Eight Tips for Holiday Happiness

A recent Saturday Night Live skit revolved around a family of grown siblings gathered for Christmas Dinner.  Their interaction moved from the sharing of warm moments and singing carols to screaming tirades based on sibling “issues” from childhood.

The humor came out of human moments.  How many of us have a similar “love ‘em/can’t stand ‘em” relationship with parts of our family – one that surfaces when we are gathered for a shared meal or exchange of gifts?

The skit struck me as particularly relevant because I’ve had numerous conversations with friends and clients over the past couple weeks: adults in their mid-40’s who can’t seem to escape a relationship pattern that was established when they were teens; concerns over petty rivalries spoiling holiday gatherings; or discussing the dread they feel when they think about the holidays.

Hey, I’ve been there: I’m part of a big family.  On one side, “intimate” gatherings involve 40 people ranging in age from 1 to 73, while on the other side of the family we mix up blended families and second marriages.  Toss in a few crying babies and season with a sullen boyfriend who’s “bad for her,” and we are never at a loss for drama!

Are you one of those hoping to SURVIVE the holidays this year?  Perhaps these will help:

Eight Tips For Holiday Happiness

1.    Take a Breath, On Purpose. Breathing is the – let me repeat that, with more emphasis – THE most powerful tool you possess for helping you respond to stress-inducing situations.  When you take a breath – on purpose – deep into your body, you provide extra fuel to your brain (for quicker thinking), while you create an autonomic relaxation response in your body.  Try it right now (I’ll wait).
Ahhhhh…. Wasn’t that nice?  Now, practice that several times a day, every day, so your body knows how to do that when Uncle Harry reminds you – yet again – that your apricot roll will never be as good as Great-grandma’s <grrrr>.

2.    Step Back. When you find yourself at the edge of your nerves, take a step back.  Literally.  The physical act of pulling your body back helps your emotions also pull back from the edge.  From a calmer emotional space, you can de-escalate the situation.

3.    Keep Your Wits About You. If someone did or said that in the workplace, would you react the same way you do as when your mother does it?  If you’re like most people, you play by a more “professional” set of norms at work.  I suggest that if you bring your Work Wits to a family gathering, you’ll find it easier to respond appropriately, and then move on to the next conversation.

4.    Don’t “Play To Win.” A good conversation is about the exchange of ideas.  If you need to always Be Right – if your goal is to “win points” – you’ll be spending lots of your holiday time trying to convince others to change their “wrong” opinions.  Why?  Unless they live with you every day, who cares?  They’re your relatives, not your competitors on Survivor!

5.    Keep It Light. If you’re like many people, you will spend a good deal of time selecting an outfit to wear to each gathering.  While you’re in the closet, pull down that Smile you keep in a jar on the shelf.  And layer on a pleasant expression, while you’re at it.  If you arrive already tense and grouchy based on what happened last year, you’ll guarantee a tough time.  But show up in your best Smile, ready to laugh at cousin Ron’s (very lame) jokes, and you may just enjoy yourself!

6.    Let It Go. Yes, I know that cousin Judy really ticked you off by scheduling her wedding just two weeks before yours.  But come on – that was 13 years ago!  And are you EVER going to let go of resentment over what your little brother did to you when he was 17 and an idiot – before he got married and got responsible?  Remember that forgiveness is a very powerful emotion; it does not erase the past, but it gives you permission to not let what happened in the past drag you down in the present.  Let it go, and notice how much lighter and happier you feel.

7.    Hang Around With the Little Ones. When you arrive at a family gathering that involves kids, share some of it with them.  Chat with your teen-aged nieces and nephews and listen to their dreams.  Allow yourself to be relaxed and real with a giggly four-year old.  And while other people might engage in the drama, you’ll have a lot more fun laying on the floor and looking at the tree from underneath!

8.    It’s Not About The Gifts. Really.  It’s not.  You know that – I’m not telling you anything new.  I’m just reminding you to tap into the wisdom you already possess.  Focus on relationships and just being together.  Notice your blessings.  Maybe even convince the family to share something they are grateful for before you open all the pretty boxes.  Best Buy’s tagline is “You. Happier.” With all due respect, you can’t buy happiness in a box at an electronics store.

9.    Bonus Tip: Breathe. Yes, this is repeat of Tip #1 — it’s that powerful.  The word Inspiration (to breath in) means literally ‘to infuse with life/breath.’  When you notice something that’s about to suck away some of your happiness, inspire yourself with a gift of calm and extra oxygen.  Plus, there’s a bonus to taking a nice long breath in – you can’t talk!  And if you can’t talk, you make a better listener.  This is a pretty happy place to be!

~~~~~~~~~~

The 13 Principles of Happiness provide more ideas for increasing your happiness, especially relevant in a world gone mad.

Why not download and post a 1-page summary of all 13 as a reminder?  You can do so here: http://www.theexecutivehappinesscoach.com/happiness/philosophies.cfm.  Take care of you.

Happiness is Contagious

This just in, from the bespectacled researchers at Harvard: Happiness is contagious.

OK, so we’ve known for a long time that moods and emotions spread to those around us.  What’s different about this study is that the researchers have been able to quantify the impact. And it’s not just about who you talk with daily. Neighbors whom you only see occasionally can impact your happiness. And happy people like to cluster: people on Facebook with smiling photos are more likely to be friends with other smilers. Interesting!

Read the full article here: Happiness is Contagious in Social Networks

and see the accompanying video clip from CNN here:

What’s the bottom line? If you hang around with happy people, you’ll feel (15%!) happier. If you are happy, others are more likely to want to hang around with you.

Cool!

Happy Thanksgiving – Inventory Your Wealth

Happy Thanksgiving!

As The Executive Happiness Coach^® I especially love any holiday that carries a greeting of HAPPY in front of it.

You know, many people say that Happiness is the “ultimate currency.” So when we wish each other a “Happy Anything” we are, in a way, wishing for them a life that is wealthy on many levels.

In this time of crisis in which, uncertainty, worry, and fear seem everywhere, give yourself also the gift of hope. Eventually the crisis will pass, the transition will be history, the recession will fade to memory. My wish for you is that you take time during this 2008 Thanksgiving holiday, to inventory the wealth you possess that is independent of money:

Your Relationships
List the people who love you, and whom you love

Your Wisdom
Think about how much you know, and recognize what an asset you are

Your Communities
Write down all the groups of which you are a member – work, family, faith, civic, and even virtual/online

Your Faith
Consider the beliefs you hold; the things you believe in even if you cannot “prove” them

Your Health
Take a deep, deep breath and consider how fabulous it is to be alive (aches and pains and all!)

Your future
Regardless what’s happened till now, the rest of your life is yet unwritten, and you can change the story if you want to

Make time to express gratitude, on purpose. It’s good for you! Gratitude is one of a handful of emotions which create as much good feeling in the Giver as in the Receiver. So remember that when you say, “thanks!” you’re filling up someone else’s tank… as well as your own!

So HAPPY Thanksgiving. I am grateful that you are in my world – as a reader, as a client, as a colleague, as a friend, as a fellow traveler on Spaceship Earth.

In happiness, J

Tiny Tips to increase Happiness

I was delivering a talk on Happiness.  When I asked people to consider, “what gets in the way of your happiness?” one man said, “Time.  I am so stressed and have so much to do, I don’t have time to do any of the stuff that makes me happy.”

OK, so let’s establish something: Happiness is not something you do, it’s something you are.  It’s not stuff, it’s how you feel after you do that “stuff.”  It’s something you carry inside of you.  It’s a feeling you can nurture and strengthen through practice.

And if time is an issue, here’s the good news: frequency (of practice) beats duration every time.  Let me explain.  Do you remember when you learned to type in high school?  Your teacher told you to practice 30 minutes daily.    Yikes!  Who has time?  Still, at the end of the semester here’s what happened.  The people who practiced every day typed faster and better than those who crammed in their practice on Sunday nights, even if they only did five minutes each day to the crammers’ several hours.

“What might help you, sir,” I suggested, “are what I call micro-practices; little practices that take just a few seconds each time and which can, literally, recalibrate your whole system when done regularly for 30 days (or forever, for that matter!).

Breathe into your deep belly.  Whenever you have a moment between meetings, sitting at a traffic light, shifting from one task to another, take 15 seconds (you can spare that!) to take two deep breaths, in through your nose and out thru your nose.  Notice how your body moves to calmer.

Express gratitude. Look people in the eye and say ‘Thank You.’  Keep a list of good things that happen around you during the day.

Appreciate what you did. Whenever you finish something — a phone call, a transaction on your desk, a batch of mail, a project, or a conversation — pause before you move on.  Take five seconds to give yourself credit for what you just accomplished, and notice that tiny piece of good feeling you hold around getting that thing done.  Let it soak in.  Then move on.

Offer praise. Compliment someone else on a job well done, or when they do you a favor.  The time you take to “fuel their tank” will also cause you to feel better about yourself.

Smile when you walk.  When ever you go from one place to another at work, put on an intentional smile.  Even if it’s fake, wear it for your walk.  Notice how your spirits lift as you go from one place to another.  (you might also notice a lot more people smiling back at you, which will feed a little positive emotion into your tank!)

Pay attention to how your “happiness” muscles get stronger when you use them a little bit.. little bit… little bit… every single day.

« Previous Page