Tiny Stories of Gratitude for the Holidays

A client of mine sent this story as part of his holiday message, and I loved it so much I asked for his permission to share it with all of you. My guest columnist, Rob, is an executive who lives in Chicagoland.

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I ask you all to practice random acts of kindness this season. During the past few weeks a few things have happened that I would like to share.

1. I picked up a pair of shoes from a the cobbler and indicated to the woman in the store that I was excited because I had only one more official Christmas Party to go to.  She said: ” I wish I had a Christmas Party to Go to.”

Let’s Be Grateful for what we have and get to do!

2. I shared with a beautiful woman my goal of teaching at the University of Chicago.  She shared with me that she had received her PhD there and had this set of china with Pictures of the Buildings on them from 1931.  I had just met her.  She left and returned within 10 minutes and gave me the 12-piece set of china.

Be Grateful for the generosity of others!

3. I was able to hear one of my best friends play his violin in Handel’s Messiah.  He was, and it was, amazing.

Be Grateful for the Talent and Growth of others!

4. I was blessed to have lunch with my mom and my aunt in Chicago at the Walnut Room of Marshall Fields.  Generally the wait is 2-4 hours.  I had exchanged holiday greetings with a man on an elevator earlier.  He saw us in line and gave us his reservation which was 45 minutes earlier.

There is an abundance of Generosity in the World!

5. Lunch and the time with mom and Aunt Arlene was a blessing!

Enjoy family and loved ones.  Be grateful!

6. We decided to have dessert at the Cheese Cake Factory on Michigan Avenue.  Another wait was in front of us.  I greeted the host with “Hello and Merry Christmas.”  He stopped and said “What did you say?”  “I said, Merry Christmas.”  He said “you are the first person who said that all day.  Thank you!”  and he seated us immediately

There are so many other miracles that keep happening!

I heard the bells on Christmas Day; their old familiar carols play, and wild

and sweet the word repeat of peace on earth, good-will to men!”

~Henry Wadsworth Longfellow, American Poet

Let Go of Your Stress this Holiday!

For two years I’ve been talking about diving in to video.  Many of you have asked for it. I finally made a public commitment (gulp!) in October to make and post a video on my website by year end.  Then, having accepted that my PC was inadequate for video work, I leaped into the Mac world.

What you’re about to see was filmed on my iPhone 3G, edited in iMovie on my brand new iMac computer, and tested on my iPad.

TIPS FOR A LESS-STRESS HOLIDAY

Click on the image to view the newsletter on YouTube, or just follow this link:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NSwTTSiS8_I

P.S. I invite you to let go of your inner editor. Yes, I know that this video is “too long,” it has episodes of poor lighting, and some of the edits are choppy.  On the other hand, it is DONE, and for a first-ever video clip, I’m pretty happy with it.  Please, enjoy!

Reduce Your Holiday Stress: Simplify!

We Create Our Own Stress

Do you ever find yourself thinking: “I have too much to do — I feel overwhelmed!?” How we are is a result of choices we make and the way we surround ourselves with stuff and challenges.  Sometimes our choices can leave us busy and full — yet unhappy.  That’s when we need to start dropping what does not serve us.

Happiness Principle #12 says:

SIMPLIFY.  Automate, delegate, or eliminate tasks or goals that complicate your life.  Being content with simpler pleasures increases your opportunity for awe.

Woven through many of the Principles of Happiness is a common thread I call “eliminate friction.” Friction – as you learned in fifth-grade science class — is resistance to motion.  Friction slows things down by removing energy.  A rocket flying through the vacuum of space will move freely, but if it strays near a planet it gets caught in gravitational pull or the resisting force of atmosphere.  The larger the rocket, the more friction it encounters.  Eventually, friction will cause it to burn away until all motion ceases.

While the example is physical, it describes what friction does to you and your happiness. Think about the things that complicate your life – tasks, goals, relationships, commitments, and expectations (and email!).  How many of those feel like appendages on the rocket, splaying out in all directions to catch the atmospheric resistance and slow you down?

To Simplify is not necessarily about giving up goals or possessions or busy schedules, but rather a reminder to keep what we have and what we do in perspective. Simplify is about striving to remove the clutter in our lives in order to concentrate our energies toward those things that really matter.

On another level, Simplify is a suggestion to avoid over-commitment as a lifestyle. When we surround ourselves with all the best and the newest, or try too hard to keep everyone else happy, we actually narrow our options for experiencing our own happiness.  When we live a simple life, we increase our opportunity for awe.

“Life is really simple, but we insist on making it complicated.” –Confucius

Start Planning Now for a Less-Stress Year

As you race toward the start of the busy holiday season and year end activities, don’t let the convergence of work, family demands, holiday gatherings, cooking, cleaning, and shopping push you over the edge into the Dark Pit of Stress.  Start planning now to leave space to enjoy simple conversation and the best of what this time of year has to offer.

Here are some steps you might take to Simplify for a less-stress year-end:

• Schedule “Nothing” Time. Establish time in your calendar to do nothing.  Learn how to be at ease in solitude, silence, and stillness.  Realize you don’t need all that “noise” around you to feel content – plus a little downtime will give you space to recharge your batteries.

• Streamline Your Goals. We typically get 80% of the impact from 20% of our goals.  Line up your personal goals and identify the handful that will provide you the most return on your investment of time.  A simplified focus will increase your output and creativity while reducing your stress.

• Let Something Go. You may already feel some dread building up in you over your holiday chores.  Consider cutting a few things off your list this year through simplifying.  Last year I decided to simplify our outside decorations, and instead of spending hours stringing lights I opted for 10 minutes arranging three red and green spotlights to light the house.  Imagine my surprise when our neighbor across the street took a photo of our simply lit home after a snowfall, then used it in his holiday greeting!

• Spread It Out.  Cook, clean, prep, or celebrate over several days instead of all at once.  One of the things I most DISliked about the holidays was the way everything seemed to happen at once, raising stress levels at a time when we’re “supposed” to be having fun.  One of my least favorite “chores” was the annual house/tree decoration marathon: by the end of a very long day we’d all be crabby and tired.  Five years ago I experimented with starting earlier, bringing out from storage just one box of “stuff” at a time.  Now we do a little decorating every few days over weeks instead of hours, and it turns out to be a lot more fun!

• Ask for Help. Many of you live in the Story that if you take care of everything, people will admire you (or if you don’t get it perfect, people will assess you as inadequate).  But the truth is that most people will help you if you ask, and no one will think less of you.  And if you ask each person who’s coming to dinner to bring a dish, you may even discover a few new recipes to enjoy!

• Say No. The most powerful way to Simplify is to simply say No to something you really do not want to do.  Note: it may take courage to push back against someone who says, “You have to do that.”  I promise you, however, that you will survive skipping the occasional invitation, and the world will keep turning on its axis even if you don’t bake those holiday treats that your family has been making since 1952.

“Besides the noble art of getting things done, there is the noble art of leaving things undone.  The wisdom of life consists in the elimination of non-essentials.” –Lin Yuta

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The 13 Principles of Happiness can help you plan for more year-end moments of calm and happiness.  Visit http://www.theexecutivehappinesscoach.com/happiness/philosophies.cfm, to download a colorful 1-page PDF Poster.  Post it on your workplace wall or your fridge at home, and use them as a reminder to Choose Happiness.

Eight Tips for Holiday Happiness

A recent Saturday Night Live skit revolved around a family of grown siblings gathered for Christmas Dinner.  Their interaction moved from the sharing of warm moments and singing carols to screaming tirades based on sibling “issues” from childhood.

The humor came out of human moments.  How many of us have a similar “love ‘em/can’t stand ‘em” relationship with parts of our family – one that surfaces when we are gathered for a shared meal or exchange of gifts?

The skit struck me as particularly relevant because I’ve had numerous conversations with friends and clients over the past couple weeks: adults in their mid-40’s who can’t seem to escape a relationship pattern that was established when they were teens; concerns over petty rivalries spoiling holiday gatherings; or discussing the dread they feel when they think about the holidays.

Hey, I’ve been there: I’m part of a big family.  On one side, “intimate” gatherings involve 40 people ranging in age from 1 to 73, while on the other side of the family we mix up blended families and second marriages.  Toss in a few crying babies and season with a sullen boyfriend who’s “bad for her,” and we are never at a loss for drama!

Are you one of those hoping to SURVIVE the holidays this year?  Perhaps these will help:

Eight Tips For Holiday Happiness

1.    Take a Breath, On Purpose. Breathing is the – let me repeat that, with more emphasis – THE most powerful tool you possess for helping you respond to stress-inducing situations.  When you take a breath – on purpose – deep into your body, you provide extra fuel to your brain (for quicker thinking), while you create an autonomic relaxation response in your body.  Try it right now (I’ll wait).
Ahhhhh…. Wasn’t that nice?  Now, practice that several times a day, every day, so your body knows how to do that when Uncle Harry reminds you – yet again – that your apricot roll will never be as good as Great-grandma’s <grrrr>.

2.    Step Back. When you find yourself at the edge of your nerves, take a step back.  Literally.  The physical act of pulling your body back helps your emotions also pull back from the edge.  From a calmer emotional space, you can de-escalate the situation.

3.    Keep Your Wits About You. If someone did or said that in the workplace, would you react the same way you do as when your mother does it?  If you’re like most people, you play by a more “professional” set of norms at work.  I suggest that if you bring your Work Wits to a family gathering, you’ll find it easier to respond appropriately, and then move on to the next conversation.

4.    Don’t “Play To Win.” A good conversation is about the exchange of ideas.  If you need to always Be Right – if your goal is to “win points” – you’ll be spending lots of your holiday time trying to convince others to change their “wrong” opinions.  Why?  Unless they live with you every day, who cares?  They’re your relatives, not your competitors on Survivor!

5.    Keep It Light. If you’re like many people, you will spend a good deal of time selecting an outfit to wear to each gathering.  While you’re in the closet, pull down that Smile you keep in a jar on the shelf.  And layer on a pleasant expression, while you’re at it.  If you arrive already tense and grouchy based on what happened last year, you’ll guarantee a tough time.  But show up in your best Smile, ready to laugh at cousin Ron’s (very lame) jokes, and you may just enjoy yourself!

6.    Let It Go. Yes, I know that cousin Judy really ticked you off by scheduling her wedding just two weeks before yours.  But come on – that was 13 years ago!  And are you EVER going to let go of resentment over what your little brother did to you when he was 17 and an idiot – before he got married and got responsible?  Remember that forgiveness is a very powerful emotion; it does not erase the past, but it gives you permission to not let what happened in the past drag you down in the present.  Let it go, and notice how much lighter and happier you feel.

7.    Hang Around With the Little Ones. When you arrive at a family gathering that involves kids, share some of it with them.  Chat with your teen-aged nieces and nephews and listen to their dreams.  Allow yourself to be relaxed and real with a giggly four-year old.  And while other people might engage in the drama, you’ll have a lot more fun laying on the floor and looking at the tree from underneath!

8.    It’s Not About The Gifts. Really.  It’s not.  You know that – I’m not telling you anything new.  I’m just reminding you to tap into the wisdom you already possess.  Focus on relationships and just being together.  Notice your blessings.  Maybe even convince the family to share something they are grateful for before you open all the pretty boxes.  Best Buy’s tagline is “You. Happier.” With all due respect, you can’t buy happiness in a box at an electronics store.

9.    Bonus Tip: Breathe. Yes, this is repeat of Tip #1 — it’s that powerful.  The word Inspiration (to breath in) means literally ‘to infuse with life/breath.’  When you notice something that’s about to suck away some of your happiness, inspire yourself with a gift of calm and extra oxygen.  Plus, there’s a bonus to taking a nice long breath in – you can’t talk!  And if you can’t talk, you make a better listener.  This is a pretty happy place to be!

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The 13 Principles of Happiness provide more ideas for increasing your happiness, especially relevant in a world gone mad.

Why not download and post a 1-page summary of all 13 as a reminder?  You can do so here: http://www.theexecutivehappinesscoach.com/happiness/philosophies.cfm.  Take care of you.