What would you get on your tattoo?

Last week one of my clients confessed to me that, “I’m thinking of getting a tattoo.” I was amused for a moment, as this client is a high-powered top executive with a very conservative organization– and who has teenagers in the house.

The conversation continued, “I’ve always loved the Celtic symbol for Balance, and now that I’ve made such great progress toward living in balance much of the time, it would be a great reminder for me.”  OK, that made sense.  Then came a question that really caught me off guard:

“What would you get on your tattoo?”

At first, I recoiled from the question.  I hold a lot of assessments about tattoos.  Sometimes I think they are attractive (some are works of art!), sometimes meaningful (2 of my children got a guardian angel tattoo identical to the one worn by their deceased sister), and frequently incomprehensible (d’ya really think that huge gothic skull on the side of your neck is attractive?!).  But never, never for me.

Still,the question reminded me of an exercise in which I participated a few years ago.  The facilitator asked the question, “if you were get a tattoo — which is permanent and forever — what would it be, and where on your body?”  I declared that I would tattoo the eight symbols I write every day in my journal, that represent my eight core values:

Happiness, Love, Health, Creativity, Learning, Authenticity, Spirituality, and Peace.

As for where on my body… I think my core values would need to be where I would see them every day, so perhaps on my upper arm or inside of my forearm.

If I had to go really simple, I might instead opt for the Yin Yang symbol, which for me represents balance and, on many levels, the truth about life — light and darkness, good/evil, life/work, etc.

So, what would you get on YOUR tattoo?

Do you get “typical results” from your life?

As part of my Marketing homework, I’ve been studying online sales sites – you know, those really long web pages that tell you everything possible about a product or service, with a Buy Now button at the bottom of the page.

A feature common to most such sites is Testimonials, usually from people who achieved to-die-for results:

• I made a bajillion dollars in five minutes after I bought this system!
• I lost 100 pounds reduced my body fat to 2% in just six weeks!
• I got over 1000 applications for my new program in one day!

And so on.  I’m sure you’ve all seen sites like these.  Usually there’s a note tucked discreetly into a dark corner that reminds readers that ‘your results may not be typical.’  Then, I came across this refreshingly candid Disclaimer, on  a site that offers a four-phase workout program:

Please read our awesome disclaimer:  Due to recent statements from the FTC, it is required that we identify what a “typical” result is.  The truth: most people never do anything with the products they buy, so most of the time, their typical results are zero.  The biggest factor is you.  Don’t do drugs; stay in school.  There is no such thing as a Silver Bullet.  I bet this disclaimer would make a good rap song

Typical results are ZERO.  Wow.  Of course, the person who is about to type in their credit card information is thinking, “that’s not me.  I’ll do this.  I’m not like ‘those other people.’   Really?

I’ve read that over 40% of books purchased never get read, and that rate rises to 75% for books downloaded from the Internet.   29% of patients prescribed antibiotics fail to complete the full course of treatment, often because they forget.  Personal trainers report that as many as 25% of appointments are no-shows — even when they’ve already paid for the session!

Fact is, we are creatures of habit, even when our habits hurt us and we desperately want to change them.  We truly WANT to exercise more, improve our minds, get well, and manage time better.  But unless we pay attention to what we are doing EVERY DAY, our new commitment slowly sinks into the muck of routine.

Make no mistake about it: if you want to change something in your life, you must be persistent.  It takes a minimum of 100 repetitions for a new behavior to start feeling ‘normal.’

So … If you want to change your attitude, your fitness level, your time management, your mood, or any other aspect of you, be aware of your human tendency to drift back to old ways.  Build in to your process some accountability checks — electronic reminders in your datebook, post-it notes on your bathroom mirror, working with a partner, having a friend check in with you, etc.  (shameless commerce division: or hire a coach!)

If you PLAN for regression, and build something into your change process to get you back on track, you’re far more likely to make a lasting change.

As the disclaimer above reads, “The biggest factor is you.”

Don’t be typical.

Sometimes you just have to make the decision to be happy

In my year-long quest to see all of the movies nominated for Oscars from last year, I finally picked up Away From Her, with Julie Christie in an absolutely brilliant performance as a woman literally melting away from her life as the linkages in her brain come apart — while her husband, Grant, struggles with the fact that the woman he loves so deeply… no longer remembers him.

Trailer for Away From Her on YouTube

When Grant can no longer handle it by himself, he reaches out to the wife of another Alzheimer’s patient, seeking desperately to ‘fix’ what is happening.  While Grant is alternately sad and angry, Marian (played by the always-fabulous Olympia Dukakis) has a different perspective.  During one scene she and Grant get philosophical.

Marian: “I’m thinking that sometimes you just have to make the decision to be happy.  Just decide.  Things aren’t ever what you hoped they be; not ever; for anybody.  The only thing that separates one kind of person from another is that there are some who stay angry about it and there are some who accept what comes their way.”

Grant: “what kind of person are you?”

Marian: “I was pretty mad about it.  But now — looking at what came my way — I could be the other kind of person!”

And that’s what I’m often talking about — choosing to be that other kind of person.  There’s nothing wrong with anger.  Anger and frustration and sadness are all very real and should be honored and felt deeply.  If we remain too long in those emotions, however, they eventually start to eat away at us and prevent us from noticing that good stuff still occurs in our life.

So, at some point, you just have to decide, “I’m going to give myself permission to experience happiness.  Right now.”

You say that’s not who you are?  That you’ve always been the angry one?  Well, Olympia Dukakis has another great line in the movie: “It’s never too late to become who you might have been.”

You can start today.  Just decide.