Are You as Happy as You Want to be?

Are you are as happy as you want to be?  Have you “succeeded” yet still find happiness elusive?  Do you sometimes feel “stuck” in your career or your life, without a clear path to what’s next for you?

If those questions caused you to pause for a moment, I invite you to read on.

What is Happiness, and Why Should You Care?

I define happiness as wanting what you have. Happiness, then, is an inner state; the quality of being joyous, glad, or contented.

Who cares?  Well, studies in the field of Positive Psychology look at the cause-and-effect cycle of “positive emotions,” e.g. gratitude, joy, hope, contentment, optimism, love, and, of course, happiness. Those studies show that that people who experience more positive emotion in their lives are:

• More RESILIENT. They hold up to stress better, and recover from negative or traumatic situations more quickly.
• More CREATIVE. They typically see more options available to them and are more comfortable trying new ideas and experiences.
• HEALTHIER.  Happier people get sick less often, and when they do they bounce back more quickly.

The good news: anyone can learn to experience more positive emotions in their life by engaging in a variety of skill-building exercises.

You see, our emotions function like our muscles. When we work out regularly, our muscles grow larger and stronger; if the emotions we most often exercise are worry, anxiety, and fear, those moods dominate our lives. Our positive emotional “muscles” need to be worked out to help them grow stronger.  The more often we seek out and experience positive emotions (happiness), the greater our capacity to deal with the future.

For example, keeping a gratitude journal helps strengthen your awareness of the blessings in your life. Other “exercises” for your emotional self can include:

• Learning how to breathe differently, e.g. deeper vs shallow breathing supports a different set of emotional responses
• Shifting how and where you carry energy in your body (calm energy resides in a different place than the energy of purpose, action, pain, anxiety, creativity, and so on)
• Noticing the reactions you have to various people or conversation topics (e.g. that coworker who always “pushes your buttons”) and gradually introducing a new response on both physical and emotional levels
• Changing the language you use in conversation.  Simple changes in the words you use can yield amazing changes in how you feel and the quality of your interactions

As a coach, I work with people who want to show up differently in the world.  The above are some of the tools I use with my clients to make the changes they seek.

Where’s this article coming from, you might ask… Well, I had a conversation yesterday with someone who appeared to get irritated with me, and said, “why would I need a coach to help me do all that? I can do it myself!”

My response:  “If you can do it yourself, then why are we having this conversation?”

You see, knowing is not the same as doing.  We benefit from having people outside of our world to help us understand who we are and how we are really showing up in that world.  That’s why I have several coaches.  That’s why Oprah Winfrey has a coach. And Tiger Woods.

A personal coach is a resource to help you achieve more in the world than even you believe possible.  In a world gone CrazyBusy, I know I can use all the help I can get!

How about you?

Jim Smith, PCC, is a personal and executive coach.  He works with clients who want to change how they show up in the world — because they “have it all” but still aren’t happy.

Tiny Tips to increase Happiness

I was delivering a talk on Happiness.  When I asked people to consider, “what gets in the way of your happiness?” one man said, “Time.  I am so stressed and have so much to do, I don’t have time to do any of the stuff that makes me happy.”

OK, so let’s establish something: Happiness is not something you do, it’s something you are.  It’s not stuff, it’s how you feel after you do that “stuff.”  It’s something you carry inside of you.  It’s a feeling you can nurture and strengthen through practice.

And if time is an issue, here’s the good news: frequency (of practice) beats duration every time.  Let me explain.  Do you remember when you learned to type in high school?  Your teacher told you to practice 30 minutes daily.    Yikes!  Who has time?  Still, at the end of the semester here’s what happened.  The people who practiced every day typed faster and better than those who crammed in their practice on Sunday nights, even if they only did five minutes each day to the crammers’ several hours.

“What might help you, sir,” I suggested, “are what I call micro-practices; little practices that take just a few seconds each time and which can, literally, recalibrate your whole system when done regularly for 30 days (or forever, for that matter!).

Breathe into your deep belly.  Whenever you have a moment between meetings, sitting at a traffic light, shifting from one task to another, take 15 seconds (you can spare that!) to take two deep breaths, in through your nose and out thru your nose.  Notice how your body moves to calmer.

Express gratitude. Look people in the eye and say ‘Thank You.’  Keep a list of good things that happen around you during the day.

Appreciate what you did. Whenever you finish something — a phone call, a transaction on your desk, a batch of mail, a project, or a conversation — pause before you move on.  Take five seconds to give yourself credit for what you just accomplished, and notice that tiny piece of good feeling you hold around getting that thing done.  Let it soak in.  Then move on.

Offer praise. Compliment someone else on a job well done, or when they do you a favor.  The time you take to “fuel their tank” will also cause you to feel better about yourself.

Smile when you walk.  When ever you go from one place to another at work, put on an intentional smile.  Even if it’s fake, wear it for your walk.  Notice how your spirits lift as you go from one place to another.  (you might also notice a lot more people smiling back at you, which will feed a little positive emotion into your tank!)

Pay attention to how your “happiness” muscles get stronger when you use them a little bit.. little bit… little bit… every single day.