Create Change One Tiny Step at a Time
A moment, take 1: I’m watching my four-month old grandson as he flails his hands about, trying so hard to get his fist into his mouth. He fails 100% of the time. He hits his cheek, his forehead, his ears.
A moment, take 2: I’m swimming laps in the pool, lost in thought about my day. I glance at the clock and realize I’ve lost track of time. I’ve just swum a half mile on autopilot.
A moment, take 3: My client shows up excited to tell me how well she did on her presentation to the executive board. Every day for the past month she has practiced a calm, grounded body so that she could deliver her message from a place of confidence instead a place of panic.
A moment, take 4: One month later, my grandson reaches out with purpose, grasps a plastic ring and, with intense concentration, moves it purposefully and directly toward his mouth. He succeeds every time.
Your Body, Brain, and Heart Are the Same System
My colleague who studies Neurobiology says, “Nothing changes unless the brain changes.” A colleague who uses martial arts in his leadership work says, “Every habit starts and ends in the body.” Hmm.
Who is more correct? I believe they both hold the truth. You cannot change your behavior JUST by thinking about it; you must actually DO something with your body, creating muscle memory. AND since you are essentially one big nervous system, everything you do engages your brain and creates new neural connections.
This is why physical practices and movement are equally important for those seeking to change a habit, become better leaders, or live a happier life. Whatever you seek to change, you must think it AND do it, many times.
After counting my grandson’s fidgeting one day, I calculated that he did that “hand-to-mouth” move over 1,000 times before he could hit the target. He’ll repeat the same relentless practice for rolling over, standing up, and speaking.
My ability to swim on autopilot happened the same way. Having swum competitively for eight years, plus some practice for another 30, I estimate I’ve done 500,000+ flip turns in my life – my body can execute a clean flip off the wall without my even having to think it.
This is the essence: You become what you repeatedly do. The corollaries: You ARE what you’ve repeatedly done in the past; and, You can BECOME what you repeatedly do from today forward. Muscle memory, emotional memory, brain chemistry – all part of the same system.
Seven Places to Start a New Habit
Here are some simple emotional practices that can help recalibrate your base mood. Approach these with an intention to engage your physical senses which will influence your emotional state and rewire your brain.
- Smile more often
(it improves “muscle memory” on your face and invokes positive feelings) - Keep a Joy List or write down daily blessings
(the physical writing engages your body as it tones your “awareness muscle”) - Take two deep breaths and relax your shoulders, ten times a day
(trains your body to find a calm place under pressure) - List what’s RIGHT in a situation before listing the problems
(balances your attention and your perspective) - Count to ten before reacting to any situation
(trains your emotions to wait – until your brain catches up) - Hold your arms at your sides – uncrossed — in all conversations
(helps your body experience the feeling of openness/acceptance to other ideas and people and improves your listening skills) - Hang out with people who already live in the place you want to live
(As mammals, we learn our emotional cues from others. If you want to be more positive, hang out with optimists. If you want to eat better, hang out with the health buffs)
Consider a physical or emotional aspect of yourself that you want to recalibrate. What is a practice that you might use to help you get used to a new way of being? Start with just one tiny thing – one food, one habit, one choice, one relationship, even just one word you use. Shift it, then practice it regularly from this day forward. Just one…
Do you get “typical results” from your life?
As part of my Marketing homework, I’ve been studying online sales sites – you know, those really long web pages that tell you everything possible about a product or service, with a Buy Now button at the bottom of the page.
A feature common to most such sites is Testimonials, usually from people who achieved to-die-for results:
- I made a bajillion dollars in five minutes after I bought this system!
- I lost 100 pounds reduced my body fat to 2% in just six weeks!
- I got over 1000 applications for my new program in one day!
And so on. I’m sure you’ve all seen sites like these. Usually there’s a note tucked discreetly into a dark corner that reminds readers that ‘your results may not be typical.’ Then, I came across this refreshingly candid Disclaimer, on a site that offers a four-phase workout program:
Please read our awesome disclaimer: Due to recent statements from the FTC, it is required that we identify what a “typical” result is. The truth: most people never do anything with the products they buy, so most of the time, their typical results are zero. The biggest factor is you. Don’t do drugs; stay in school. There is no such thing as a Silver Bullet. I bet this disclaimer would make a good rap song
Typical results are ZERO. Wow. Of course, the person who is about to type in their credit card information is thinking, “that’s not me. I’ll do this. I’m not like ‘those other people.’ Really?
I’ve read that over 40% of books purchased never get read, and that rate rises to 75% for books downloaded from the Internet. 29% of patients prescribed antibiotics fail to complete the full course of treatment, often because they forget. Personal trainers report that as many as 25% of appointments are no-shows — even when they’ve already paid for the session!
Fact is, we are creatures of habit, even when our habits hurt us and we desperately want to change them. We truly WANT to exercise more, improve our minds, get well, and manage time better. But unless we pay attention to what we are doing EVERY DAY, our new commitment slowly sinks into the muck of routine.
Make no mistake about it: if you want to change something in your life, you must be persistent. It takes a minimum of 100 repetitions for a new behavior to start feeling ‘normal.’
So … If you want to change your attitude, your fitness level, your time management, your mood, or any other aspect of you, be aware of your human tendency to drift back to old ways. Build in to your process some accountability checks — electronic reminders in your datebook, post-it notes on your bathroom mirror, working with a partner, having a friend check in with you, etc. (shameless commerce division: or hire a coach!)
If you PLAN for regression, and build something into your change process to get you back on track, you’re far more likely to make a lasting change.
As the disclaimer above reads, “The biggest factor is you.”
Don’t be typical.
Happiness, the BOOK!
The 13 Principles of Happiness