Tiny Stories of Gratitude for the Holidays

A client of mine sent this story as part of his holiday message, and I loved it so much I asked for his permission to share it with all of you. My guest columnist, Rob, is an executive who lives in Chicagoland.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

I ask you all to practice random acts of kindness this season. During the past few weeks a few things have happened that I would like to share.

1. I picked up a pair of shoes from a the cobbler and indicated to the woman in the store that I was excited because I had only one more official Christmas Party to go to.  She said: ” I wish I had a Christmas Party to Go to.”

Let’s Be Grateful for what we have and get to do!

2. I shared with a beautiful woman my goal of teaching at the University of Chicago.  She shared with me that she had received her PhD there and had this set of china with Pictures of the Buildings on them from 1931.  I had just met her.  She left and returned within 10 minutes and gave me the 12-piece set of china.

Be Grateful for the generosity of others!

3. I was able to hear one of my best friends play his violin in Handel’s Messiah.  He was, and it was, amazing.

Be Grateful for the Talent and Growth of others!

4. I was blessed to have lunch with my mom and my aunt in Chicago at the Walnut Room of Marshall Fields.  Generally the wait is 2-4 hours.  I had exchanged holiday greetings with a man on an elevator earlier.  He saw us in line and gave us his reservation which was 45 minutes earlier.

There is an abundance of Generosity in the World!

5. Lunch and the time with mom and Aunt Arlene was a blessing!

Enjoy family and loved ones.  Be grateful!

6. We decided to have dessert at the Cheese Cake Factory on Michigan Avenue.  Another wait was in front of us.  I greeted the host with “Hello and Merry Christmas.”  He stopped and said “What did you say?”  “I said, Merry Christmas.”  He said “you are the first person who said that all day.  Thank you!”  and he seated us immediately

There are so many other miracles that keep happening!

I heard the bells on Christmas Day; their old familiar carols play, and wild

and sweet the word repeat of peace on earth, good-will to men!”

~Henry Wadsworth Longfellow, American Poet

Gratitude Reprised

As the American Thanksgiving holiday approaches, our thoughts turn to Giving Thanks and the emotion of Gratitude.  This emotion is so foundational to the experience of all the Positive Emotions that I believe it is impossible to oversell its importance or speak of it too often.

Gratitude is defined as, the quality of being warmly or deeply appreciative of kindness or benefits received; thankfulness.

Reminders about the Importance of Gratitude

• Expressions of Gratitude are the bricks of the foundation upon which Happiness, Optimism, Hope, and Joy are built.
• Practiced regularly, Gratitude shapes your worldview toward noticing abundance versus scarcity, since it focuses on what you Have versus what you Lack.
• You bring positive energy to the conversation whenever you speak with others about something for which you are grateful.
• Grateful people make better friends, parents, coworkers, and leaders.
• Finally, when you practice gratitude, you feel more content with the world, no matter what your current state (even unemployed!).

Practice makes Better

If you want to learn the piano or run a marathon, you must practice, practice, and practice.  The same is true of emotional states.  Here are nine intentional activities that will help you live a more Gratitude-filled life.

1.       Keep a Gratitude Journal. This is the most basic and powerful practice in all of Positive Psychology.  Every book on happiness published in the past eight years places this practice at/near the top of the list.  Every day, write down three blessings from the past 24 hours.  Pencil and paper or online journal work equally well – the key is that you write it, not just think it (it makes a difference).

2.       Remember the Bad Times. In his 2007 book, “Thanks,” researcher Robert Emmons noted the value of reflecting on past difficulties  — not to dwell on them, but to appreciate that you survived and are stronger today as a result of the experiences.

[This one resonates for me personally. Viewed in the rearview mirror, some of my darkest moments and biggest mistakes have come to symbolize significant turning points or deep learning that would not have been otherwise possible.  In the words of Helen Keller, “Only through experience of trial and suffering can the soul be strengthened, vision cleared, ambition inspired, and success achieved.”]

3.       Say, “Thank you.” Those who say ‘thank you’ more often than ‘please give me….’ experience higher life satisfaction.

4.       Three Square Meals.  A good friend of mine takes a moment before every meal and says three things he is grateful for since his last meal (and he is the most grateful person I know!)

5.       Appreciate Someone.  Every day, let a person in your life know you are grateful for them, and why.  Even if you only do this weekly, in a year you’ll have sent 52 notes.

6.       Build a Gratitude List. Start with a list of 25-50 things for which you are grateful.  Whenever you think of something new, add it to the list (challenge yourself to reach 100!).  Pull the list out and read it for a quick pick-me-up whenever you feel down, sad, or ungrateful.

7.       Wear a Body of Gratitude. With feet flat on the ground, pull your shoulders back and your head up, open your palms toward the person you are facing, and take a deep breath.

8.       Fill a Gratitude File.  Every time you receive a thank you note, place it in your file.  In email, create a folder to store these.  When you are having a bad day open the file and, as you read, feel the warmth of other people’s appreciation wash over you.

9.       Notice the Invisible and the Infrastructure. When was the last time you gave thanks for the fact that the lights actually go on when you flip the switch?  Or that your faucet flows with clean, drinkable water?  Or that you can live without fear of being assassinated in your home?  Much of the world’s population still lacks these life basics, so take a moment to appreciate what may have become invisible to you.

Happy Thanksgiving.  And in case you’ve not heard me say it before, my dear Readers: I am grateful for you!

~~~~~~~~~~

The 13 Principles of Happiness offer specific practices to strengthen your “happiness muscles.”  Visit http://www.theexecutivehappinesscoach.com/happiness/philosophies.cfm, to download a 1-page PDF Poster.  Post it on your refrigerator, and have extras handy for when your guests read it on Thanksgiving and want their own copies!

Can You Relate? Practicing Happiness

I recently appeared on Coach Kathy Dawson’s new daytime talk show, Can You Relate? The focus of this six-minute segment: to improve your relationships, to start with you. Here are a couple tools to help you build stronger Positive Emotion Muscles!

Gratitude: You already know how to do this!

Five Tips to Manage Stress in Job Search

A shorter version of a post from earlier this week – 156 words of advise for managing job search stress:

1.     Practice gratitude. Every day, write down three good things that happen around you.  Focus on what you DO have to feel blessed even when stressed.

2.    Tally your Friendships.  List all your important relationships: family, friends, even casual acquaintances that touch your life.  Priceless!

3.    Take your own oxygen first. Move your body, eat well, and do things that feed joy to your soul.  When your tank is on full you have more capacity for your search.

4.    Eliminate frictions. Change or stop something that drains you.  Let go of old stories, relationships, or habits that no longer serve the New You.

5.    Choose your attitude. Stand tall, shoulders back, breathe into your deep belly, and wear a smile.  “Fake it till you feel it” is a powerful strategy to access more confidence and happiness.

Instructions: Repeat daily to strengthen your positive emotional “muscles!”

Are You as Happy as You Want to be?

Are you are as happy as you want to be?  Have you “succeeded” yet still find happiness elusive?  Do you sometimes feel “stuck” in your career or your life, without a clear path to what’s next for you?

If those questions caused you to pause for a moment, I invite you to read on.

What is Happiness, and Why Should You Care?

I define happiness as wanting what you have. Happiness, then, is an inner state; the quality of being joyous, glad, or contented.

Who cares?  Well, studies in the field of Positive Psychology look at the cause-and-effect cycle of “positive emotions,” e.g. gratitude, joy, hope, contentment, optimism, love, and, of course, happiness. Those studies show that that people who experience more positive emotion in their lives are:

• More RESILIENT. They hold up to stress better, and recover from negative or traumatic situations more quickly.
• More CREATIVE. They typically see more options available to them and are more comfortable trying new ideas and experiences.
• HEALTHIER.  Happier people get sick less often, and when they do they bounce back more quickly.

The good news: anyone can learn to experience more positive emotions in their life by engaging in a variety of skill-building exercises.

You see, our emotions function like our muscles. When we work out regularly, our muscles grow larger and stronger; if the emotions we most often exercise are worry, anxiety, and fear, those moods dominate our lives. Our positive emotional “muscles” need to be worked out to help them grow stronger.  The more often we seek out and experience positive emotions (happiness), the greater our capacity to deal with the future.

For example, keeping a gratitude journal helps strengthen your awareness of the blessings in your life. Other “exercises” for your emotional self can include:

• Learning how to breathe differently, e.g. deeper vs shallow breathing supports a different set of emotional responses
• Shifting how and where you carry energy in your body (calm energy resides in a different place than the energy of purpose, action, pain, anxiety, creativity, and so on)
• Noticing the reactions you have to various people or conversation topics (e.g. that coworker who always “pushes your buttons”) and gradually introducing a new response on both physical and emotional levels
• Changing the language you use in conversation.  Simple changes in the words you use can yield amazing changes in how you feel and the quality of your interactions

As a coach, I work with people who want to show up differently in the world.  The above are some of the tools I use with my clients to make the changes they seek.

Where’s this article coming from, you might ask… Well, I had a conversation yesterday with someone who appeared to get irritated with me, and said, “why would I need a coach to help me do all that? I can do it myself!”

My response:  “If you can do it yourself, then why are we having this conversation?”

You see, knowing is not the same as doing.  We benefit from having people outside of our world to help us understand who we are and how we are really showing up in that world.  That’s why I have several coaches.  That’s why Oprah Winfrey has a coach. And Tiger Woods.

A personal coach is a resource to help you achieve more in the world than even you believe possible.  In a world gone CrazyBusy, I know I can use all the help I can get!

How about you?

Jim Smith, PCC, is a personal and executive coach.  He works with clients who want to change how they show up in the world — because they “have it all” but still aren’t happy.