The Unforgettable Commencement Address 2009

May 26, 2009 by jsmith · Leave a Comment
Filed under: Leadership, Meaning, Practicing Happiness 

This speech was delivered this month at Commencement for the University of Portland, where the speaker, Paul Hawken, received an honorary doctorate.  I find it inspirational — he points to the huge difference that just one person, working for a cause, can make in the world.  You can also find the complete talk at the University of Portland’s website

Commencement: Healing or Stealing?

The unforgettable Commencement Address 2009. By Paul Hawken**

When I was invited to give this speech, I was asked if I could give a simple short talk that was “direct, naked, taut, honest, passionate, lean, shivering, startling, and graceful.” Boy, no pressure there.

But let’s begin with the startling part. Hey, Class of 2009: you are going to have to figure out what it means to be a human being on earth at a time when every living system is declining, and the rate of decline is accelerating. Kind of a mind-boggling situation – but not one peer-reviewed paper published in the last thirty years can refute that statement. Basically, the earth needs a new operating system, you are the programmers, and we need it within a few decades.

This planet came with a set of operating instructions, but we seem to have misplaced them. Important rules like don’t poison the water, soil, or air, and don’t let the earth get overcrowded, and don’t touch the thermostat have been broken. Buckminster Fuller said that spaceship earth was so ingeniously designed that no one has a clue that we are on one, flying through the universe at a million miles per hour, with no need for seatbelts, lots of room in coach, and really good food – but all that is changing.

There is invisible writing on the back of the diploma you will receive, and in case you didn’t bring lemon juice to decode it, I can tell you what it says: YOU ARE BRILLIANT, AND THE EARTH IS HIRING. The earth couldn’t afford to send any recruiters or limos to your school. It sent you rain, sunsets, ripe cherries, night blooming jasmine, and that unbelievably cute person you are dating. Take the hint. And here’s the deal: Forget that this task of planet-saving is not possible in the time required. Don’t be put off by people who know what is not possible. Do what needs to be done, and check to see if it was impossible only after you are done.

When asked if I am pessimistic or optimistic about the future, my answer is always the same: If you look at the science about what is happening on earth and aren’t pessimistic, you don’t understand data. But if you meet the people who are working to restore this earth and the lives of the poor, and you aren’t optimistic, you haven’t got a pulse. What I see everywhere in the world are ordinary people willing to confront despair, power, and incalculable odds in order to restore some semblance of grace, justice, and beauty to this world. The poet Adrienne Rich wrote, “So much has been destroyed I have cast my lot with those who, age after age, perversely, with no extraordinary power, reconstitute the world.” There could be no better description. Humanity is coalescing. It is reconstituting the world, and the action is taking place in schoolrooms, farms, jungles, villages, campuses, companies, refuge camps, deserts, fisheries, and slums.

You join a multitude of caring people. No one knows how many groups and organizations are working on the most salient issues of our day: climate change, poverty, deforestation, peace, water, hunger, conservation, human rights, and more. This is the largest movement the world has ever seen. Rather than control, it seeks connection. Rather than dominance, it strives to disperse concentrations of power. Like Mercy Corps, it works behind the scenes and gets the job done. Large as it is, no one knows the true size of this movement. It provides hope, support, and meaning to billions of people in the world. Its clout resides in idea, not in force. It is made up of teachers, children, peasants, businesspeople, rappers, organic farmers, nuns, artists, government workers, fisherfolk, engineers, students, incorrigible writers, weeping Muslims, concerned mothers, poets, doctors without borders, grieving Christians, street musicians, the President of the United States of America, and as the writer David James Duncan would say, the Creator, the One who loves us all in such a huge way.

There is a rabbinical teaching that says if the world is ending and the Messiah arrives, first plant a tree, and then see if the story is true. Inspiration is not garnered from the litanies of what may befall us; it resides in humanity’s willingness to restore, redress, reform, rebuild, recover, reimagine, and reconsider. “One day you finally knew what you had to do, and began, though the voices around you kept shouting their bad advice,” is Mary Oliver’s description of moving away from the profane toward a deep sense of connectedness to the living world.

Millions of people are working on behalf of strangers, even if the evening news is usually about the death of strangers. This kindness of strangers has religious, even mythic origins, and very specific eighteenth-century roots. Abolitionists were the first people to create a national and global movement to defend the rights of those they did not know. Until that time, no group had filed a grievance except on behalf of itself. The founders of this movement were largely unknown – Granville Clark, Thomas Clarkson, Josiah Wedgwood – and their goal was ridiculous on the face of it: at that time three out of four people in the world were enslaved. Enslaving each other was what human beings had done for ages. And the abolitionist movement was greeted with incredulity. Conservative spokesmen ridiculed the abolitionists as liberals, progressives, do-gooders, meddlers, and activists. They were told they would ruin the economy and drive England into poverty. But for the first time in history a group of people organized themselves to help people they would never know, from whom they would never receive direct or indirect benefit.. And today tens of millions of people do this every day. It is called the world of non-profits, civil society, schools, social entrepreneurship, and non-governmental organizations, of companies who place social and environmental justice at the top of their strategic goals. The scope and scale of this effort is unparalleled in history.

The living world is not “out there” somewhere, but in your heart. What do we know about life? In the words of biologist Janine Benyus, life creates the conditions that are conducive to life. I can think of no better motto for a future economy. We have tens of thousands of abandoned homes without people and tens of thousands of abandoned people without homes. We have failed bankers advising failed regulators on how to save failed assets. Think about this: we are the only species on this planet without full employment. Brilliant. We have an economy that tells us that it is cheaper to destroy earth in real time than to renew, restore, and sustain it. You can print money to bail out a bank but you can’t print life to bail out a planet. At present we are stealing the future, selling it in the present, and calling it gross domestic product. We can just as easily have an economy that is based on healing the future instead of stealing it. We can either create assets for the future or take the assets of the future. One is called restoration and the other exploitation. And whenever we exploit the earth we exploit people and cause untold suffering. Working for the earth is not a way to get rich, it is a way to be rich.

The first living cell came into being nearly 40 million centuries ago, and its direct descendants are in all of our bloodstreams. Literally you are breathing molecules this very second that were inhaled by Moses, Mother Teresa, and Bono. We are vastly interconnected. Our fates are inseparable. We are here because the dream of every cell is to become two cells. In each of you are one quadrillion cells, 90 percent of which are not human cells. Your body is a community, and without those other microorganisms you would perish in hours. Each human cell has 400 billion molecules conducting millions of processes between trillions of atoms. The total cellular activity in one human body is staggering: one septillion actions at any one moment, a one with twenty-four zeros after it. In a millisecond, our body has undergone ten times more processes than there are stars in the universe – exactly what Charles Darwin foretold when he said science would discover that each living creature was a “little universe, formed of a host of self-propagating organisms, inconceivably minute and as numerous as the stars of heaven.”

So I have two questions for you all: First, can you feel your body? Stop for a moment. Feel your body. One septillion activities going on simultaneously, and your body does this so well you are free to ignore it, and wonder instead when this speech will end. Second question: who is in charge of your body? Who is managing those molecules? Hopefully not a political party. Life is creating the conditions that are conducive to life inside you, just as in all of nature. What I want you to imagine is that collectively humanity is evincing a deep innate wisdom in coming together to heal the wounds and insults of the past.

Ralph Waldo Emerson once asked what we would do if the stars only came out once every thousand years. No one would sleep that night, of course. The world would become religious overnight. We would be ecstatic, delirious, made rapturous by the glory of God. Instead the stars come out every night, and we watch television.

This extraordinary time when we are globally aware of each other and the multiple dangers that threaten civilization has never happened, not in a thousand years, not in ten thousand years. Each of us is as complex and beautiful as all the stars in the universe. We have done great things and we have gone way off course in terms of honoring creation. You are graduating to the most amazing, challenging, stupefying challenge ever bequested to any generation. The generations before you failed. They didn’t stay up all night. They got distracted and lost sight of the fact that life is a miracle every moment of your existence. Nature beckons you to be on her side. You couldn’t ask for a better boss. The most unrealistic person in the world is the cynic, not the dreamer. Hopefulness only makes sense when it is doesn’t make sense to be hopeful. This is your century. Take it and run as if your life depends on it.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

**Paul Hawken is a renowned entrepreneur, visionary environmental activist, and author of many books, most recently Blessed Unrest: How the Largest Movement in the World Came into Being and Why No One Saw It Coming. He was presented with an honorary doctorate of humane letters by University president Father Bill Beauchamp, C.S.C., in May, when he delivered this superb speech.

Tags: , , ,

Happiness is Being True to Who You Are

May 7, 2009 by jsmith · Leave a Comment
Filed under: Leadership, Practicing Happiness, Relationships 

One of the other speakers at the Singapore HR Summit was Ngahi Bidois, who calls himself a New Age Maori Warrior.  Ngahi — his full name is , Ngahihi o te ra Bidois, which means Rays of the Sun –  is from New Zealand.

20 years ago Ngahi was a college-educated, high-flying, young executive-in-training with a major multinational firm, married to a beautiful woman from the UK, with money in the bank, a house and car, and seemingly having met all the goals he’d set for the himself at that stage of his life.  However, he noticed a hole in his life.

Jim & Ngahi

Jim & Ngahi

In his talk, he beautifully tells the story of how he came to realize that, in turning his back on his Maori heritage, he was losing a part of himself.  He quit his job and redesigned his life to take his background in leadership and education and use it to strengthen the Maori traditions.  He learned the language of his ancestors, and when he was ready he participated in an ancient tradition, receiving his ta moko, a full-facial tatoo that is the mark of his people, in an 8-hour (very painful!) ceremony. He recently had some incredible photos taken by a guy who’s pix of Ngahi appeared in several national photography magazines.  To see some of the shots (the coolest one is on his home page) visit www.NgahiBidois.com

In his talk on Leadership, Ngahi speaks of being authentic, the importance of listening to others and yourself, and of the importance of Influence in leadership success.  He’s a very inspiring guy, and I was privileged to spend time with him both during a speaker’s forum and at the speaker’s dinner on Wednesday evening.

He is one of the most grounded people I’ve met in a long time — totally happy with where he is in his life.  He really found what was meaningful to him, and now takes obvious delight in taking his message of authenticity and leadership to the world, just as my passion is around leadership and happiness.

Ngahi and I also shared ideas on marketing our messages.  Both of us just finished writing a book and had ‘rush’ printings done so we’d have a small supply to sell at the conference.  Small world!

On a lighter note, the monster.com Monster wandered the huge exhibit hall all during

Monster & Me

Monster & Me

the conference, and yesterday he grabbed me to take a picture with.  Here’s me and the Monster.  Resumes, anyone?

From Singapore, with Happiness…

Tags: , , ,

Happiness is Seeing Your Child Succeed

April 26, 2009 by jsmith · 4 Comments
Filed under: Everyday Happiness, Leadership, Relationships 

Last week I was privileged to attend Kent State University’s annual Student Awards night.  At this event the university recognizes the accomplishments of its many student leaders and student organizations; it also serves as the transition point for all Undergraduate Student Government (USG) positions.

During the past school year our youngest son, Jared, was a Student Senator in addition to serving as president of the largest fraternity on campus, Sigma Chi.  He will serve as one of the six elected USG Directors for the 2009/10 term.  We drove down to see him recognized for his contributions and then sworn in to his new role.

We sat at a table with many of Jared’s fraternity brothers and were delighted to see the quality of character so many of them possess.  These young men, some about to graduate in a few weeks, represent the next generation of leadership for our country. I feel inspired when in the presence of their energy and determination to succeed and create change.

I was pleasantly surprised, as I scanned the evening’s program, to see many of these young men’s names on the list of nominees for several awards.  I was proud to bursting as I realized that Jared’s name was listed for seven out of twelve possible leadership awards, in addition to his USG recognition.

Jared went up on stage several times during the evening to receive recognition for his contribution and accomplishments.  The awards he was nominated for acknowledge leadership, scholarship, commitment to the university, contribution to the community, and so on.  These are all admirable qualities in any young person, and even more fun to watch when that young person is my own child.

I was a proud and happy Dad, for sure!

Mom, Jared, Dad

Mom, Jared, Dad

Tags: , , , ,

Questioning the Need for Answers

April 9, 2009 by jsmith · Leave a Comment
Filed under: Communication, Leadership, Meaning 

I fear that one of the biggest obstacles to solving our world’s many problems is that we’ve become a society where, if you don’t have THE answer — and the CORRECT answer — on the first pass, you are labeled ineffective.  You are a failure if you don’t have the answer.

I got to thinking about this after a colleague included the following quote in an email:

“In our society, mainly concerned with production and efficiency, the drama is that our capacity for questioning, still so vivid in early childhood, is very quickly eradicated or pushed aside for the benefit of our capacity for answering.
When a child has a real question, most of the time he is immediately given a stupid answer. In the best cases the educator goes to the dictionary to be sure his answer is accurate. But anyhow unconsciously, if not proudly, he closes the question.
From school to the end of our life it is always necessary to answer. We are compelled to learn how to answer. If we don’t know how to answer, we are just no good. So little by little we become some kind of model machine able-to-answer-to-all-situations with all the necessary blindness as regards its own contradictions.
That kind of answering, whose degree of sophistication may sometimes hide from us its conditioned character, is required by our life. But under its dominating necessity, is it possible to keep alive in ourselves our most authentic and precious capacity, which is questioning?”

~Michel de Salzmann, French philosopher and spiritualist, 1976

We seem to have lost our capacity for curiosity.  This, I assess, is a big problem itself.

Consider where we are.  I mean, REALLY consider the situation we are in as a planet — financially, politically, climatically, and as regards energy:  we have NEVER been here before.

We are in totally new territory.  No one (I repeat, for emphasis, NO ONE) has the answers…. heck, we’re not even clear about what the problems are!  We keep treating the symptoms, nothing’s improving.  H-E-L-L-O!  perhaps we could achieve a bit more if we just stopped demanding answers and instead took the time to explore the issues.

Curiosity is one of man’s most powerful tools.  Our ability to question, to probe, to learn distinguishes us from all other species on the planet.  Imagine what could happen if, for just a few months, everyone stopped trying to Solve these enormous problems (which, by the way, hasn’t been workin’ too well!) and spend that time trying to Understand the problems.  Understand the root causes.  Understand the impact of various solutions.  Understand the impact on human lives.  and most of all, Understand the emotions that are attached to both the problems and the potential solutions.

What might be possible if, for just a while, our leaders took the time to look at the world through the eyes of a child?  Hmm.

In the end, I suggest, we’d have better answers.

Tags: ,

Nothing is Good or Bad

April 6, 2009 by jsmith · 1 Comment
Filed under: Coaching, In the workplace, Leadership, Practicing Happiness, Relationships 

“…there is nothing either good or bad, but thinking makes it so.”
Hamlet, Act II Scene 2

This quote from Shakespeare is one of my all-time favorites… and defines a foundational element of my coaching practice and life philosophy.

Events are just events.  Stuff happens.  That’s it.

THEN…we create a story to explain that event.  In our “story” we interpret what happened and make up reasons why it happened, and that story evokes an emotional response from us… and suddenly an event is labeled: good, bad, ugly.  And we feel sadness, optimism, fear, anger, appreciation, frustration, concern, etc

Not from the event, but from our thinking about the event.

Emotional Stew

Emotional Stew

In the past week I’ve coincidentally had two separate coaching conversations in which the subject was betrayal – one work-related, the other personal.  Both parties showed up in the coaching conversation with a bubbling stew of negative emotions — Which they’d cooked up themselves, by the way.  And in both cases I coached them to step away from their story and examine a few others.

Example: Another person (X) failed to keep a promise (this is a fact).

Possible interpretations:

  • (original story) X has harmed me.  X did it on purpose to hurt me.  I’m angry.  X is always trying to make me look bad.  What have I ever done to deserve such treatment?  I’m gonna watch for my opportunity to get back at X….  (down the path to rage and vengeance)
  • X let me down.  I feel betrayed.  I have this big presentation coming up, and now I’m not ready, because of X.  This is going to be a disaster (down the path of embarrassment)
  • X has harmed me.  That’s not like X; this is unusual.  I hope everything is OK with X.  Maybe I should give X a call (down the path of concern/empathy)
  • X is so unreliable.  Why did I ever believe X would do as promised?  I am such an idiot for ever believing X.  Why am I so stupid?  I’m so bad at reading people.  (down the path of self-loathing)
  • This is the third time this has happened with X.  I need to sit down with X and understand why this is happening.  I must renegotiate the promise (down the path to determination)
  • The track record of X shows that promises made by X are not meaningful.  I did not really expect X to deliver.  So this is no big deal.  I’ll just have to complete it myself in time for the presentation.  (down the path to acceptance)

Each of these is a valid interpretation.  Notice how each one, however, creates a very different emotion and response.

I’m not ever saying that one story is ‘more true’ than another…I just invite my client to explore other possible stories, and consider if there are valid explanations other than the one that they are hanging on to that is harming them and keeping their emotional stew on a slow boil.

In this particular situation, my client – after creating the above options – chose to pursue the path of determination, and instead of simmering in her office she sat down with X to express disappointment and then immediately renegotiate (“what’s it going to take to have this done by tomorrow at end of day?”).  She realized that hanging on to her anger was hurting only her.  X was blissfully unaware of the concern, and when approached about the broken promise X apologized and confessed to not realizing how important the project was.

So in the end, much of her original story was fiction, and the emotional stew was self-cooked.

Creating Your Own Good from Bad

Does the above ever happen to you?  (of course it does.  You’re human!).  So when you find yourself sitting in assessment and stewing in your own emotional juices, turn down the heat!  Step out of the situation for a moment and consider OTHER possible stories and interpretations for the event.  Maybe select a different story that allows you more control of the situation, and lets go of blaming the other person for your own emotional reaction.

And then take a deep breath.  Remember, it’s only your thinking that makes it good or bad.  So change your thinking when you need to, and have a happier day.

Tags: , , ,

Communicating Unhappy News

March 20, 2009 by jsmith · 2 Comments
Filed under: Coaching, Communication, In the workplace, Leadership 

As more and more companies must make the difficult decision to reduce staff and send people packing, I’ve had many leaders come to me and ask for advice on what to tell people when they ask questions. When people suspect a lay off is pending, they shift into constant anxiety.

Yet too many top leaders, for their own reasons, insist on “keeping mum” as the official management policy. And it’s the leaders who are frustrated with that policy who come to me and ask, ‘what should I do?’

I usually tell them, “you may be asking the wrong person!” I’ve gotten myself in trouble on numerous occasions for sharing information with my team that was not “supposed” to be shared. Of course, on the flip side, I’ve generally had great trusting relationships with my teams, whether I was running a 12-person financial unit or a 100-member service team. So it’s a balancing game: please the boss and support secrecy, or improve loyalty and retention of team members. It’s not been a difficult choice for me, ever… but just so you know. :)

By now I’m sure you’ve guessed my counsel to those managers. Here’s my philosophy: In the absence of news, people will make up their own. Do you want them to believe the rumors or the truth? I also passionately believe that people prefer to hear difficult news directly from their manager. When you are sharing the bad news as well as the good news, people trust you more and won’t be looking for hidden agendas.

Plus, I happen to subscribe to the ‘they are all adults’ story… and they are not stupid or blind, so pretending nothing is happening is simply not a smart option.

Bruce Hennes is a local Crisis Communications expert — he goes in to help companies when big things blow up.  While his work is generally around embarrassment and scandal, I love how his tips for great crisis communication work for many common issues, as well.  Bruce’s coaching around any sort of bad news is to NEVER, EVER try to keep it secret — it will only blow up on you. So his top three rules are:

  1. Tell the Truth (they are going to discover it, anyway!)
  2. Be the First (let them hear it from you, not from others)
  3. Tell it all (share what is known)*

*About #3: don’t wait till you have all the facts. Tell what you do know — and what you don’t know. And if you’re sharing opinion or conjecture, make it clear that it’s just your opinion/guess. That way if reality pans out differently, people will still trust you.

Bruce says that the more YOU talk about an issue (following the above), the faster it goes away.  But once the rumor mill (or the media) have it, they will make up anything that’s missing, and sometimes the story they create is much worse than the Truth!

Over the past month I ‘ve coached leaders at two companies thru this very process.  At one organization they had to eventually lay off 20% of their workforce, but the process was going to take two weeks to fully develop. I urged them to keep sharing everything that was firmly decided as it was decided (rather than waiting till the last minute as people were being sent home), and everyone — those laid off and those who survived — felt much better about the process. Sad? Yes. Betrayed? No.

For many who work in organizations today, the news is grim and the conversations difficult.  How can you keep from falling into depression?

Here’s how: Pay attention to how you’re carrying yourself. You and your coworkers/team may not be able to control the business, but you can always control you, how you respond, etc. You can still be an optimist. Some things are falling apart, yes, AND some things are still working. What you give the most attention to will determine your ability to function and lead through it all.

In happiness, J

Tags: , , , , ,

Tough Choice

March 13, 2009 by jsmith · Leave a Comment
Filed under: Coaching, Communication, Humor, In the workplace, Leadership 

I could not resist pulling this two-minute video onto my blog.  It resonated with me because, of all the leadership challenges that come up in coaching and training conversations, this is the most common area of concern (I can’t tell you more without giving away the twist).

This is part of a new series of humorous looks at Crucial Conversations posted by Vital Smarts.  It’s certainly a novel way of getting out the word!

Now that you’ve watched it, we can talk.

I deliver several different workshops on Communication and Coaching, and the PA conversation seems always to be at the heart of “concerns.” Sad, AND true.

Truly, how many of you carry this same perception of the Performance Appraisal experience? Guess what — LOTS of people feel this way.

Thanks goodness we can laugh about it. Now, what might we DO about it, so this is not such an unhappy process for so many people? How might we show up differently as leaders so that it’s an easy choice?

Something to think about.

Tags: , ,

What’s the Best Piece of Advice You Ever Got?

February 9, 2009 by jsmith · 6 Comments
Filed under: Coaching, Communication, Leadership, Relationships 

“What’s the best piece of advice you ever received?”  A TV interviewer asked this of her guest recently, and that question got me thinking about how I’d respond.

My mother always used to say, “if you love what you do, you’ll never have to work a day in your life.” It took me a couple decades to figure out exactly what that advice meant for me, but since I figured it out my stress levels dropped permanently.  Today, the twin passions of helping leaders grow and creating more happiness in the world are at the core of everything I do, and the more true I am to those passions, the less what I do feels like work.

Another piece of advice that changed my life came from a woman who was my mentor for many years.  Tiona said, “you can’t change other people; you can only change how you respond to them.” This advice helped me become a much better leader during my corporate career, and has helped me tremendously in my career as a coach.

What’s the best piece of advice you ever got?

Tags:

Yes And, Happiness, and Leadership

January 28, 2009 by jsmith · 2 Comments
Filed under: In the workplace, Leadership 

Are you familiar with the concept, from improv theater, of “yes, and…”?  It’s a skill that is useful in leadership and in life.  It helps if you’re on stage giving a presentation to 100 people, and it helps when you are in conversation with one person.  I teach this concept in my communication training and my coaching.

Last week my friend and creativity colleague, Michelle James, wrote of the concept in an article entitled Accepting versus Agreeing.  I loved the distinction she created, and am reprinting a portion of it here, as I believe Acceptance is a fundamental emotion related to Happiness — if I can accept what is, I have greater capacity to experience happiness even when things are not going exactly as I wish they would.

You can read Michelle’s entire newsletter at CreativeEmergence.com

~~~~~~~~~~~~

Accepting versus Agreeing

One of the core principles of improvisational theater is “Yes And” - which means accepting (the YES) whatever is given (called “offers”) and adding a new piece of information (the AND). It is the cornerstone of improv, and that which help improvisers keep the creativity going in the face of the unknown - with no plans, scripts or strategies.

When I bring Applied Improv principles and practices to organizations, inevitably someone says, “But what if you really DON’T agree with the idea that is offered? Some ideas are simply not good ideas.” A valid case.

There are points I would like to address to that regard: first, the practice of “Yes-Anding” as a creativity technique is used more in the divergence (expanding and generating) part of the creative process. Among a host of other things, yes-anding helps open up the “playing field” for more possibilities and novel connections that otherwise would never have been engaged by the conventional approach of finding out all the reasons an idea will not work. Once you get into the convergence (discerning and focusing) part of the creative process, then you begin to use the “no’s” as appropriate to discern what will and will not work based upon the objectives and the parameters of your focus.

The second point is more subtle. It is the difference between accepting the “offer” and agreeing with it. In improv, it does not matter what you personally think about the offer - or the person offering it - you accept it. You may disagree, but you still accept it and add to it. By doing so, you are not saying, “I love your idea!” Instead, you are engaging in the experiment of taking a seed idea and creating forth something new with it. In doing so, more often than not, an entirely unexpected direction will emerge that is better than anyone could have imagined. With clear intention of purpose, a “bad idea” that is accepted and “anded” can transform into a spot-on relevant innovation just a few “ands” later. To an improviser, all offers are gifts.

Perhaps more significantly, the art of acceptance is profound when practiced with groups and work teams. Accepting what someone is saying creates a feeling of safety. Once the ground of safety is established, members of the group will allow themselves to take more creative risks, to experiment more, to think more expansively…which leads to more novel and workable ideas. You don’t have to agree with someone’s point of view to honor that it is theirs. The payoff: you get more flow from the creative well. In a time when innovation is the big buzzword, the practice of accepting - regardless of agreeing - is one more tool for the creative toolbox.

Tags: , , , , ,

Advice for Happier Performance Appraisals

January 26, 2009 by jsmith · Leave a Comment
Filed under: In the workplace, Leadership, Practicing Happiness 

This is a busy season for Performance Appraisal (PA) discussions, and this topic’s come up with several clients recently.  Anxiety seems to be the most common emotion associated with PAs, both on the part of the receiver and the writer/manager.

A little anxiety running up to the conversation can be helpful  — it will keep you alert and engaged during all the discussions.  Once the conversation starts, however, you don’t want to be trying to speak and listen from a body of anxiety.  Your primary filter in anxiety (a low grade version of fear) is, “This person may be wanting to do me harm, so I must be vigilant.”  How can anyone be a good listener when THAT conversation is going on inside one’s head, and the body is sitting on the edge of a fight/flight/freeze response?

So I offer two pieces of advice, one for you if you are a manager/writer of the review, and one for if you are the subject of a PA (and many of you find yourself in both roles, I’m sure!).   This comes out of my personal experience — 20 years of leading over 400 performance review conversations, during which time I made my share of mistakes and learned a whole heck of a lot of great ways to create a positive conversation even when the news is difficult:

For the manager/writer

Whether you are delivering good or bad news, praise or corrective steering advice, always respect the PERSON.  You may disagree w/ their opinion; don’t be disagreeable.  You may think your assessment is superior to theirs; don’t forget to listen, hear them out, even as you choose to disagree with their assessment. In every way possible, seek to make it a a conversation/dialogue rather than a monologue.

When you find your emotions rising up (anger, anxiety, irritation) remember to sit back, take a deep breathe, and let your body settle down before you continue.  As the saying goes, “People will forget what you say but they will never forget how you made them feel.”

For the receiver of feedback

Remember that you are human, and that you are not perfect.  No, your boss is not perfect, either, but that’s not point.  The business purpose of Performance Appraisal is to assess contribution to the business and to grow capacity for the future.  It’s a business tool, not a massage.

If you arrive in a PA conversation believing that the purpose of the exercise is to feed your ego, you will be disappointed.  If, however, you arrive with an eagerness to talk about what more you can do to learn, improve, grow, and otherwise increase your value to the company, you’re far more likely to “hear” any critical feedback as a GIFT to you.  After all, if all anyone shares with you is praise, you’ll miss the opportunity to grow!

Even if your manager does a clumsy job of delivering feedback (and a lot of them do), try to get past their delivery to the nuggets of helpful information.   It’s YOUR responsibility, after all, to build your skills and your career.

OH, and the same advice to you about breathing:  When you find your emotions rising up (anger, anxiety, defensiveness) remember to sit back, take a deep breathe, and let your body settle down before you continue.  And remember:  It may be personal, but that doesn’t mean you have to take it personally.  :)

I hope this is helpful for your discussions!

Tags: , , ,

Next Page »