Happiness is Standing On My Head

I finally did it!  After months of  practice and preparation, I finally managed to execute a full headstand!

OK, I could only hold it for a few seconds, but this was HUGE for me.  I’ve had to overcome my fear of falling as well as the “story” I told myself about how I “can’t” balance upside down.

Yoga = Union

Yoga demands a total IN the body awareness; in fact the word yoga means union — body, mind, soul.  I find that anytime I am feeling out of sorts –  physically, mentally, or emotionally — that 10 to 15 minutes of moving meditation (which is what yoga is, essentially) helps me recalibrate and get back in touch with my body and my mood.

To deepen my practice, I’ve studied different poses (asanas) and every few months try to add a new form or pose to my practice.  I’ve attempted — and mastered — just about every asana I’ve attempted EXCEPT in the category of Inversions.  Inversions are those poses that turn the body upside down.  While I mastered a shoulder stand (feet straight up in the air), I have struggled with everything else.

At the beginning of 2009 I set as a goal to master two new inversions this year.  I was determined.  (several of my friends and colleagues, upon hearing this goal, just rolled their eyes.  I push on, regardless!)

Where I’m Going ≠Where I Am

Then I attended a class where the woman next to me moved into several inversions with such grace and power that I was in awe.  After the class I asked her for a moment of assistance, and what she taught me completely changed my conversation.

I’d been so focused on the pose itself — the headstand, the handstand — that I was hardly paying any attention to the movement INTO the pose.  She showed me how to refocus my attention from where was going to where I am — to where my body is in the process of moving overhead.  This shifted my attention from my feet (trying to get them to a point six feet up the wall) to my core, where all the heavy lifting occurs.  When I brought myself back into my core, my middle, instead of “out there, ” I was able to easily move into headstand.  How cool!

The Key = Core Strength

This experience got me thinking about Happiness and the critical role of the core in creating and maintaining emotional stability.  When the focus of happiness is “out there,” one can be feeling OK about life during steady times.  But when life comes along and turns things upside down, it’s easy to fall down over and again.

Just as the physical core must be strong to hold a difficult yoga pose, our emotional core must be strong in order to hold steady when it gets turned in unusual ways.

I cannot emphasize enough the importance of practice, practice, practice in yoga.  At least four or five times a week I spend a few minutes moving my body through the basics (called Sun Salutations) to stretch and strengthen my arms, legs, core, and breath.

So too, one must practice, practice, practice the ability to hold calm in the body, the ability to bring oneself back to the center (the core) by attending to posture and a deep breath or two.  The strength we create thru practice shows up in times of challenge as resilience.

So keep working on that Happy Body of yours.  Stand tall, breathe deeply, smile often.  And the next time life turns you upside down, move into that pose with grace and know that you have the capacity to stand on your head AND be happy!

Happiness is standing on my head!

Happiness is Winning an Oscar!

I watched the Academy Awards on Sunday nite and was, of course, THRILLED when Slumdog Millionaire won Best Picture.  I loved the book (Q&A) and I wrote two posts about the movie back in December when I first saw it.

I had to stay up past my bedtime to watch them open the envelope , and I was happy to have lost the sleep.  When the movie was announced, pandemonium broke out in the corner of the Kodak theatre where the Slumdog cheering section was located.  The producer, so excited about the film’s nomination, had flown the entire cast from India to Hollywood for the event.

And why not?  At one point no studio wanted to pick up the movie, so it almost went straight to DVD.  This was a low-budget film cast with unknown actors and with a crew of indie film folks from England, India, and Australia.  No one associated with the film had “credentials” outside of the Producer and Director (both past Oscar winners).  So for most of them, this was a first (and probably once) in a lifetime thrill.

They all crowded onto the stage for the acceptance speech, and their excitement was infectious.

A.R. Rahman, who 15 minutes earlier had won Oscars for best score and best song, said the movie — set in the squalor of Mumbai’s slums — was about hope and optimism.  I thought he had one of the best lines of the evening, when he said, “All my life, I’ve had a choice of hate and love.  I chose love, and I’m here.”

In turbulent times like we live in today, movies remind us that people can experience horrible things and still endure, that underdogs sometimes do win, and that happy endings are still possible. 

Happiness is a Warm Towel

My wife and I recently completed a “remodel on a budget” on our bathroom.  With minimal investment — new towel holders, a couple of shelves, a new rug, and some spray paint — we converted from a blue & mauve color scheme to a bold purple & white, which was a pretty dramatic transformation.

But by far the best part was that we hung a towel rack and clothes hook in a new position on the wall just above the electric baseboard heater.

Yesterday morning I popped outside to clear off the cars and shovel the driveway.  In moments, I was frozen to the core; it was -5 (that’s 5 degrees BELOW zero!), and that cold got into my bones.  I shivered my way into the shower and when I came out I grabbed my towel — my WARM towel.

It felt SOOOO good!

Then I took down the WARM slacks and WARM shirt from their hangers on the wall and slipped into them.

Ahhhhh!

I experienced a rare moment of sensory pleasure.  Pure pleasure, happiness in cotton.

Happiness is, truly, a warm towel!

“Too Much” Dark Chocolate? Impossible!

“Do you really need that?” my wife asked as I dropped a dark chocolate bar into the grocery cart.

“One can never have too much dark chocolate,” I countered.  She gave me a look…. “I think you have an ample supply,” she offered, grimly.  Hmmm.

Curious, I set out to learn just how much chocolate I possess right now.  Here is my inventory.

In the refrigerator:

• 3 bottles of Starbucks Mocha Frappuccino
• 3 of Dark Chocolate Raspberry Frappuccino  (well, as long as I’m here…make that 2)
• 2 bottles Brooklyn Brewery Black Chocolate Stout (excellent when served with.. Dark Chocolate!)

In the freezer:

• 1 remaining sleeve of Thin Mints Girl Scout Cookies (I freeze them so they last all year — I should finish these just about the time the 2009 cookie sale commences!)

On the counter in my office:

• 6 bars of Lake Champlain 54% Dark Chocolate bars in various stages of consumption, including Peppermint Crunch, Raspberry Truffle, Coffee Truffle, Dark Chocolate Truffle, Dark Chocolate with Almonds, and just a plain Dark Chocolate Bar
• (correction.  The Dark Chocolate Truffle bar is now history.  I needed something to eat with the Dark Chocolate Raspberry Frappuccino…)

In my desk drawer:

• 1 box Altoids Dark Chocolate Dipped Peppermints
• 1 tin Choxie Dark Chocolate Espresso Beans
• 1/2 bag Starbucks Dark Chocolate covered Dried Cherries
• 2 bars Cocoa Via Original Chocolate Bar. This is a mini-bar — only 100 calories — that sports the tagline, “Promotes a Healthy Heart(tm),” so it’s really Health Food

In the pantry:

• 1 half-eaten Godiva Dark and White Chocolate bar
• Part of a 85% Dark Chocolate bar from Russia (I can’t recall the manufacturer — but it’s awesome!)
• 1 nearly empty container of Trader Joe’s Belgian Dark Chocolate Mini Grahams (I bought those for Christmas)
• 1 half-full container Trader Joes’ Dark Chocolate covered Australian Crystallized Ginger (technically, these are a vegetarian, low-sodium food!)
• 3 Fiber One Oats and Chocolate bars
• 2 bars Larabar Jocolat (chocolate) pure organic chocolate food bar (fabulous!  made with dates, almonds, walnuts, cashews and cocoa)
• Part of a Chuao Spicy Maya — 60% dark chocolate bar infused with pasilla chile and cayenne pepper
• 1 jar Love Street Living Foods 100% organic Raw Vegan Chocolate Spread w/ Agave Nectar **This truly IS a healthy food!**
• 1 half-full Jar Nutella hazelnut and cocoa spread
• 1 jar Pure Ohio Creamed Honey Spread, Chocolate flavor, from Ambrose Honeyworks, a local bee farm
• 1 Trader Joe’s 72% DARK Belgian Chocolate bar
• 1 Endangered Species Chocolate bar; 70% Dark Chocolate w/ Raspberries
• 1 bag Dark Chocolate covered Pretzels from Bella Chocolates (a local chocolatier)

In my Coffee Corner:

• 1 Tin Trader Joe’s Sipping Chocolate mix
• 1 nearly-empty tin of Starbucks Mocha Powder (sporting the tagline: “when coffee dreams, it dreams of chocolate”)

Oh, and this inventory does not count the tin of Hershey’s Cocoa or the bag of Nestle Semi-Sweet Chocolate chips, because they are technically not for eating — just for cooking.

Is it possible to have too much dark chocolate?

“Too much,” I think, is an assessment.  It feels like an arbitrary judgment.  My wife is a sports fanatic.  Is it possible, I might ask, to watch “too much” football or “too much” baseball?  She would, of course, respond that it is not possible.

Exactly.

She is a consumer of sports, I am a consumer of Dark Chocolate.  Sports is her Vice of Choice, while Dark Chocolate is mine.  I call that a tie!

Besides, if there was NO Dark Chocolate in the house, I would feel insecure and anxious.  What if there’s a snowstorm, and we can’t get to the store for several days, you know what I mean?  Having SOME Dark Chocolate in the house makes me feel warm and secure and content.  I’m a better husband, coach, parent, and Human Being when I consume Dark Chocolate.

So I conclude that the amount of Dark Chocolate in the house is…. Just Right.  And that makes me very happy. 

Are You as Happy as You Want to be?

Are you are as happy as you want to be?  Have you “succeeded” yet still find happiness elusive?  Do you sometimes feel “stuck” in your career or your life, without a clear path to what’s next for you?

If those questions caused you to pause for a moment, I invite you to read on.

What is Happiness, and Why Should You Care?

I define happiness as wanting what you have. Happiness, then, is an inner state; the quality of being joyous, glad, or contented.

Who cares?  Well, studies in the field of Positive Psychology look at the cause-and-effect cycle of “positive emotions,” e.g. gratitude, joy, hope, contentment, optimism, love, and, of course, happiness. Those studies show that that people who experience more positive emotion in their lives are:

• More RESILIENT. They hold up to stress better, and recover from negative or traumatic situations more quickly.
• More CREATIVE. They typically see more options available to them and are more comfortable trying new ideas and experiences.
• HEALTHIER.  Happier people get sick less often, and when they do they bounce back more quickly.

The good news: anyone can learn to experience more positive emotions in their life by engaging in a variety of skill-building exercises.

You see, our emotions function like our muscles. When we work out regularly, our muscles grow larger and stronger; if the emotions we most often exercise are worry, anxiety, and fear, those moods dominate our lives. Our positive emotional “muscles” need to be worked out to help them grow stronger.  The more often we seek out and experience positive emotions (happiness), the greater our capacity to deal with the future.

For example, keeping a gratitude journal helps strengthen your awareness of the blessings in your life. Other “exercises” for your emotional self can include:

• Learning how to breathe differently, e.g. deeper vs shallow breathing supports a different set of emotional responses
• Shifting how and where you carry energy in your body (calm energy resides in a different place than the energy of purpose, action, pain, anxiety, creativity, and so on)
• Noticing the reactions you have to various people or conversation topics (e.g. that coworker who always “pushes your buttons”) and gradually introducing a new response on both physical and emotional levels
• Changing the language you use in conversation.  Simple changes in the words you use can yield amazing changes in how you feel and the quality of your interactions

As a coach, I work with people who want to show up differently in the world.  The above are some of the tools I use with my clients to make the changes they seek.

Where’s this article coming from, you might ask… Well, I had a conversation yesterday with someone who appeared to get irritated with me, and said, “why would I need a coach to help me do all that? I can do it myself!”

My response:  “If you can do it yourself, then why are we having this conversation?”

You see, knowing is not the same as doing.  We benefit from having people outside of our world to help us understand who we are and how we are really showing up in that world.  That’s why I have several coaches.  That’s why Oprah Winfrey has a coach. And Tiger Woods.

A personal coach is a resource to help you achieve more in the world than even you believe possible.  In a world gone CrazyBusy, I know I can use all the help I can get!

How about you?

Jim Smith, PCC, is a personal and executive coach.  He works with clients who want to change how they show up in the world — because they “have it all” but still aren’t happy.

Happiness is Colored Socks

Today, I celebrate colored socks.

Two months ago I offered my newsletter readers 13 ideas for changing the world, starting with themselves.  One of those ideas (and the one most often commented on) was, “Wear Colored Socks (or something that adds a splash of color, flamboyant, or “wild” to your wardrobe).  The concept is that colored socks start conversations, can create smiles, and shift moods.  Fun stuff.

Well, this concept caught on with my family. who are always on the look out for novel gift ideas

On Christmas morning, then, I received numerous packages filled with fun accessories for the feet.  My daughter had scoured the Internet to find me a literal rainbow of footwear.  This picture is not a stock photo — it is a display of my new colored socks (sans the bright orange ones that I was actually wearing at the time…)

I’ve owned argyle and patterned socks before.  But I gotta tell you, it’s a whole new ballgame when you leave the house wearing dress slacks and a pair of neon orange tube socks, or when you are a communion minister at church and someone spots your kelly green hose.

My socks have been starting LOTS of conversations over the past few days, and every one of those conversations has been a happy one.

I have a coaching colleague who wears red.  I don’t actually know if it’s a ‘signature’ thing with her, or simply a matter of personal preference, but I can’t think of a time in the past five years when I’ve run into Regina Olbinsky that she was not wearing red clothing or a red accessory or highlight somewhere on her person — a belt, a purse, a splash of red jewelry, or a red business suit or jacket.  Regina always stands out in a roomful of business people mostly dressed in subdued blues, greys, and black.  She creates a spark, and I believe part of that is through her bold use of color.

Do NOT underestimate the power of little things to change the world.

Speaking from personal experience over the course of just five days, I have been witness to several dozen people experiencing a moment of lightness and pure joy that might not have occurred for them if not for the smile that my socks brought to their faces.

Happiness and Colored Socks.  Who knew?

Happiness is a Warm Hat

We drove to South Bend to see Syracuse play Notre Dame this weekend.  While there we met up with our daughter and son-in-law, and his parents and his sister and her new husband.  Fun time!

It was cold.  We did a little tailgating, but no one really wanted to spend a lot of time out in a tundra-like parking lot.  The game was the big draw.  Like always, the atmosphere on the Notre Dame campus on a Football Weekend is nearly electric.  Although the focus was on football, a lot of people were also lauding the Women’s Soccer team, which had won in overtime the nite before to boost their record to 24-0-0 — WOW!

So, back to the cold. 24 degrees doesn’t sound that cold… until one has to be outside in that temperature for four or five hours.

And the temperature drops to 18 degrees.

And you are standing on solid ice because it snowed 6″ just before the game.

And your team loses in an embarrassing game filled with lost opportunities.

Did you know that 18 degrees Farenheit is -8 Celsius?  With windchill, that’s -17 degrees Celsius.

Well, despite the cold, we had a great time.  We were insulated with up to five layers of clothing — all of it green or navy, of course — and drank our share of hot cocoa served at 500 degrees (which is a trip and a half to drink when wearing mittens!).

And my head stayed warm under three wraps.

Happiness is a warm hat

Happiness is a wet dog

So, my wife and I are dogsitting for our “grand dog,” while my daughter and son-in-law are on a vacation in New York City. We see the dog (Heidi, a miniature black schnauzer) regularly, since we drop by their house every evening and take Heidi with us on our daily walk.  She’s a sweet, well-behaved, and incredibly well-trained dog.

Living with a dog, however, is very different from visiting with one.

With Heidi living at our house for the past few days, I am reminded of the many reasons why we no longer own a dog ourselves:

1. Dogs demand attention. Every 30 minutes or so she removes herself from her blanket and makes it quite clear that it is “time to give the dog a backrub.  NOW!”  It’s been interesting the past two workdays, as she comes out to my office, lays her head on my lap, and stares up at me.  Shooing her away does not work.  Only after I give her several minutes of attention will she shake herself off, look at me with satisfaction, and head back for a (yet another) nap.
2. Dogs watch everything you do.  Everything. It’s sort of creepy when she just sits and stares at me.  While I eat: staring.  When I brush my teeth: staring.  While I grade papers, write, or read the newspaper: staring.  It’s sort of like having a stalker, only smaller.
3. Dogs have their own agendas. Like, “I want to go out and smell stuff at 3AM” or “I love to snuffle around in decomposing leaves — you don’t mind if I bring them inside, do you?”
4. Dogs don’t wear boots outdoors. So when it’s raining, they bring mud samples inside.  And when it’s snowing, they like to collect several pounds of ice and bring it in to melt it on the linoleum floor, right where I stand in my socks.  Brrr!
5. Dogs don’t use toilets. This means we cannot leave the house for longer than 7 hours.  Well, this is not too much of a hardship for a few days, but I feel very restricted by that timeframe.  Our goldfish can go up to two days without us — much more convenient.
6. Dogs can’t open doors. So, you were thinking weekend, and sleeping in?  NOT!  This dog wants to head outside and then be fed — and let outside again — at 6AM, 7 days a week.  Bummer.
7. Wet dogs smell. Yep.  No matter how cute, a dog that’s been out in the rain exudes an odor like… well, a wet dog!

Maybe I’m being a bit harsh.  Heidi truly is a joy.  She’s small enough to sit on my lap, and is overall a very well-behaved dog.  While she may demand back rubs a bit often, her show of gratitude always warms my heart (dogs are great at being Happy!).  Plus — and this is a mystery — this dog almost never barks.  Truly!  Her orginal owner trained her well.  So she’s never disruptive while I’m on the phone, even when she’s trying to crawl up onto my chair while I’m typing.

Plus, I’m realizing that this training may serve me well for when we eventually have grandchildren.  Can you see the parallels? Grandchildren: demand attention, watch everything you do, have their own agendas, track in dirt, don’t use toilets, can’t open doors (we hope!), and when they’re wet… they smell. 

Happiness is not a marathon (it’s more like strength training)

The Akron Marathon is this weekend, and I have two clients and several friends who are running.  Should be a gorgeous weekend!

Thinking about marathons reminded me of a recent discussion I was part of.  I was a guest on a local public radio station show two months ago.  The Sound of Ideas topic was Vacation and Relaxation Deprivation, so most of the show addressed stress in the workplace and our mindsets around not being able to relax. (who better to have on a show about stress than The Executive Happiness Coach!

I had such a great time! Lots of people called or emailed into the show, and we shared many ideas for how one can take a break from stress, take a mini-vacation, etc. If you’d like to hear the whole show (recording is about 50 mins long) you can pick it up at the WCPN archives, http://www.wcpn.org/index.php/WCPN/soi/12794/

One of the other panelists observed that many people see work as a marathon, an endurance race — “I must keep going, going, going.” In reality, it’s more like strength training; periods of intensity with time off in between for recharging and to allow the muscles to rebuild and strengthen.

As someone who spends regular time on fitness, this metaphor feels quite appropriate, and I believe it applies to many areas of our emotional life, too. If I pursue happiness ALL the time, constantly engaging in pleasurable activities and things that keep my excitement high, then pretty soon I will stop appreciating how great it feels, as it will be the norm — I’ll actually become numb to happiness!

A better approach, IMHO, is to ‘visit’ happiness on a regular basis, in between all the other stuff in my life — frustration, fear, upset, envy, impatience, etc. Then when I experience happiness, it will feel far more powerful and positive as a force of renewal, filling my tank back up.

Just as the body needs downtime for the physical muscles to build strength, the emotional self needs downtime (like meditation, quiet moments, periods of reflection) so we have a chance to actually build the emotional strength and awareness that we so desire.

Practice, rest, renewal.  Happiness is more like strength training, for sure!

Happiness is cool nites and dinner on the deck!

As my wife and I were preparing dinner last evening she looked at me and asked, “when was the last time we ate dinner at the kitchen table?”

Hmm.  Great question.  We traveled back on our calendar and realized that we started eating dinner on our deck when we returned from our vacation, which was 56 days ago.  Wow!  AND we live in Cleveland, Ohio, which is not exactly San Diego, weather-wise.  Fact is, while there’s been a near drought and my lawn is long ago brown, there’ve only been four days in the past two months when we did not go outside at dinner time to eat on our uncovered deck.  Once we decided to do “dinner and a movie” in our living room, and the other three times we went out to eat at restaurants where — you guessed it — we always sat on the patio.

I am sometimes sad about the state of my lawn… yet the optimist in my always looks for some good in every situation.  This run of mostly dry weather allowed Cheryl and I to use our beautiful deck as an extension of the house for most of the summer.  It pulled us out of the house to socialize with the neighbors (who were often dining on their own deck) and enjoy the sights and sounds of our neighborhood at play.  It’s been really lovely.

At this point, however, I am ready to move back indoors.  The remnants of Hurricane Gustav, colliding with spinoff weather from the many other tropical storms attacking the east coast, caused temperatures to drop back into the 50s at nite, and eating on the deck in a sweatshirt isn’t as much fun.

Ah, but guess what?!  Those 50-degree nites are FABULOUS for sleeping with the windows open and the crickets chirping.

Sometimes, the universe makes being an optimist so easy!

Happiness is cool nites, and dinner on the deck…

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