very important in a conversation I had today with a client, so I”m passing on to you.

First, an important distinction between being NICE and being KIND

Nice is about what the other person is thinking and feeling–it’s their perception of the situation.

Kind is about what you choose to do and why.

When you want to be nice it’s because you want to please the other person; you want everyone to be happy. When you want to be kind it’s because you want to do what is right regardless of how other people feel about it. Nice is permissive. Kind is grace-based discipline

If I want to be nice to my children I will give them what they want, not do what is needed, seek to please them and hope they like me. If I want to be kind to my children I will give them blessings, do what they need, seek to teach them and hope they learn. Nice manipulates. Kindness trains.

What is the lesson for leadership and life?

When you fail to provide critical steering feedback to a team member who is heading down the wrong path, you are being nice.  They will go home and feel good about you and the workplace.  When you intentionally create an UNCOMFORTABLE conversation in which you share your observations and engage that person around improving, you are being Kind.  For if no one tells them, how will they know of the issue?

If you have a friend who’s lost their job, it’s probably important to be Nice to them for a short time. Let them cry on your couch.  Invite them over for drinks and a chance to vent about the mean old company.  But don’t be nice forever.  As a friend, you must be Kind, and look your friend in the eyes and say, “You need to find a job, and you can’t do that from your couch.  I’m happy to help you create a more positive story about your last boss, but I’m not going to listen to the old story anymore.  It’s time, my friend, to get over it.”

If you really, truly want what’s best for yourself and for others, think beyond what will allow everyone to feel good about THIS conversation. Instead, think ahead and, if necessary, step into a NEW conversation that may feel uncomfortable, yet will provide the push or shove or difficult feedback — and support — for what is needed in the future.

Be Kind, not Nice.

Don’t Use these Four Dirty Words at Work!

Here are four words that you should not tolerate in the workplace:

FAKE – this is toxic for a leader.  If you do not show up in an Authentic way, people will sense it.  Be genuine.

FEAR – when we are uncomfortable, we tend to withdraw.  Leaders must step into the DIScomfort of difficult conversations, doing what is right in the face of their fear.

FINE – is the enemy of great.  When someone tells you they are “fine,” sit down and find out what’s wrong, or what you can do to help them move forward.  If the project status is “fine,” seek what will make it fabulous or excellent!

FAIL – if you cannot tolerate failure, you stifle learning.  Give permission — to self and others — to fail forward.

Remember, Leadership is not about a title: Anyone can be a leader who refuses to accept from their teammates anything less than their best — and who allows people to fail as part of the learning process!

Leadership as Art: Envision the Future

Often we speak of improving some aspect of the workplace, but because the world is moving so fast we believe we must do EVERYTHING while in full sprint mode.  While “making it up as you go” is a legitimate strategy sometimes, is it the best approach to building your future?

Stop.  Take a breath. Put some words on paper to anchor your plan.  Get in front of a blank whiteboard and Draw the new flow.  First, envision the future!

Next, do it in miniature to understand how it will work. Let others see the work so they can start to buy in to your vision.  Implement just parts of the idea to set a framework; or roll out the whole idea in just one part of the organization.  Adjust your vision based on what you learn in executing the “miniature.”

THEN pick up your brush and paints and go to work on the big canvas…

Remember, Leadership is not about a title: Anyone can be a leader who is willing to step back from the daily rush, take a breath, and create the space to “play” with a goal until it feels very clear and familiar.

P.S. If you currently lead a company or division and seek a way to create real change, real fast, you may be interested in our unique Rapid Culture Assimilation™ process, which starts with vision clarity and brings it to life via a series of expanding Conversations across the organization.  You can learn more about the process here.

What are you planting for your future?

I recently took inspiration from a retelling of this story, which speaks to the power of Integrity.

The Emperor and The Seed (unattributed)

Once there was an emperor in the Far East who was growing old and knew it was coming time to choose his successor. Instead of choosing one of his assistants or one of his own children, he decided to do something different.

He called all the young people in the kingdom together one day. He said, “It has come time for me to step down and to choose the next emperor. I have decided to choose one of you.” The people were shocked! But the emperor continued. “I am going to give each one of you a seed today. One seed. It is a very special seed. I want you to go home, plant the seed, water it and come back here one year from today with what you have grown from this one seed. I will then judge the plants that you bring to me, and the one I choose will be the next emperor of the kingdom!”

There was one boy named Ling who was there that day and he, like the others, received a seed. He went home and excitedly told his mother the whole story. She helped him get a pot and some planting soil, and he planted the seed and watered it carefully. Every day he would water it and watch to see if it had grown.

After about three weeks, some of the other youths began to talk about their seeds and the plants that were beginning to grow. Ling kept going home and checking his seed, but nothing ever grew.

Three weeks, four weeks, five weeks went by. Still nothing.

By now others were talking about their plants but Ling didn’t have a plant, and he felt like a failure. Six months went by, still nothing in Ling’s pot. He just knew he had killed his seed.

Everyone else had trees and tall plants, but he had nothing. Ling didn’t say anything to his friends, however. He just kept waiting for his seed to grow.

A year finally went by and all the youths of the kingdom brought their plants to the emperor for inspection. Ling told his mother that he wasn’t going to take an empty pot. But she encouraged him to go, and to take his pot, and to be honest about what happened. Ling felt sick to his stomach, but he knew his mother was right. He took his empty pot to the palace.

When Ling arrived, he was amazed at the variety of plants grown by all the other youths. They were beautiful, in all shapes and sizes. Ling put his empty pot on the floor and many of the other kinds laughed at him. A few felt sorry for him and just said, “Hey nice try.”

When the emperor arrived, he surveyed the room and greeted the young people. Ling just tried to hide in the back. “My, what great plants, trees and flowers you have grown,” said the emperor. “Today, one of you will be appointed the next emperor!”

All of a sudden, the emperor spotted Ling at the back of the room with his empty pot. He ordered his guards to bring him to the front. Ling was terrified. “The emperor knows I’m a failure! Maybe he will have me killed!”

When Ling got to the front, the Emperor asked his name. “My name is Ling,” he replied. All the kids were laughing and making fun of him. The emperor asked everyone to quiet down. He looked at Ling, and then announced to the crowd, “Behold your new emperor! His name is Ling!” Ling couldn’t believe it. Ling couldn’t even grow his seed. How could he be the new emperor?

Then the emperor said, “One year ago today, I gave everyone here a seed. I told you to take the seed, plant it, water it, and bring it back to me today.

But I gave you all boiled seeds which would not grow. All of you, except Ling, have brought me trees and plants and flowers. When you found that the seed would not grown, you substituted another seed for the one I gave you. Ling was the only one with the courage and honesty to bring me a pot with my seed in it. Therefore, he is the one who will be the new emperor!”

What are you planting for your life and your business? When you plant integrity, you will reap success.  It may not come in the form of $$, but it will show up in how you feel about yourself, how you treat yourself, and how you are perceived by others.

“With integrity you have nothing to fear, since you have nothing to hide. With integrity you will do the right thing, so you will have no guilt. With fear and guilt removed you are free to be and do your best.” – Zig Ziglar

How Fast is Fast Enough?

Over the past few weeks I’ve found myself in numerous conversations in which people confessed to feeling stressed to or beyond their capacity. A lot of the stories have to do with trying to keep up with an impossibly fast world, being “on” 24 hours a day, and needing to know everything instantaneously, deliver results NOW, and in general keep up with everything, all the time.

Really?  REALLY?!

Have you heard the news:  Stress kills?  And here’s the other message you need to hear:  You create 100% of your own stress!

In the context of all these conversations about speed and stress, I received this simple reminder from Seth Godin’s blog:

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Day old news is fresh enough

The value of breaking news (news = whatever is new to you) is dramatically overrated, and the cost of keeping up with what someone else thinks is urgent is just too high.

If it’s important today, it will be important tomorrow. Far more productive to do the work instead of monitoring what’s next.

[Exceptions: Emergency room doctors, producers at CNN, day traders.]

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Especially given that this comes from one of the most followed and prolific bloggers on the internet, I thought this was just a great reminder that success in today’s world is not always about being fastest.

Do we REALLY need to know everything, right now?  The Speed of Life need only stress you if you choose to let it…

Exercises to Strengthen Your Emotional Muscles

Once you’re aware that you have the power to manage your own emotional state, how might you get better at it?  What comes with awareness and observation are more sophisticated/purposeful skills.

I offer the following simple exercises, each focused on a strengthening a different dimension of Emotional Intelligence.

SELF AWARENESS

• Watch Your Emotions: For 2-3 weeks, diary your emotions. After every interaction, take 1 min to give that interaction a “score” (e.g. thumbs up, down, neutral, or a number 1-10) on effectiveness, then name the top 1,2,or3 emotions you felt during that interaction.  (over time, you will notice patterns — which emotions you spend more time in, trigger situations, etc).  Awareness is crucial to deepening your emotional intelligence
• Practice centering. Stand Tall, breathe deeply, connect to the ground, and feel into your Confident body

SELF-MANAGEMENT

• Practice Deliberate Emotions: Identify one or two emotions OTHER than calm/confidence that you would like to inhabit more often. What is the body and breath and story/assessment that go with that emotion, for you? Practice moving yourself into that intentional emotional space once or twice each day.
• Practice Recovery (Note: play carefully, here!): Find a safe space, e.g. at home, or alone in office. with intention, shift into anger, irritation, or some other emotion that gives you trouble, usu by reliving an incident/story. Give yourself a couple minutes to hold that intensity (it helps to set a timer, first). Notice all the visceral signs of that emotion in your body, breath, pulse, thinking, etc. When timer goes off, practice releasing that intensity and moving yourself back to center/calm. (Strengthens your ability to return to calm/center under stress)

EMPATHY/Other Awareness

• Strengthen Awareness: While sitting in meetings, act as observer of each of the other players or at least the key players. Without any assessment as to right/wrong or good/bad, see if you can identify — from language, body language, tone, other visible physical signs — what mood or emotional space that person is in. Do this several times during a meeting, noticing changes. (Strengthens ability to read others).
• Advanced: same exercise, except apply to the overall GROUP mood/emotion. Which person(s) appear to be the stronger influences on that group mood? (P.S. we often do this without realizing we are doing it.  The focus here is on picking up the “mood of the room” with intention).
• Check Awareness: In conversation with others, try to identify/name the mood you are feeling from them. Check your assessment by asking, “You seem ______. Am I reading you correctly, in this moment?”  (Refines your emotional radar)

RELATIONSHIPS/INFLUENCE/Other Management

• Mirroring/Drawing: When in conversations with others, selectively try one of the following:

A) purposefully mirror the mood/emotion of the other, thru standard mirroring techniques, e.g. matching body posture, energy, speed of speech, etc. Notice what effect that has on the conversation, when you Match

B) do the opposite of A — purposefully choose a DIFFERENT space, and shift into that in your speech, energy, non-verbal language, tone, etc. Hold that space with intention. Notice what effect it has on the conversation when you Draw the other

(This pairing is a training exercise/practice for negotiation, e.g. sales conversations, any situations where you seek to influence someone else — a frequent focus for leaders — or where you are striving to hone your facilitation skills, which include being able to shift the emotional space when appropriate)

True Leaders Sustain

When the business blockbuster Good to Great was published in 2001, author Jim Collins introduced us to the distinction between “celebrity” leaders vs “Level 5” leaders. Both get the job done for their companies; they are very different in their How.

The results achieved by celebrity leaders often decline or disappear when they move on, because the primary tool they bring to problem-solving is the force of their personality.  The Level 5 leader on the other hand, keeps the focus on building systems that can be sustained even when players change.

Another difference between the two is the way they respond to success and crisis. The celebrity looks in the mirror to give credit for success, and out the window to assign blame; the Level 5, in contrast, looks in the mirror to assign blame and looks out the window for someone to credit with success.

From my first reading of this book, I named the distinction “Manager vs Leader,” and still see it that way today. The bottom line is that true leaders (the Level 5) step outside of themselves and the comfort of knowing, and into the DIScomfort of not knowing and taking care of others.  There is nothing wrong with being a manager…but the BEST results come from those who model and nurture strong leadership in their organizations.

Remember, Leadership is not about a title: Anyone can be a leader who builds sustainable systems that best serve the organization, respects people, and shines the spotlight on others, first.

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